1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Greetings Guest!!

    In order to combat SPAM on the forums, all users are required to have a minimum of 2 posts before they can submit links in any post or thread.

    Dismiss Notice

A CHICKEN FIGHT REPORT

Discussion in 'UO Sonoma' started by Pluffina, Mar 11, 2001.

  1. Pluffina

    Pluffina Guest

    I was entered into the YMCA chicken fight last night.

    In truth, my secret plan was to grab a chicken at the last second, drag him over there, and watch him drop like a stone in the first round. But while I was buying still more blank scrolls over at the Lyceum in Moonglow, I saw a chicken, a scrappy little street chicken. I asked him his name -- he said it was RusselCrow. Now THAT is a name with bankable, star quality. He looked like he had just eaten, but had the scruffy look of a chicken with no permanent home. Still there was something about him....Past the sunken, desperate-for-love look in his beady eye, I could see a certain "Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top" Quality to him, Stupid, but Good hearted, Determined, but wow, really stupid.

    So I grabbed Illeana and Paulo, and we set to work taming and training this little little pink feathered ball of hope. (We put on the soundtrack to Rocky for inspiration...duh duhduh duh DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!) For DAYS (okay, an hour and a half) we dragged this chicken around the Moonglow woods. When he could singlehandedly take out deer, cows, and llamas, we told him he was ready. He was buff and vicious, and had that hunger for the win, for the kill, that every good fighter needs. We banked his butt and went to Destard. At two minutes to fight time, we GRABBED him and dropped stone.

    Russel was ready. He won his first fight easily, and strutted proudly back and forth saying cluck cluck cluck. WE WERE IN THE FINALS! Russell was ecstatic, even though in the semi-finals ahead of us there was ONE chicken named Ikilledcolonelsanders who looked like he had INDEED killed ColonelSaunders, eaten him, and converted him into PURE MUSCLE. This chicken WAS VICIOUS. It had KILLED its first sad opponent with a knock-out blow to the gizzard. BUT RUSSELL WAS UNABASHED. "I shall try," he said, voice quavering just like Drew Barrymore's in that Cinderella movie.

    But just then, on the other side of the ring, we saw the OTHER chicken in the first round semifinals being slipped a BIG DOSE OF STEROIDS by its owner. "Rel Sanct," said the Owner, and slipped the Chicken-Pumping drugs deep into his birds system.

    OH NO! It was agreed that that chicken must SIT OUT until the steroids wore off, and so RusselCrow lost his pass to the finals. We were sent into the SEMIS! AGAINST IKILLEDCOLONELSANDERS!

    "No Russel," I said, "Let me protest." But he bravely shook his tiny, wattled head, and walked proudly into the ring where he got his butt handed to him a platter.

    After that we retreated to the sidelines and watched IKCS wipe the floor with the oce-drugged chicken. WIPE. THE. FLOOR. Russel, Buff as he was from 1.5 hours of intensive training, had held a tiny piece of his own against IKCS, but poor Swinger, hung over from the steroids and trained at his owner's admission for about 3 minutes, could not compete. It was all over.

    Russel admitted that IKCS was indeed the better chicken, but he bitterly protested that a chicken who was given steroids and who he could have easily beaten should walk away with the silver crown.

    I DEMAND A REMATCH! He Squawked.
    "Shut up, Russel," said Illiana.
    "I WAS ROBBED! ROBBED," he bellowed to the uncaring gods.
    " TOUGH IT OUT RUSSEL, YOU WHINER, I said.

    He looked up, his cheeks dusted with tears (Wait? Do chickens HAVE cheeks? I don't think they do -- let's just say, "The face parts under his eyes were dusted with tears"). He looked up at me, the face parts under his eyes dusted with tears, and said, "but...but...I coulda beena a contendah." His heart had wizened with hope denied, the knowledge that a lesser chicken had taken his glory-spot ruined his focus, and his spirit was clearly broken beyond repair. We took him downstairs and released him from his boxing contract. He headed immediately to the cemetary to throw himself, no doubt, into a fruitless battle with a shade and die with a bit of the glory and honor denied him in the World of Professional -fighting.

    Love,
    Pluffy
    PS ALL YOU PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE COME! IT WAS UTTERLY GREAT AND HILARIOUS. EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE RUSSEL LOST. THAT PART SUCKED. You would have hated that part. :)




    Visit Plush by Pluffy, a UO Decorator's Website
     
  2. Vidi

    Vidi Guest

    ROFL I love this story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The paths of glory lead but to the grave-Thomas Gray

    TrammelBorn-First Gen
     
  3. LMAO!!!! Pluffy, you can always take any ol' situation and turn it into something utterly hilarious. I practically fell out of my chair laughing!!! Good show!!!

    "Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."
     
  4. ROLF!!!!! funniest thing I have read in a long time!!! :)
     
  5. Reachwind

    Reachwind Guest

    RusselCrow was a tough bird. A well trained pecking machine of limitless destructive power. Swinger the chicken would have met its end at the beak of this awesome killing machine I am sure... Ikilled ColonelSanders was a different story however... if ever there was a chicken capable of player killing it was this bird.

    Pluffy you did well in your training... I am sorry that you missed your chance at 2nd place based on luck of the draw. I hope that in our next contest of poultry preeminence you'll have trained the winner.

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Reachwind

    Reachwind Guest

    Dundain just sent me a screen shot of him training IKCS...I am still laughing at the horror of it.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  7. sse_goku

    sse_goku Guest

    Wha tha.....heh. Other than that funny story Pluffina

    <center> [​IMG] SSE GOKU of Sonoma </center>
     
  8. sundown198

    sundown198 Guest

    I was very upset by the fact that i had missed this event i started training my feathered friend the night of the post. Chicken McNugget and Chick Filet were my two that i thought may have a chance McNugget was taking on goats and the such after a hour of training and was doing quite well but alas forgot about the time zone diffrence between east and west coast and thought it was cancelled when noone showed (course i was three hours early)

    Cutter Kinseeker, General - Archery Divison, TGG
    Annabell, GM Swordswoman
     
  9. Lord Eyyyuh

    Lord Eyyyuh Guest

    Well here is a blast from the past!!! No mistake.

    Sorry I just couldn't resist!

    Cause resist doesn't exist in AoS
    roflmao!!!
     
  10. Ambriel

    Ambriel Guest

    You're ate up
     
  11. Pluffina

    Pluffina Guest

    GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    I MISS PAULO! HE WAS NICE!

    I MISS ILLEANA!

    OMG They were SO MUCH FUN. Illeana was a COMPLETE LUNATIC! COMPLETE! She would try ANYTHING. I mean ANYTHING! And never ask the really boring questions like "Why?" or "But isn't that dangerous?" or even "Should I change into less flammable pants before we do that?"

    Wow this is an OLD OLD THREAD.

    Love,
    Memory Lane
     
  12. OMG this IS an old thread, from back before I left even..
     
  13. Nod of Fire

    Nod of Fire Guest

    People are actually bored enough to read threads TWO years old&gt;???? Holy crackers! There has got to be tons of server space to hold that many years worth of babbling
     
  14. Reachwind

    Reachwind Guest

    Yikes! Isn't it bad luck to bring up posts from the dead?
     
  15. Pluffina

    Pluffina Guest

    NING NING NING NING

    LOOOOOOOKIT IT IS NIIIIIIIIING!

    Nimg are you BACK? Do you have AoS? Are you Upgraded and BUGGED OUT THE WAZOO like the rest of us? NING?

    Love,
    Pluffy
     
  16. Lord Hunter

    Lord Hunter Babbling Loonie
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2001
    Messages:
    2,446
    Likes Received:
    4
    Wow someone was very bored