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"Chef Tales" - Stories, Histories & Adventures of Britannian Chefs

Discussion in 'UO Botany and Nutrition' started by Feenicks, Mar 19, 2002.

  1. Feenicks

    Feenicks Seasoned Veteran
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

    Aug 1, 2000
    Likes Received:
    Greetings all,

    Herein ye shall find tales both tall and true of the adventures, origins and lives of Chefs of Britannia.

    A call to all Chefs. Do you have a history?
    Where and how did you become enthralled by the Ultima world of cooking?
    Was your chef captured by orcs and turned into a slave in their kitchens?
    Or do you as a chef prefer to kill orcs and slave over their baking ribs in your own kitchen?

    Whatever the story may be, feel free to post it here so the rest of the cheffing community can see from where you came and what motivates you to pursue the most lofty and virtuous skill of them all... Cooking!

    <font color=red>** NOTE:</font color=red> Please only post stories in this thread.

    * Anything not On Topic to the purpose and intent of this thread shall be deleted.
    * If people feel the irresistable urge to comment on other peoples stories do so with the knowledge that after a suitable time i will likely delete any such comments so as to keep the thread from becoming too unweildy.
    * There is no need to be strictly RP or first person or anything, but keep in mind that stuff like "I became a chef to make tribal paint" is not the kind of thing we are looking for in this thread. (If tribal paint is the reason, that's more than fair enough, but make it an interesting read in saying so...)


    - Feen.
    (My story a few posts below)
  2. WK-PR

    WK-PR Guest


    JP's history outside of the game is certainly not for a chef..till a bit down the road.
    I started JP with 50 Provocation and 50 Bowcraft/Fletching.

    I worked his Music up and raised his Provocation up to around 60ish, when he put on a bright yellow jester's suit and hat. He then became a bardic jester, bringing laughter, music and joy to the people. To make him more fun to play in his role, I decided to give him "useless skills" and his template was made. He began to lecture people on the need to eat and proper diet, and how they should repent of their "evil" deeds and come to bring more laughter and joy to the land. He began to work cookery, and took a love for it and thus that is where he got where he is. When he GM'd Bowcraft/Fletching, a year-long pursuit, he dyed his hair pure white and his beard light purple to help make people smile and as a reward for his accomplishment.
  3. Quiby

    Quiby Guest

    *Puts on a pair of reading glasses and sits down*

    I'll cut this down a little or It'll scare people off...



    *Clears throat and begins telling semi in character*

    Around 9 years ago in Britannien years a mage was casting a spell of sort...
    Well... A cat messed it up and things went a little wrong and the building fell down...
    Some people pulled a little girl from the rubble... She was short, furry in places and cute...
    That little girl was mee, and they took me to trinsic where people pointed and stared... I think they were jealous of my tail...
    Anyway... a nice old man took em in and was nice, and I did a bit of cooking and cleaning for him, but I was taken soon after and paraded around in front of people who payed to be jealous of me and my tail.
    Anyway... Some smelly orcs messed things up and I escaped and began practicing my cooking and eventaully I got to where I am now...
    In the mean time I met lots of people... lost my tal... got it back... got crushed by a golem... and all sort of interesting things...

    *Puts away reading glasses*

    That's about it... I cook and serve people because it's what I enjoy doing...
    If you want to read the whole of my history then it's all here:
  4. Guest

    Guest Guest

    (OOC: Submitted by Lady Treasure via Alarialle)

    My sister, the Lady Summer, and I grew up in the wilds of Minoc with our many brothers and cousins. It was a rather rough and tumble town back then, and while Summer spent her time outdoors learning to mine and wrestle bears with the men, I chose to work on my needlepoint and baking instead. Our mother had passed when I was but a teenager, and I remember many happy hours at her side when I was young learning just when to add the right seasonings and at what temperature is best to bake a cream cheese pastry so that it turns out light and delicate.

    She was a great one for baking, in fact it was her orange chiffon cake that first won my father over on one of his trips to the south. Her family is from Skara Brae, you know. Father married her on that trip, gathered up her belongings and carried her back up to Minoc to live in rather more primitive surroundings than she was used to, but Mother never let it bother her one bit. She'd fallen madly in love with the rough-hewn outdoorsman so unlike any man she had ever met before. (And who wouldn't? With his long wavy tangle of reddish blond hair and beard that I loved to wrap my fingers in as a toddler while he told fantastic frontier stories of the old days!) They set up housekeeping and before they knew it, her cooking had won over the entire camp! Miners and lumberjacks who hadn't set foot in a proper house in ages would wash their hands, comb their hair, and line up for a taste of her fine foods.

    It was from her that I learned to enjoy the simple things in life, taking care of a home and those around me. Several years after she'd passed, Summer and I were at a Mabon festival in a clearing just west of Britain where I was busy selling my cakes and crafts (for don't you know, I also enjoy crocheting comforters and crafting birdcages out of wood!), and Summer had entered herself in the lumberjacking and bear wrestling contests and was doing quite well! On the second day of the festival, we met Alarialle, proprietress of a quaint shop in the south of the land called Treasured Goods. She was looking for a crafter and manager for her shop, and after a nice chat over some harvest chamomile tea, we all struck up a bargain, and Treasured Goods has been our home ever since! I spend my time crafting my goods, blending my herbal teas and incenses, dipping my candles, and of course, cooking up wonderful foods for customers to feast upon. I think Mother would be right proud!
  5. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Disclaimer: This is an extraordinarily rough draft; snippets from my notes. Much of it has evolved along with the current fiction of Ultima, so I stopped here before it got too interwoven. I tried to trim it a little, really I did. This is basically how Doc Brown entered Sosaria, explains his crafting skills, his living &amp; work arrangements, and his rise to Chefdom. There's also plenty of schmaltz. *grin*

    Excerpts from: Time Journal of Doctor Emmett L Brown.

    The most astounding turn of events in all my travels thru Time has occurred! I seem to have discovered, quite by accident, an alternate reality to that known as Earth! My initial observations led me to believe I had travelled back to the early Renaissance period. This shortly proved to be false, in fact, this is not the Earth I know at all, but a land referred to as "Sosaria". The technological and social developments are curiously similar, yet I am convinced that this is an entirely alien world.
    Unfortunately, the Time Vehicle sustained heavy damage upon re-entry and I fear I may be marooned here until such time as repairs can be completed. I have hidden it in a nearby cave, a once fruitful mine, now deserted, and easily accessable by myself. My hope is that it remains undisturbed until I am ready to leave. If I or the Time Vehicle were to be discovered, I may be burned at the stake as a herectic!
    The cache of various currencies I had prepared before embarking on my journey proved to be a of little help. Gold would appear to be the most freely convertible of coinage, but I had little idea of the rampant inflation present in this strange new economy! My supplies are rapidly dwindling. I have decided I should seek employment, offering of my scientific skills what would not appear incongruous to this civilization's level of development.
    The technology of this time is subtley sophisicated and I sense I have much to learn. After repeated failure to find employment, I returned to my camp to cook the crow I had slain. I was happened upon by a stealthy woodsman who, I suspect, may have overheard me reciting my notes. It was a fortuitous meeting; he offered me a job! What follows is a brief account of our dialogue:

    Neeson: "Hoy dere"
    Brown: "Great Scott!"
    Neeson: "Oh, did Oi stahtle y', fella?"
    Brown: "Uh, I was er.."
    Neeson: "Tahlkin t' y'seff, aye"
    Brown: "I suppose I was, yes."
    Neeson: "Are y' mad or soemtin'?"
    Brown: "I'm beginning to entertain the possibility"
    Neeson: "Y' a cook, ain'tcha? All cooks are mad, y'knoe"
    Brown: "Yes, that's it, I cook. Would you care for some 'chicken'?"
    Neeson: "Oi moight haff a job fer y' at me tavern, den"
    Mr Neeson has agreed to afford me a workshop lease in exchange for my catering services. Within this facility, I hope to learn the sciences of this world and restore the Time Vehicle to working order. I clearly cannot remain in this world for much longer. My presence here may have serious consequences on the timeline, the magnitude of which I can scarcely imagine!
  6. Ceithlyn

    Ceithlyn Guest

    Well for me, cooking is as much OOC as it is IC :)

    OOC- Well, I've been watching cooking shows on PBS since I was 10 or so, and I spent a lot of time in the summer at my grandma's since Mom had to work. So I got to watch her cook a lot and learned some of the basics there. It kinda went away for a bit in HS, but I became re-acquainted with it in college, and started my small collection of cookbooks about 5 years ago or so. I have as much fun combining different ingredients for special dishes or throwing together a good meal out of a near bare pantry as, well, playing pretend outside or messing with paint as a kid. I guess it's the using both your hands &amp; your mind that I like so much!

    IC- It all started with Ultima 7 when 'doughnut boy' (lol) offered me a well paying job baking him mass bread loaves (I'm still in awe of how much gold a baker makes ;) I was always jealous of how -his- dough lumps beacame pies, cakes or rolls, while was still stuck on plain old farmer's loaves. Than in college not too long after I'd rediscovered cooking IRL, lo and behold UO with it's promise of a cooking skill! Wheee :) I goofed around with it in beta, and as things happened the guild I joined up with on Atlantic had a sorely neglected tavern that needed tending. And as I'd taken cooking as one of my starting skills, well it was a perfect fit :)We may be few in number that stillpaly but I have fond memories of the time spent behind the counter after hunts &amp; quest, tossing my armour &amp; sword aside for the apron &amp; skillet *sigh* And if that's not enough, I've been lured in to Dereth of late, if only to make Cragstonanoff LOL

    It may be a 'useless' skill to some, but you can't imagine how much it's given back, 'worthless' skill taht it is ;) I'm actually starting to believe I can cook nearly as well IRL - maybe it should be not just a adventure, but a job? :D
  7. Feenicks

    Feenicks Seasoned Veteran
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

    Aug 1, 2000
    Likes Received:
    <center>Below is the life story of Feenary up until he decides to take up Cheffery.

    To read this story with accompanying pictures and to read onwards past where this extract ends click here</center>

    <center>The Life and Times of Feenary the Chef.</center>

    Early Years

    His earliest memories are of his older brothers Feenicks and Feenostrineeks carrying him through the forest. They were hiding from something, running. He's not sure, Feenicks refuses to answer any questions about it except to say that it was all somewhere near Yew where they used to live with his parents.

    It's obvious to Feenary that Feenicks is trying to protect him from the memories of what happened. Based on the withdrawn and slightly disturbed nature of his eldest brother Feenostrineeks who witnessed it all... it must have been bad.

    Feenary, a mere infant, was hidden by someone, something. He doesn't really remember it, but he knows that he cannot bring himself to harm any creature that inhabits the forest. Perhaps it was the animals of the forest that guarded and protected Feenary while his older brothers fought. Presumably as a result of this, Feenary, to this day remains a pacifist in almost every sense of the term, only daring to bear his modicum of magic skills for harm in the most dire circumstances, to protect himself or his pets and friends from certain death.

    From what Feenary has managed to piece together it appears Feenicks was away but arrived home after the event. Just in time to save his two brothers. Feenostrineeks had fought hard but almost burned himself out doing it, never to be the same again.

    Raised by his brother Feenicks the woodsman turned Knight, Feenary led a rather sheltered life initially. His Brother kept as tight a rein on him as possible. Certainly not letting him get mixed up in any of the adventures that Feenicks himself used to go off and embark upon.

    Protected from most of the worlds Feenary developed a fun loving, almost jester like personality. In fact throughout his teenage years Feenary was oft seen wearing a Jester getup and performing street theatre near the West Britain Bank. Often also shining shoes for fun from time to time on the side for a little extra cash but mostly for the conversations he could have with a dazzling array of diverse people.

    The Event, and a sworn allegiance to the path of Cheffery

    It was one fateful day down at the Bank that Feenary acquired his penchant for cooking. He had always cooked a little, usually taking care of that sort of thing at home, but this day he realised that cooking would be one of his primary missions in life. You see, someone had gone out and tamed dozens of animals. Cows, deer, bears and whatnot. Feenary was most happy to see these proud beasts parading through the streets of Britain, happily following their new master. However, all was not what it seemed.

    Unbeknownst to Feenary what he thought was an elaborate petting zoo was really a maligned evil tamers idea of fun... for once the tamer had all the animals lined up at the bank he let them loose. At once the world went <font color=red>MAD!</font color=red>

    It appears that gripped by the influence of some evil spell all the once happy shoppers and bankers became gripped by some insane bloodlust and madness.

    Oh The Bloodbath that Ensued!!

    It very nearly snapped Feenarys brain.

    All the animals were promptly slaughtered by everyone for No Good Reason!!

    "Noooooooooooo!!!" shouted Feenary to no avail.

    Animals were falling left, right and center.

    The soulful moans of slain cattle, the scared bleating of sheep and llamas. The blood... oooohh the blood... Within moments it was over, and as if no frenzied orgy of death had just occurred... everyone started going about his or her business like normal.

    Well not Feenary!

    Feenary would not abide these animals deaths for no reason. Their life force, blood and spirit slowly seeping into the pavers.

    It was at that point that Feenary took up his skinning knife!

    Tears blurring his vision started carving into the corpses.

    He took meat and leather.

    From the meat he made pies, and from the leather... gloves.

    And gave them away to the people.

    For by the act of consuming the flesh of the slain beasts and wearing their hides upon ones skin, the animals Spirit Lives On! Their deaths have nay been for nought...

    So from that moment onward Feenary swore he would be among the best Chefs and Tailors in the Land and as far as he could no forest creature would rot to nothing in the wilds unremembered.

    He'd never kill them himself of course. Heavens no! But rather would find the places were hunters hunted, and admonishing them for their actions would supply them with food of the beasts they'd slain, so that at least a small part of that animal would live on within them...

    ----- End of extract ---
    Read on to:
    The life, times &amp; adventures of Feenary after he had decided to pursue the path of Chefdom
  8. Puppy

    Puppy Guest

    Honeybee is Puppy's younger sister. Puppy was half-grown when their parents died in a fire, leaving Puppy to raise not only Honeybee but their infant sister Stress (ack, I am so terrible at picking out character names, lol). By the time Stress was a teenager the small family was doing well, living in a tiny house in the Yew woods. Honeybee had a boyfriend--a bit of a ne'er-do-well but good-hearted--and a vocation, that of fishing. Fishing was an obsession and a joy for her. She only felt truly alive on the rocking deck of her boat, the Sea Bee II. She travelled everywhere, from the sunny tropical seas around Fire Isle to the icebound shores of Dagger Isle.

    She was always able to cook a little, because on long trips it was necessary to keep body and soul together with a diet of fish. But despite her love of catching the slimy creatures, Honeybee had never liked eating fish. Out of desperation she taught herself a bit about cooking, to make the fish more palatable. The little she learned intrigued her and one day she docked the Sea Bee II and went ashore to apprentice herself to a chef.

    Her love of cooking soon grew to eclipse her love of fishing. She left the solitude of the ocean behind in favor of a bustling bakery shop, and her renown in cooking spread. Unfortunately, at the same time her personal life was in disorder. Honeybee had always been an impatient person, hard to get along with and often annoyed with what she perceived as shortcomings in others. When her younger sister Stress seduced Honeybee's boyfriend, she very nearly disowned the whole family. She spent weeks away from home, practicing baking, and came home at unexpected hours just long enough to start family rows. Puppy was at her wit's end, not least of which because Honeybee's ex-boyfriend had appealed to her to let him stay in the home--a villa on the coast north of Trinsic, which Puppy had partly bought with Honeybee in mind so she could dock her ship near the house. Finally Puppy packed Stress off to study magic near Yew, Honeybee's ex-boyfriend was away fighting for Minax much of the time, and Honeybee herself achieved grandmastery in cooking.
  9. FangLeKai

    FangLeKai Guest

    i gm'd this skill so i could have my name on a cake. then someone ate that cake............and i never made another one.
  10. If memory serves me correctly, there was a tower in a faraway land called Brittania on the Yamato shard called the Ishihiro Zukyama restaraunt. Hishinoto Yokigora was a chef's assistant boy. He got promoted and stuff and one day he was named the Sioux chef of the Wukijama ****ihiro. He has made dishes for the most estimed guests.

    Here in Kitchen stadium he will take on an Iron chef.

    " ISHIZIRO HUKIJAMA!!! &gt;?&gt; IRON &gt;?&gt; CHEF &gt;?&gt; PAPUAN &gt;?&gt;"
    The statue came to life and the eccentric yet dignified rich guy who's name I always forget revealed the secret ingredient....
    " &gt;?&gt; DELUCIAN &gt;?&gt; BULL &gt;?&gt; TESTICLES &gt;?&gt;"
    The two chef's got ready to dash for the bowl of castrated bull balls...
    "ALLEZ &gt;?&gt; CUISINE &gt;?&gt;"

    ****ui: You see, the size and weight of the testicles are key for most dishes, and the smaller younger ones are usually more tend-
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: Take it Ota
    Ota: Iron chef papuan is apparently going to make a jelly out of his testicles, perhaps served on Britain-style toast!
    ****ui: Interesting.... As I was sayi-
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: Yes Ota
    Ota: The challenger appears to be making a sauce out of the bull sperm, perhaps to marinate some bull balls!
    ****ui: More interesting yet... I know that the challenger specializes in sauces, but usually they are us-
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: *grumbles* What Ota?
    Ota: Iron chef papuan seems to be centered on the scrotum still on the balls!
    ****ui: He always was a wierd fellow, and as you know that it is an orcish delicacy to make tacos made of bull scrotum wrapping up so-
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: What do you want Ota?
    Ota: Iron chef papuan challenges you to duel his main u n00b.
    ****ui: I am just about to duel your throat with that meat cleaver the challenger is about to throw at you
    Ota: *turns around and see's the challenger cooking*
    ****ui: Made you loo-
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: Shut the up Ota!
    Ota: That was not funny Kuisan.
    ****ui: Well not all of us are skimpy little shrews who babble at mach VII-
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: *Throws a chair at Ota and jumps down at Ota*
    Ota: KUISAN!?
    ****ui: *punches Ota in the face*
    Ota: Meet my bedfellow Iron Chef Delucian
    ****ui: Huh? He seemed like a pretty straight gu- *Starts bleeding through the mouth and falls over with a skinning knife in his back*
    Iron Chef:You no touch my special friend!!!
    Challenger: Shut the up wierdo!!! *Frys Iron Chef's head against the frying pan*
    Ota: *Grabs on to and bites Challenger on the leg*
    Challenger: *Let's go of the Iron Chef and puts his leg in the deep frying until he feels the squirming and biting of Ota stop
    Iron Chef: *tosses chili powder in Challenger's eyes*
    Eccentric yet dignified guy: If memory serves me right, that little ***** Ota deserved to go into that deep fryer along with the Challenger's leg.
    Ota: *comes out of the deep frying and throws a handful of boiling oil at the Chellenger who accidentally ducks and Iron Chef is blinded*
    Iron Chef: You little *****!*Grabs out for Ota but only gets a handful of scalded off skin*
    ****ui: *utters his last words* Corp Por!
    Ota: *Gets head blown off*
    EYDRG: An Ex Por *Paralyzes Iron chef*
    Challenger: *Cleaves EYDRG's head in 2 pieces*
    Iron Chef and The Challenger both flamestrikeeach other at the same time

    The panel declares that Ota's deep fryed fingers taste the best out of any other body parts, however rancid they may be!
  11. mcnoo

    mcnoo Guest

    The history of rupert, palace chef of the sultanette of nujel'm, europa

    Born in moonglow, rupert suffred a childhood of terrible poverty. He lived in the gutter, but unlike many of sosarias residents, he managed to hang on to his parents, they currently run the moonglow bakery.
    During his life in the gutter he learned to cook, he learned to cook because if they had to eat mud and insects, they might as well be cooked. Of course, in his family they couldnt afford knidleing, so he learned to cook on the buring skins of rats, thrown away by the more wealthy class of poor family after they ate the meat. This led to ruperts amaxzing ability to create a fine quality meal from the worst of conditions. Before long, his cooking talents were enough to get his family established enough for his parents to get a job in the bakery. Eventualy he left home and traveled to britain to make his fortune, where he was promptly mugged and lost almost everything he had. Fortunatly, while selling the last of his bread outside the bank of britain, being the crowded place that it is, he did not see who it was that slipped the check for 16k into his hands. This was enough to get him back on his feet and look presentable enough to buy some proper clothes and sell food better. Before long his cooking was quite well developed and he journeyed to nujel'm to sell his wares to a new city. He was fortunate to run into who are now three good friends of his, Chanan, Echidna, and Xarktlos, who suggested he should find work in the palace as a chef.
    The vizer tasted his apple pie, now famed throughout all sosaria, and gave him the job, where he currently resides, rich and famous at last.
  12. Reachwind

    Reachwind Guest

    In the time before the return of twisted half man half machine Lord Blackthorne the world was a scary evil place. Lord British using some form of unparalleled magic cleaved the very fabric of reality into two parts one good and the other evil. Unfortunately during this cleaving of reality a young apprentice chef named Emeril was split into two parts along with the world. The good parts of Emeril included the desire to please people with cooking and a kind generous nature. The other Emeril...The evil Emeril had all of the skill and none of the desire to see people enjoy his cooking. In fact the evil Emeril was the exact opposite of the good Emeril in that he loathed people who dared to defile HIS creations by simply eating them.

    Not long after the world had been split people learned that it was possible to pass through magical gates to enter either side. The good Emeril wanting badly to go and give assistance to those who were caught on the wrong side of the split rushed through the gate with his cooking supplies in order to feed the starving and infirm. The first day through the gate Emeril found that the people there not only were starving but they actually choose to starve rather than to eat. Most people when they saw him coming with his pack of hot bread and meat either ran from him or threatened him off with dark magics or drawn sword. Emeril couldn't believe this! It wasn't until his second day in the realm of evil that Emeril found out why...

    The evil Emeril unlike the good never felt the desire to rush through that gate. He knew that he was in his proper place. The trees were a delightfully discolored shade od dead and dying and the ground was covered blood. A trip to Britain's main library later and Emeril had the knowledge of his first poison. It wasn't very strong but it certainly could kill when mixed in to enough food and given to those who were already weak. Quickly Emeril mixed up a batch of his sweetest bread and applied a healthy dosage of his posin and headed for the healer's shop. There he would offer his foul food to those who the healers were trying to save. The first time Emeril saw a once proud and strong warrior succumb to his poisonous delights he cackled with joy and raced to the library for the recipie for an even stronger poisonous brew.

    Evil Emeril had a hard time getting people to eat his food after word had passed around that his food was deadly. Emeril was forced to bargain with the Thieve's guild to aquire the secret to disguising himself in order to pass his food around and soon even that was not effective. Emeril started to shudder... What if people will not eat my cooking! How can I make people sick if they refuse my food! During this time of disturbing thought Emeril leered across the deserted streets of Britain at a lone man walking up the street whistling a gawdy tune and waving a loaf of fresh bread as if it were a baton. With a look of sheer amazment he mummbled, "that looks like...."

    "...Me!" said a bewildered good Emeril. As he stared across the lonely street Emeril saw his exact double! As Emeril looked closer though he started seeing small differences... The other Emeril wore stained clothes and had the look of a man who didn't bathe often. Without giving a second thought the good Emeril raced toward the double arms spread wide.. It must surely be my lost brother!

    Evil Emeril saw this wretched creature stop in mid stride and stare open mouthed at him. The world seemed to stop for all but the two of them. Then as if time suddenly restarted the strange duplicate ran straight at Emeril arms wide as if he were prepared to hug. Evil Emeril readied his rusting cooking knife (freshly poisoned thanks to his using it to stir his nastiest batch of poison.) As the double entered his kill zone the knife flashed out and took the grinning fool straight across the neck. A woman working in the nearby tanner's hut screamed for the guards and Evil Emeril soon found himself surrounded as the good Emeril lay bleeding and sick on the ground in front of him.

    The last thought good Emeril had before passing into the dark black sleep of the dead was that his brother must have his recipie for llama quishe! So he spoke with his final breaths, "leg...of ...llama and a pinch of ... .... ginseng to give it flavor..."

    As Emeril watched the revolting double die in the street the guards turned to him and said, "you're lucky scum, he didn't wish to charge thee with murder. For now ye are free to go." Emeril watched the guards go and quickly looked through the bag left behind by the dead man. It was full of recipie books and cooking ingredients. Aha, he thought, just what I needed. With a sickly grin the evil man headed off for another town...Moonglow perhaps?
  13. Ketsugi

    Ketsugi Guest

    I have dug out Kelrynh's story from the dusty tomes in my library, for the sake of those who are old enough to remember this once-beloved Elven chef of Lake Superior.

    Kelrynh is the youngest of the y'Krr'na children, being six years older than Kendara and a good nine years younger then Kern. They lost their parents, Jerome d'Therisl and Xcalia y'Krr'na, when Kelrynh was a mere six years old. They aren't dead, though, but they reside in a land and world that they have no way of getting back to. The three children wandered through some manner of magical portal they found in the woods, and found themselves in the middle of what they know now to be Hind Valley on Honesty Isle. Before they had a chance to react, however, the portal closed behind them, leaving them stranded in a strange land.

    They quickly learned that it was a potentially hostile one. As they wandered toward the nearby road they were repeatedly set upon by odd creatures which looked rather like large monkeys with batlike wings. Fortunately, Kern had already spent several years honing her skills with a blade, and she dispatched the foul beasts with relative ease. Stirred, but not shaken, they managed to find their way to Moonglow city before sundown, where the local innkeeper took pity on them and took them in.

    At that time, Kelrynh was the only one who had not begun learning any form of combat skills. Indeed, wiith her sister a swordswoman and her brother an archer, she found the idea of physical combat rather distasteful. Instead she took great interest in the inn's kitchens, and began to learn to cook. Interest turned to passion, and before long she had learnt all that the inn's chefs could teach her. It wasn't enough for her, however, and Kelrynh had to make the painful decision to leave Moonglow and find apprenticeship with a more skilled chef. She travelled to the city of Britain, where Chad, the baker who owned Good Eats, agreed to tutor her in the culinary arts. She worked hard in the bakery, spending many hours a day perfecting her recipes and techniques, and many Britannian citizens came to know her for her delicious creations.

    Kelrynh was almost eighteen years of age, as humans reckon time, when Chad conferred on her the title of Grandmaster Chef, telling her that there was nothing more to learn that she already didn't know, and that it was now her duty as one of a group of these elite few to use her skills to feed the hungry and to spread joy and goodness through the land. He also gave her a note introducing her to the guildmistress of the Britannian Society of Chefs, and she set off with a cheerful demeanour to join this esteemed guild.

    The guildmistress, one Lady Athena Braz, welcomed her to the BSC, dubbing her "Lady of the Picnic" on a whim. Neither of the women knew how prophetic that title would turn out to be later on.

    Despite Chad's parting instructions, Kelrynh wasn't crazy about going and carving a niche for herself in the culinary circles just yet. She was still young, there was so much about the world she wanted to learn. Mostly, though, she wanted to be able to read and write. Literacy was a rare thing and a mark of the true intellectual. She set out to learn to inscribe, but it wasn't long before she realised that the skills of inscription were best learnt in tandem with those of the arcane arts. In order to develop her penmanship to the fullest, she had to be familiar with magic.

    Armed with a deep love and passion for food, and newfound magical abilities, Kelrynh began to lay out plans to bring food to the people, to make eating a pleasurable and leeisurely activity once more, instead of merely the daily necessity most Britannians treated it as. Enlisting the help of friends, she scouted out a number of locations she felt would make lovely picnic locations, and prepared a runebook with marked with runes to those locations. She decided to hire a merchant to sell copies of the runebook for her, along with food items for people to bring on their picnics. But even as she made these plans, the golems and their controllers began to invade the land, and she put the picnic business aside as she went forth with her magicks to battle the new enemy.

    [It was at this point that I quit UO, so Kelrynh's Ultima story ended... for good.]
  14. Amythyst

    Amythyst Guest


    My partner, Rhiannon, had been playing Ultima for many months, even years, when she began trying to convince me to play. I'd watched, over her shoulder, as she worked HER chosen skill... mining.

    "Whatcha doin'?" I'd ask, as I saw her character standing near a mountain.
    "Mining," she'd reply, as she macro'd her "last object" for her shovel and clicked on the same spot over and over. Then she'd move an inch and a half, and do it again.
    "You're kidding, right? This is what you do for FUN?!"
    "Yep. You should play," she would say, whacking on the rocks again.
    "Uh... yeah. I'll get right on that..."

    One night, though, she said the magic words that made me wander closer, and begin looking into the possibility of playing...

    "You don't HAVE to be a miner, ya know. Or a blacksmith. You could be a tailor, or a carpenter, or a mage, or a fighter. You could even be a chef."

    *perk* Chef?!

    From a family of cooks, I came... my father, my aunt, my grandmother, all professional cooks at one time in their lives. And now, I could be a chef in a GAME? Hmmm....


    When I was finally old enough to leave my home in the wilderness, I decided that I would go and live in town. I'd often journeyed there with my mother after father was killed defending Britain from an invasion of ogres from the north, and I knew that there were so many more things happening in town, so many more people. Yes, I enjoyed our tiny cabin out in the woods, where we grew our own vegetables and raised livestock for milk, eggs, and meat... but I needed *more* for myself. Besides, I'd discovered that when I started into my half-womanhood, that I had some very strange powers that I knew my mother would not appreciate. I'd heard it from her many times... "Magery and magick are a turrible thing, Amy. Stay fur away from 'em, cuz they'll kill yer and do nasty things to yer and turn yer into a frog or a hop-toad if yer make 'em angry!" And now here I was, able to light up the darkness of the night with a few whispered words, allowing me to see in the dark. Able to kill animals from a distance. The day I took down a lizardman who was snuffling about our cow pasture was the day I decided it was time to seek my fortune elsewhere.

    I rode into town on my ostard, the only thing father had left me, with nothing in my pack but a few gold coins I'd managed to put by over the years, and the ability to cook just about anything. Mother was never very good at cooking, so I'd been doing it since I was old enough to reach the top of the cookstove and fuel the oven without catching myself on fire.

    I approached the Inn, but was told there was no work there for me, and wandered town for nearly a full day before I found the bakery. Audrianna, the baker, took pity on me, showing me how to mill flour and make bread, how to mix honey in with the loaf to make muffins, how to stir up a good cake batter and how to create fancy dishes like quiche. After many months of training with her, I became better and better, until the day that she declared that there was no more she could teach me, and I wandered out to find more work on my own.

    Happenstance took me to the Hammer &amp; Anvil forge, where I met a number of blacksmiths, all very friendly. They helped me out with some lightweight armor, a weapon, and a pat on the back, showing me how to kill skeletons for gold and experience. I paid them in food, because it was all I had. Often, these smiths would sit at the forge for hours on end, working hard creating and repairing armor, weapons, and other items, forgetting to eat or drink in their highly-focussed work. They always exclaimed what a wonderful dish I'd created, how tasty my cookies were, but I never thought much of it until the day that the Guild Master, Kenzo, who was the leader of the group of smiths I often fed, came to me.

    "Amythyst Dawn," he said, "how would you like to join us?"
    "But I'm not a smith," I said, and he smiled.
    "No," he answered, "but I'd like to name you our honorary chef. Will you join us, cook for us, and care for us the way you have been? I'd be honored to have you as one of us."

    I accepted his offer, and became the kitchen wench for their guild, cooking for them each day, making them eat when they forgot.

    Eventually, I began my own cafe in my home in Malas, purchased with the gold paid to me by the guild, but I still go to the smithy each day with a large pot of stew, some fresh bread, and a smile, reminding the smiths to eat and stop for awhile to rest.
  15. i pirated a chef once...
    it was fun
    i laughed
    he died..
    kicked him off my new ship
    docked it
    laughed more.

  16. Elliott

    Elliott Guest

    Bo Gets Lucky

    The first time I met Bo, his pants were down to his knees, or should I say up to his knees, as he was standing on his head. Bo was breaking the first rule of the Yewside Crispy Critter Coffee Shop on the outskirts of Britain, by 'working' the customers. Bo is a begger, as are most of my graveyard shift customers. My name is Bubba, or Cookie Bubba as my customers call me.

    Bo was attempting the old 'Tattoo on my rear that says "MoM', and when I stand on my head it says 'WoW', trick.'

    I approached Bo and his partner, Half, though I didn't know their names, then, and noticed that Bo still had all of his teeth, somewhat rare in his profession, but the nice hue of green said he was experienced in his trade.

    Half on the other hand, had about uh, Half his teeth and what were left were about Half rotted. He stood about Half as tall as a regular man, and was about Half as bright.

    Good name.

    Perhaps from out of town, so I explained the house rules.

    "You can't come in until after 11PM, and you need to leave by 6AM, during that time you can buy a cup of coffee for one gold, and we'll keep if filled all night"

    "That way you can sleep in the park in the daytime, when the Guard don't seem to mind."

    "Working the customers for money gets you thrown out for a week, but since you're new, you can come back tomorrow, now get out of here or I'll call the Guard."

    Bo and Half left peacable, which is good since calling the Guard means all of my regular customers need to vacate the premises. They were back the next night, and became a couple of regulars.

    On a rare occasion Bo bought some food, must have had a good day, and I made the mistake of putting a piece of parsley on his plate.

    "I don't eat nothin' GREEN", he yelled at me, throwing the parsley in my direction.

    "Then how do you keep your TEETH lookin' that way", I yelled back.

    Half laughed so hard he nearly fell off his stool, while Bo sulked for the rest of the night.

    Not long after that, Bo came in without Half, which had never happened before. He wasn't alone, though, he had a rather 'round' female companion with him. She was giggling and smiling a lot, as was Bo, and it occured to me that this might be a big night for Bo. Somthing sad in me kind of bit me, that comming to my dive coffee shop would be a hot night on the town for anybody just seemed, well sad.

    I would do my best to make this a night for Bo and his date to remember.

    I thought about visiting the table and personally taking their order, then I remembered this was Bo. Had he told the girl he owned the place? Maybe he told he I owed him a lot of money. No telling what kind of lies he was laying on this girl, and I could only screw up his pitch with my ignorance if I approached the table.

    I called the waitress, Millie, over and explained I wanted Bo and his date to get special treatment, extra napkins, butter, jam, whatever seemed good to her, and make sure the silveware is clean, and no smudges on the coffee cups.

    Millie just nodded, I knew she was a fan of Bo's, too, he was quick witted and always knew the latest jokes.

    Their order came through, two ham and eggs, everything WELL DONE, which had been my guess. I appropriatly burned the food, but in a nice way, and made sure not to place any parsley on the plates. I think it could have been anything and they would have been happy, not really paying much attention to the food, but I felt good that I had at least done my part in making this a special occasion.

    About that time I got a second order on the grill, for steak and eggs, medium. I couldn't recall the last time I had a steak order on graveyard shift, and medium to boot! I looked around to see who had placed the order.

    At the counter was a well dressed man, in a bright blue felt hat and a goat hair sweater. I had no idea where this stranger had come from, certainly not a regular for this part of town.

    I notice some of the other regulars checking out the new customer, trying to decide if it was worth sleeping on the streets for a week. I eyed most of them down, shaking my head, and they went back to their coffee.

    I was in a good mood, and took a lot of enjoyment in finding the perfect steak with a nice marble, cooked to perfection and placed on the plate with the cutting edge facing the outside. The hashbrowns were grilled with a dee brown crisp, and a bit of butter spread on top. The eggs were firm in the whites and soft in the yokes, with a nice sprig of parsley on the side.

    A masterpiece of cullinary perfection, fit for the finest noble, even if he wandered in here by mistake.

    I watched my well dressed customer with a gleem in my eye. He would be suprised. He would be astonised. He would tell all of his friends about my coffee shop. He was stinking drunk.


    He slammed his fork into the steak as if is was shoe leather. Sawed with his steaknife like he was cutting steel. The tender steak split in half instantly and his momentium sprayed the entire contents of his plate in both directions. Eggs and half a steak flinging off to the left spattering down one side of the counter, and hash brown with the other half of the steak sliding down the other.

    The man stood up, did a three-sixty spin, and colapsed dead drunk on the floor, hitting his head on the counter and spraying a nice shower of blood on the mess.

    When I came to my senses, I ran screaming towards the now unconsious man on the floor.

    "I gotta call the Guard, he needs a healer, everyone clear out!"

    As I passed Bo's table, I heard his date offer to take him to her house, at least Bo was going to be snug for the night.

    I reached the man and turned him over, the cut didn't really look too bad.

    The man gave me a wide grin, as I recognized who I was holding, it was Half.
  17. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Can anyone tell me why when I open this thread, I get a login screen to the University of Wollongong staff area??? weird!!
  18. Feenicks

    Feenicks Seasoned Veteran
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

    Aug 1, 2000
    Likes Received:
    Aye i must apoogise for that.

    It's where my signature pictures were hosted.

    Then the area went down.

    Now it's back up but with a login verification. Im looking to have the situation recitified.
    It is actually happening to a lot of old threads my posts are in.

    Sorry bout that.