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(Player Event) Contest-Kill of your Character

Discussion in 'UO Catskills' started by Aedon Durreah, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    In the spirit of the recent demise of Va'lis, I would like to bring back from the dead an old contest of mine.

    Some years back, I held a contest asking folks to write a story describing the death of their character. The catch was this. Your character could not, as many of us would like, die a noble death. Oh no. Instead I ask that you write a story telling of the death in the most outrageous manner you can think of.

    This death must be an embarrassing to death. It must make the angels above ROTFL.

    I will run this contest up until Midnight, March 17th. A winner will be chosen, and a prize of 5 million gold pieces awarded.

    I know you all want to do it, so go on, kill your character for a chance at fame and riches. Just be sure that all the mourners get a great laugh out of it.
     
  2. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    Oh, this is going to be fun!
     
  3. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    Muwahahahha
    Do eet!
     
  4. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    Did I neglect to mention Stories should be posted here?
     
  5. Vlaude

    Vlaude Lore Keeper
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    As Aedon chided the community for not killing themselves Vlaude's tongue could no longer hold itself.

    "BUT IT FEELS SO FORCED AEDON!" he screamed, trying to create as dramatic an atmosphere as he could.

    At that moment, Vlaude realized what had to be done. A catalyst had to get things started. The crowd grew as Vlaude climbed to the second level of Aedon's castle overlooking the green grass down below. As he waited for someone to tell him not to do it (which never happened) he decided to go for it and down he went. As he hit the ground he heard a loud pop. He realized he had survived the fall, but with something dislocated. Looking down at his right leg he noticed the part going from his shin to his toes was in an awkward position.

    "Oh great," he mumbled to himself. "CAN SOMEONE THROW ME A SWORD PLEASE? I KIND OF CAN'T MOVE RIGHT NOW, KTHXBYE."

    Suddenly 50 swords fell around his body.

    He looked up at the crowd. "BUT THERE AREN'T EVEN 50 OF YOU STANDING THERE..." he said to them. "Welp, here it goes." he said to himself, knowing they were his last words.

    With that he took one of the swords in his hand and thrust it through his abdomen, never to see the light of day again.
     
  6. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    I'm still thinking. I hope to have something horribly embarrassing happening to Black Sun by tomorrow afternoon.
     
  7. Scarst

    Scarst Lore Master
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    Rotep was walking through the forest one day, when all of a sudden he saw James as he was walking over to say "Hi" He fell into a Spike pit and died. As James Laughed knowing his plan would soon be under way he walked to the broker to collect the insurance policy he had and set up evidence to frame the clone of Rotep he'd just made.
     
  8. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    *chuckles*
    When I chide you,you will know you have been chided.
     
  9. Vlaude

    Vlaude Lore Keeper
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    Sorry, I was using the narrator's viewpoint (which is not third-person omniscient) to overexaggerate to add to the humor, it was meant to be read as metafiction. I knew you weren't really chiding anyone (it was more of an invitation). But I hope I never have to see that side of you :) This thread needs more death!
     
  10. Farsight

    Farsight Crazed Zealot
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    Aneirin looked at the plate sitting on the table in front of him. The plate itself was nothing special. It was a simple white plate with a small chip from the edge.

    What really caught his attention though were the contents of the plate.

    The smell caught his attention first. Who could resist the smell of fresh baking, after all. The sugar and melted chocolate combined in a pallet which could move the soul. Whoever had left the plate on the table must have known the grungy sailor's true weakness.

    Cookies.

    He didn't know who left them, or why, but he took the chance to cram a handful of the chocolate chip cookies into his mouth. Once his jaw was crammed full of cookies, he couldn't help but try to exclaim, "Wuhbuhfuh!" as the freshly baked cookies practically melted in his mouth.

    But he only got as far as "Wuh..." before he reflexively inhaled, and the half chewed delight was flung to the back of his throat.

    His eyes grew wide as he realized that he could no longer breath. After trying in vain to swallow and failing, he realized that he didn't have much of a chance. It was odd, he though, how calm he was when facing the end of his days from a few bits of baked goods. But no matter what he tried, the cookies remained lodged in his throat.

    Turning a dark shade of blue, he had one last thought.

    "...Then no man shall."

    He took the rest of the cookies and shoved them all in his mouth.

    They were tasty.

    And that's the story of Aneirin and the Ebil (TM) cookies.
     
  11. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    Black Sun trudged along the road dragging an enormous crate behind him. He wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but he had somehow managed to get himself talked into going on an errand for his chef, Gordon, who purchased a large amount of wine from some monks in Yew.

    Getting to Yew was simple enough, the trouble was getting the wine back to the house. The crate they had packed the wine in was nearly as tall as a man, and 3 times as wide. Too wide to get it to pass through a moongate, and far too heavy to hold while using any form of magical transport. So, on foot, across the continent he headed towards the house.

    It wasn't long before he needed a rest, Black Sun sat down in the shade of the box and began to ponder his situation. He thought about dispatching a message bird to call on the help of his friend Alex. If he could bring his pet dragon, they could tie the crate it's back and let the dragon carry it. No, no, that wouldn't work. He didn't have a bird in his pocket, besides knowing Alex he was probably out crawling around some swamp wrestling with toads or some nonsense. He was always out on some foolish errand. He wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, which probably explains why he became a tamer anyway.

    Black Sun began thumping his head against the crate trying to knock his brain into action. That's when it hit him. Not an idea, a bottle. One of the bottles of wine had fallen through a hole in the crate and directly onto his head. Right after that the idea hit. He'd just have to lighten his load! Black Sun popped the cork on the bottle and began drinking. 3 bottles later he was back on the road with renewed purpose. He even felt giddy enough to sing a little song, much to the distaste of any nearby wildlife.

    Roughly 13 bottles of wine, 4 hours, and 9 rest stops later Black Sun was nearly home. He decided to take a shortcut through the forest to speed his journey. All the hard work and wine had his stomach growling, and the sooner her got home the sooner he could stuff his face. Just then he smelled something delicious. He stopped in his tracks and sniffed the air. He closed his eyes and began wandering through the brush following his nose. It wasn't long before he heard the crackling and popping of a fire, he opened his eyes to see a large pot hung above a fire pit, full to the brim with a brownish colored soup. Looking around he couldn't see anyone who looked as though they might be the owner of the mysterious pot. But not wanting it to go to waste he grabbed a spoon from next to the fire and dug in. A fully belly and a few more bottles of wine later the pot was half empty and Black Sun was laying under a tree fighting to stay awake. That's when he heard the voices. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but they were getting closer.

    His drunken brain told him to take the fastest route out of the small camp. For some reason he decided that was up the nearest tree. Just as he reached the top of the tree half a dozen naked orc's walked into the camp. They were all dripping wet and not a single one of them smelled like any other orc Black Sun had ever encountered. They were... clean! They must have been bathing in the nearby river. The largest one of them walked over to the fire and looked into the soup pot.

    "Hey, where did go our laundry water?" he asked the others, pulling a leathery loin cloth out of the pot.

    "It not matter. Skins clean, wear hides and we hunt dinner." said the one Black Sun assumed was the leader.

    Clinging to the branch Black Sun watched as each orc took a loin cloth from the pot and tied it about their waist. It took a minute before he realized what he was watching. The orcs had been doing their laundry while they bathed in the river. So that soup was... Black Sun's stomach protested, his face began to turn green. His hands flew up to cover his mouth before he got sick. With his hands clamped over his mouth he lost his hold on the tree and dropped like a stone. As he fell he slammed into every branch along the way, until he was near the bottom. At that point fate decided to take pity on him and one of the branches snagged his pants. Black Sun was jerked to a sudden halt, his pants tangled around a branch, he found himself hanging upside down with no pants, covered in a mixture of blood, vomit, tree sap and leaves with a stunned group of orcs looking at him.

    "Hail friends. Could I trouble you for a bit of help?" he asked trying to manage a grin. The orcs all looked at one another before they converged on him. Black Sun covered his eyes and hoped for the best. Next thing he knew the world had gone dark and hazy and he was standing on the ground watching some poor man hanging from a tree being beat by a group of club wielding orcs. A feeling of relief overwhelmed him as he turned his back to the sight and began to walk away. In his path lay a fire with a large pot hanging above it.

    "OooOOoOoooO... Look! Soup!" he said.
     
  12. Zosimus

    Zosimus Grand Inquisitor
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    I just wanted to write a quick funny about Aedon.

    Britians Soup Contest.

    Soup # 1: Ricardo's Steal Your Heart Soup

    Lord British: Meaty and quite tasty broth. Very impressive.

    Lord Blackthorn: Soup with shredded lamb. Almost tastes like my royal sheep but alas they were stolen last week from my private farms. I would add more tomaot to it. I admit the flamestrike peppers add a nice heat flavor to the soup.

    Aedon Durreah: My ears are bleeding, and I lost my vision in my left eye. I farted and four people behind me needed healers. I swear that meat must came from a hell hound. Ricardo this may upset you but your soup has given me brain damage. God help me make it.


    Soup # 2: Sherry the Mouse Spicy Cheese Soup Variety

    Lord British: Thin but very cheesy. I like the balance of spices, onions and flamestrike peppers.

    Lord Blackthorn: The best I ever tasted. The variety of cheese mixed with flamestrike peppers, onions, and garlic. Excellent.

    Aedon Durreah: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. My insides feel like hyloth. No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I almost feel like I could Cor Por my guts out. I feel faint. Where am I again?

    Soup # 3: Grizelda the Hag Screaming Flame Soup

    Lord British: Smokey lava lizard taste with a hint of mongbat wings. Slight flamestrike pepper tang with red mushrooms. Very good.

    Lord Blackthorn: *sigh*, tastes as if she threw in 7 day old meat from a sheep. The heat of the soup is fine but I am worried about Aedon. He appears to be in a bit of distress.

    Aedon Durreah: You could throw an explosion pot in my mouth and go off, and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in my other eye now and its all dark. Somebody cast night sight on me to verify my blindness. My nose feels like I have been snorting crushed black pearl. The healers will know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful, and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. Oh well... if I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

    Soup Contest on hold due to Aedon Durreah's demise.
     
  13. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    *just dies laughing*

    This is hysterical!!! And I think I have had meals that have made me feel like that.

    Thank you for killing off my character in such an undignified manner, and for a huge laugh. Had this been your character You would have just won the contest. But I refuse to give myself the prize. I have more gold then I need.
     
  14. Zosimus

    Zosimus Grand Inquisitor
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    Hehe Glad you liked it. I have no need of gold. Just thought I try to do some humor at your charaters expense :p With things irl going on in the world we all need a laugh at times. Plus it's your contest and didnt want you to feel out lol :p
    :beer:
     
  15. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    Contest ends at midnight tonight.
     
  16. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    One hour left and so far the contest is between Gordon's Death, and that of Xander Rayne. After midnight I will have an impartial third party, (my Wife) choose the winner and announce it here.

    Thank you to those who got into the spirit of fun intended in this post. I am sure I will think of another contest to taunt you all soon.

    Xander's entry can be found here for those interested in reading it.

    http://catskillsroleplayers.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=events&action=display&thread=625
     
  17. CharlieTib

    CharlieTib Journeyman
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    It's a morbid bards tale contest!
    Only you Aedon :p
     
  18. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    *grins at Charlie.*
    I'm a lil ole grim reaper.
     
  19. Farsight

    Farsight Crazed Zealot
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    I never did kill off Farsight...

    I reserve the right to do that in a most humiliating way in the future, prize or no!

    (And my vote goes for Va'lis. Getting killed by Eban is the MOST HUMILIATING EVER!)
     
  20. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    *chuckles* I will be interested in reading how you kill off Farsight. I think we should all kill ourselves from time to time.

    While I do agree that Va'lis suffered the greatest humiliation possible in his death, it did not make me chuckle, so cannot win.
     
  21. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    First off, my thanks to those who jumped in and had fun with this. You have surely demonstrated the light hearted side of Catskills.

    It was a difficult process to chose between the two finalists. One had orc loin cloth soup, which many of you know Aedon has a fondness for. And the other had Bunnies and an Indiana Jones story of bumbling misadventure.

    I took the two to a higher authority,( my spouse) and between the two of us we have made the final choice.

    It is my pleasure to announce that we could not decide between the two. Therefore, we have declared a tie, and Black Sun and Xander Rayne will both be receiving the prize. Gentlemen, please contact Aedon in game to collect your winnings.
     
  22. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    I'm glad my story was amusing, apparently enough so as to win a prize. But I'm not hurting for gold myself and another 5 mil would just be 5 less bank spaces. I just entered for the fun of it. If I could, I would like to ask a favor Aedon. Would you be so kind as to donate my winnings to the moonglow zoo so that the entire shard can enjoy it?
     
  23. Farsight

    Farsight Crazed Zealot
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    I could act like an animal, would that count?
     
  24. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    Almost, but not quite.
     
  25. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    As you like it. It shall be done.
     
  26. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    Pah, you are a pirate,. You just come in and steal what you want.
     
  27. Thom

    Thom Lore Keeper
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    As a pirate he IS an animal :lol:
     
  28. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    Thank you.
     
  29. Aedon Durreah

    Aedon Durreah Village of Aegis
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    Harc harc harc!!
     
  30. Maximilliean

    Maximilliean Guest

    This is the story of the all powerful Necro-Mage, Storm Ravenwood, and the innocent pretty golden desert ostard. Now since she had lost her library card and that stupid wench at the library obviously wouldn't know greatness if it slapped her in the face with a haddock, Storm had to jump through all the hoops and cut through miles of red tape to get a new one.
    So Storm storms off to find the notary, get the this worthless piece of parchment signed and take it back to the library. Oh but no it can't be that simple. Since the notary doesn't now the basics of supply and demand Storm has to go get her a supply of sealing wax if she ever wants a library card, since we all know how quickly government employees get anything done. Storm gathers up her reagents, spell books, dons her armor and steps through the gate into Illshenar to find the bee keeper. After a short journey she finds the bee keeper, but he also went to the Lord British School of Economics and can't fill her order of sealing wax since he is out of speckled scorpion poison sacs. Finally a glimmer of sunshine to her day. Storm offers to retrieve these sacs from their cold dead bodies in exchange for her sealing wax. The bee keeper agrees and she if off to the desert.
    Storm enters the desert and summons her energy vortexes to handle the pathetic minions that inhabit the desert. She works her way through the desert laying waste to anything that dares challenge her greatness. Using her mastery of the dark arts to drain their life force and reanimate some as her mindless slaves. Drunk with power she sees a golden desert ostard. "Pfft that's not even worth the minimal energy it would take to destroy it. I have more pressing matters." Unfortunately the golden desert ostard had Necro-Mage on his menu and started charging Storm. Before she knew it the golden beast on top of her pecking madly at her. She tried to command her minions to slay this fowl creature but they were busy fighting other things and her own spells were falling her. "It’s time for a tactical withdraw it must have a silver lined beak" thought Storm as she attempted to run away. Unfortunately for her the golden desert ostard could run faster than her and cut off her retreat. She look at the golden beast and thought, "I can't believe I'm going to be killed by a giant yellow bird."
     
  31. Maximilliean

    Maximilliean Guest

    Oh here's a good story..

    Kenny decided to visit the dragons.

    "Oh look at the pretty drag.....OooOoooOo"
     
  32. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    This was the same thing Mr. Rogers said right before big bird pecked him to death. Turns out Fred was in the wrong neighborhood.