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Dear Friends of Elvis!!!

Discussion in 'UO Chesapeake' started by Zelda of Zed, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. Zelda of Zed

    Zelda of Zed Guest

    I have a horrible problem that has to do with my sweet little Elvis. He seems to have developed a nervous twitch, bad rash and has been fiercely chewing on his hoofs until they are all the way down to the nubs!!!!! I have been taking him to see Veterinarians throughout the lands but most of them looked at me like I was out of my mind and say “that is not a real pet, that’s bacon!!”

    I explained to the Veterinarians that he was not food! He is my friend and loved by all! One Veterinarian who was completely insensitive and ox headed at that, had the audacity to make this comment to me “Yeah I bet he’s loved... loved for breakfast, lunch and a very good dinner!” and right in front of Elvis too! My sweet Elvis began to shake and tremble while pushing against the side of my leg as he trotted backwards to hide behind me.

    I lovingly scooped Elvis up into my arms and kicked open the door of the unprofessional and disgusting Veterinarian’s office. Had I stayed there one more second I knew I would have done something that I would later regret doing. I have a spell book and I know how to use it.

    I thought this horrible nightmare was over but it just became more terrifying for Elvis as I ran into Clair outside the vet office! First thing out of his meat loving greasy lips was “ITS BACON!” Elvis went ridged and fainted in my arms, I thought for sure I had lost him but he was still lightly breathing which was lucky for Clair. I “Glared” at Clair and screamed "Get the hell out of my way! You! I can Kill!" I then quickly pushed him out of my way, and went on to the next Veterinarian.

    The Delucia Vet was the only one who’s eyes did not get that sugar glazed look over them when I brought Elvis in. He was very professional and told me Elvis is suffering from Present and Posttraumatic stress disorder. The Vet was ready to call the Britannia ASPCA because he thought I had been mentally and physically abusive to Elvis. He demanded to know why Elvis was fully covered in tattoos. I explained to him that horrible people sometimes come through our home on their way to the abyss and as soon as they see Elvis they say horrid things like "Nummm Bacon or “Nice Hamhocks" and even worse, every time I would take him to town, someone would make comments on how tasty he looks. I also told him about the night I fell asleep at the Luna bank, and when I awoke, folks had given Elvis a full body tattoo without his or my consent. Things have even gone as far as a BBQ pit being built to roast him by EM Drosselmeyer last week at the Luna Bank. (Unfortunately the little “Special” people at the bank kept taking the items EM Drosselmeyer was putting down.)

    The Vet knew I had not been mentally or physically abusive to Elvis and gave me something to calm him down and myself as well. (Luna Mead, what a wonderful thing….*Hic*….).

    The Delucia vet suggested that I take Elvis to the best vet in the land, who was located in the Malas City of Luna. I have to say I left there very upset when the Luna Vet suggests Elvis would be better off with less stress. He suggested that we put a pineapple on top his back and an apple in his mouth. Then the Luna Vets eyes also got that sugar glazed over look, and he began mumbling to himself ‘’Bacon is goooood” and something about getting with EM Drosselmeyer to build a better pit by the stable. “….and folks think I am outta my mind” I mumbled back, as he looked for EM Drosselmeyer’s binding bracelet number, I got the hell out of there.

    Elvis was so distraught when we left the Veterinarians office, shaking in my arms the entire way home. Once we were home Elvis kicked his way free from my embrace and scuttled under the auction table. I have tried everything I could think of but I cannot get him out from under there!

    I feel so helpless and lost because I am unable to get through to my poor Elvis because of all mental anguish that has been heaped on his little piggy back.

    Please Help Me!




    P.s.. Thanks Gareth!!!!!
     
  2. georox

    georox Sage
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    Mmm.... bacon....

    Wait, were we discussing the eating of bacon or using the belly-flesh to have bacon to eat?

    *gets his carving knives*
     
  3. You know, one properly placed flame strike might do it . . . B A C O N!
     
  4. georox

    georox Sage
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    No no no... that would burn the bacon... it is best cooked until just the right level of crisp, not charred to a strange black substance that tastes like burning...
     
  5. Nexus

    Nexus Site Support
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    PorkTheBetterWhiteMeat
     
  6. whiterabbit

    whiterabbit Stratics Legend
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    YOOS LEBES MEEES FRIEND ELBIS ALONE !!!! HIMZ A GOOS FRIEND. HIMZ EBEN GIBES MEEES PIGGY BACK RIDES!!! KEEPS YOOS MOUFT SHUT WHEN BYSS HIMZ.

    MEBE WE HABES HIM OBER TO PLAY IN PITMUCK AND RELAX? ANDS ALLYOO CAN'T COMS

    OZOG AND PITMUCKERS
     
  7. Nyx_

    Nyx_ Guest

    Dear Zelda,

    I was contemplating your issue or the issue of Elvis and his nerve problems. I think he is suffering from being bitten by a jitterbug. He is showing all the signs of the virus like thinking individuals just want to eat him, being scared and nervous, biting his hooves, etc. I have to tell you there is a treatment for him although it is more of an intervention. He has to win a fight against another pig to regain his confidence and feel as if he can battle his own fights without having to hide behind you all the time.
    He needs to feel comfortable with his body and the names of his body parts like hamhocks! I suggest training :fight:and also stand him in front of a mirror and make him *squeal* I am pretty, I love my hamhocks.
     
  8. Ashlynn_L

    Ashlynn_L Lore Master
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    Lady Zelda,

    I can see why this matter has you so distraught. Afterall, poor Elvis is swine and I am sure we are all familiar with how good bacon tastes. And sausages. And pork chops. And gammon. And gammon and eggs. And bacon and sausage and egg sub. Errr....

    *ahem* But Elvis is a beloved pet and part of your family. What we need is a true animal talker. Perhaps a skilled swineherd with something of an ability to communicate with the animals in their charge. Maybe they use some strange object to do so, who knows. But the well being of a beloved pet such as Elvis, no matter how good he looks on a slice of bread, is worth saving.

    I wish you all the best in your endeavours!

    - Ashlynn
     
  9. Tatania Karthina

    Tatania Karthina Journeyman
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    Zelda,
    Have you tried feeding Elvis a BLT? That always makes me feel better!
     
  10. Lord Gareth

    Lord Gareth UO Content Editor | UO Chesapeake & Rares News
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    Perhaps all poor Elvis needs is some time with his birth mother....I have gone through my files and found that I have in fact had his mother living with me the whole time. I would be delighted and so ever happy to arrange a family reunion for him, to help heal his wounds .

    Just bring him on by and lets watch a family reunite
    :heart:



    [​IMG]




     
  11. Tatania Karthina

    Tatania Karthina Journeyman
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    oh goodness Gareth! I hope erm well... I got hungry last night and stopped by the BLT and made myself a sammich... erm... I hope I didn't use the wrong bacon... I mean nothing better than a BLT in the BLT
     
  12. Morpheus Mardox

    Morpheus Mardox UO Chesapeake News Manager
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    I too developed a nervous twitch, realized it was a sugar rush from too many ice cream cones in my diet. Perhaps the goblins been plumpin ol elvis up!
     
  13. georox

    georox Sage
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    I do believe some nice salty bacon could help that...
     
  14. QueenZen

    QueenZen Always Present
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    GAH !! Some of us live near Graceland in the rl spirit world and clicky on this thready like it all had something to do with our neighborhoods and our Elvis may he RIP. lol

    Anyhow, tell ye pet Elvis, he is a hunka hunka burning love
    and he can come stay with me in this area,
    and I will do me best to uplift his wounded ego, reduce his fat content
    and give him a grand tour of his *homeland* down here, at Graceland.
    Maybe ye pet Elvis needs to hug a lil gf in the jungle room in Graceland.
    Why I will even buy your Elvis some blue suede shoes and the CD bard song entitled 'Walkin in Memphis ' !

    Ya know where PORK & Elvis is KING and bbqs, pulled pork bbq samiches with slaw, and ummmmmmmmmmm nm this rl spirit world area which I live in, may cause ye Elvis to become even more, schitzophrenic !
     
  15. Zelda of Zed

    Zelda of Zed Guest

    Good Lord no dont need to make him any worse!!!!!

    Bacon lovers you out the door with ya!!!!!

    Friends of Elvis: Thank you so much for your suggestions and ideas. Im still talking to the Delucia Vet, and we are working on treatments for Elvis. However, since Elvis now seems terrified of the vets, this is going to be a long road with him.


    Z...
     
  16. Shelra

    Shelra Seasoned Veteran
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    (mm bacon!) I'm a friend of Elvis... I can be a Vet! Bring him to me! :D
     
  17. Nexus

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    Too bad neither TN, or TX are the king of BBQ.....

    [​IMG]

    Though I will give TN props for 2nd.
     
  18. MeganSmiles

    MeganSmiles Guest

    I agree. You need a "Swine Whisperer" to help poor Elvis overcome his fears.
     
  19. Jordy

    Jordy Sage
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    Perhaps I should bring Priscilla the pig back by for a visit!
     
  20. Talula

    Talula Guest

    Well my friend, your description of Elvis's symptoms doesn't sound like nerves to me. It sounds like Elvis has common allergies - oh so common this time of year! I recommend that you reduce the amount of corn in his diet. This means no more corn on the cob, no grits, no Doritos, and absolutely NO TENNESSEE WHISKEY.
     
  21. Zelda of Zed

    Zelda of Zed Guest

    Well... i did cut all of that stuff out.. cept the Doritos....those are mine.. and i aint giving them up...


    Z...
     
  22. QueenZen

    QueenZen Always Present
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    We shall see lil pitmuckean how ye may defend Zelda's lil buddy Bacon named Elvis, when ye find out what chef Denny is up to.

    Zelda ye should rapidly go buy Elvis, some hiding & stealthin skillz, ASAP.

    Back in olden days there was this long drawn out festival, held to honor Baccus or Bacchus spellin ? the Roman god of wines & drunkeness.
    That feast was called: Bacchanalia.

    I hear tell, there is a newbie Chef named Denny, whom carrying on that tradition, Baconalia, except with a twist, he is also using ICECREAMS.

    Denny is not using wines. NAY..........why even OZOG may be now enticed to um...............try this new ice cream sundae........with...maple bacons and ice creams.

    Be ye ever protective of ye lil buddy Elvis, Zelda, for even OZOG may um do him harm if he learns Chef Denny's secret syrupy goodness recipe for GASP....:eyes:
    :eyes: maple bacon sundae with ice creams and ... bacon !:eyes:

    [​IMG]
     
  23. QueenZen

    QueenZen Always Present
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    AHA !! See them lil wee goblins gonna try to figure out how to make Chef Denny's MAPLE BACON SUNDAES !! Mark my words lil Elvis is in big time trouble ifn now he can also become for some foul icecream addicts, an ice cream maple syrupy sundae !!:pancakes:
     
  24. Rivi

    Rivi Guest

    *puts the names of those who want to harm Elvis on a special list*


    I am returning soon, so all bacon lovers be on alert! :twak:

    Rivi
     
  25. Lord Gareth

    Lord Gareth UO Content Editor | UO Chesapeake & Rares News
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    *Alarm Sounds*

    Rivi Posting Alert! Thread Seven Post Twenty-Four
    Moderators Report to Thread Seven Post Twenty-Four
    Security Forum Commander Geo erect a Level 10 force field around that post!
    Force Field is in Place....No Effect! Rivi is Loose!
    *Post Explosion*
    Forum Commander Jamlyn Report!
    Were loosing Forum Structural Integrity!
    *Alarm Sounds*
    Forum Structural Collapse is Imminent!!!
    All Moderators Abandon Forums!
    *Alarm Sounds*
    All Moderators Abandon Forums!

    *BOOM*

    :flame:
     
  26. georox

    georox Sage
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    *borrows the flamethrower from Gareth*

    I'm ready. (FYI, it turns out flamethrowers are legal.. so HEY MICHIGAN PEOPLE! BBQ TIME! I think this home-made one is safe to use...)