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Drained

Discussion in 'UO Sonoma' started by Droma Ryn, Sep 4, 2001.

  1. Droma Ryn

    Droma Ryn Guest

    What do you all do when reality kicks in so hard that you just cant sit at the computer and play UO? Hell, even posting is a drag.

    [​IMG]

    Mykal S'nna- Archer/Bard
    Corran Horn- Fishin Magacian
    Droma Ryn- Bard/Tamer
    Lyluu- Fencer (Female with proper armor)
    Exar Kun- My lame attempt at a mule
     
  2. Reachwind

    Reachwind Guest

    Read a book, watch the boob toob or go out and people watch/shop at the mall.

    Read a book is my favorite. Just read Wizard's First Rule as a matter of fact... decent book.

    The end.
     
  3. Elrond

    Elrond Guest

    Play Serious Sam! Woot!

    Read a book. The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are really good. Join your school's cross country team. It'll make you look good to colleges, you'll stay in shape *and* you'll be able to eat even more than you used to!

    Sleep. Seriously. Sleeping cures everything.
     
  4. Guest

    Guest Guest

    This is pretty personal, but I have told alot of people. If it helps just one person, then it's worth the judgement I am sure I will get.

    I just declared bankruptcy last week, and I am 29. Ok? hehe I know what you are feeling. Like you are trapped. Like you cannot turn one way or the other. My father once told me "Control the things you can control and don't worry about the rest". I used to get so sick to my stomach. I hated myself. I wondered why I couldn't be as successful as my friends. I had a rough time.

    I realize now that poopy happens. Its the way it is. You will survive it. If UO seems to much for ya, watch a movie, write, do something. Or like they said below, sleep. You are gonna be fine. I mean look at me. Not even thirty and bankrupt. I'll survive, and I will never do the same stupid ass things with credit cards again.




    [​IMG]
     
  5. HONEY!!! SWEETS!!! Do I ever know what you are talking about!!! Me and the hubby took a BIG risk last year...we BOTH quit our jobs (his prob was being too young to join the "Old Boy's Club, mine was no pension and no security of position) and went back to school to finish an extra degree or two. We had a nest egg, student loans...but June has come and gone and we are STILL unemployed and used the very last of our overdraft to pay Sept. rent and car payment (only 6 months to go!). We are getting to the veeeery end of our rope, yet strangely enough...we are ok in mind and spirit. We still giggle and are not yet morbid about it, because there are ALWAYS options (you may not PREFER those options, like moving into parent's house, or going on welfare, etc.) but they are options none-the-less and GOD knows they are not PERMANENT- REMEMBER THAT.

    I have not played all day...worked on my teaching portfolio for my interview tomorrow (FINALLY), so cheer up luvie....if I land a job the day after school has actually started, it means miracles can happen. You have to take some risks in life, some better your life and some are simply one big "OOPS"

    Drunken Dragon Vendors...Dragonfart & Voluptuous
     
  6. Hehe---never could have guessed that you were a Tolkien fan or anything. I read the Hobbit for the first time about a month ago and am now almost completely through Fellowship. Wonderful books! I am completely thrilled with them and cannot believe that I waited this long to pick them up. In all honesty, reading them only makes me want to either read them more, or play UO. =) The movie looks to be excellent as well!

    LdyHawke-GM of MGD and Curator of the Magdalena Museum
     
  7. Droma, when I play UO two things happen that make it enjoyable.

    1. I interact with other people.
    2. I think about, meditate on, things that have real significance in my life. I may be making scrolls in the game but my mind is nowhere near there.

    If either of these two things were to stop, I wouldn't be around long I think.

    You may be searching for your joy in the wrong place.

    Hope this doesn't offend you or anyone else:

    All the things in this world, your stuff, your friends, your job, your pride, everything is temporary. Think on the things that are eternal which come from above not on that which is temporal. There you will find true joy and then you will be able to enjoy the little things in life like playing a game, reading a book, or being a friend.


    The House of Wisdom--where truth and knowledge become one.
     
  8. I agree with Elrond, read LOTR.
    Hmmm i had a feeling he liked those books lol
    Droma or like lissen to some good tunes or just take a walk.


    Woot! Glorious Lord!
    It wont help me get a G/F :(
     
  9. Raphalon

    Raphalon Guest

    Droma... one solution, get your ass on ICQ, so I know you're on. We'll go barding. I know exactly how you feel, cause, well, that's how I feel now. I've been like that for well over a month. I missed the deadline for classes, so I have to wait til next quarter... which is gunna suck to have to wait...

    *shrugs* ICQ me, if I'm home, I'll get together with ya.

    <center><font color=191970>I love the way you look at me.
    I love the way you smack my ass.

    -Puddle of Mudd, 'Control'

    [​IMG]</center>
     
  10. BedouinArS

    BedouinArS Guest

    Well my friend you are not alone in the world with problems. It is in how we deal with them that makes us who we are. I spoke to Ning yesterday briefly about your troubles and one thing I mentioned to him, and god willing this posts unlike last night, I have one question to pose to you.

    Q: How do you eat an elephant?
    A: One bite at a time

    Someone once told me this when I faced a multitude of problems in my life and it took me some time before I understood the meaning behind his words. As lifes problems pile up and threaten to overwhelm us, we begin to try to solve all things at one time. This way will only lead to stress and further depression. If you set your priorities and deal with your troubles according to those priorities one at a time then you will be able to work through them. You will find that the smaller issues will generally fix themselves while you are working on the problems that matter most. Also one other pearl of wisdom.

    You cannot see the forest from the trees

    When someone is dealing with issues in their life they are emotionally involved in those issues. Being emotionally close to the situation fogs your view as to how to solve them. You are a good father and have a brother that cares for you deeply as well as close friends willing to help you. Listen to their advice because they themselves have faced similiar problems in their lives and being a little set back from your troubles they will see the situations with a different view. Listen to their words and take them as they are meant. Do not get offended by what they say if you see it as being harsh for they see your situation with an outsiders view. Heed their words and their advice and if nothing else draw strength from their support. I have all the faith in you to find the strength in yourself to make it through your troubles and come out a stronger person for it. Your friend in spirit.

    Brian David Moore, the man behind the many faces of UO
     
  11. KitKat

    KitKat Guest

    When i'm not reading the fantasy books (dragonlance, forgotten realms, tolkien) and not at the shop, or running kids hither and yon (even the 20 and 22 year olds...who are both carless), you can find me curled up with the latest Tom Clancy book. Just finished it this past week, The Bear and The Dragon...another great one.

    Although I have been alternating between the original Baldur's Gate and Starcraft (BroodWars). Restarted BG cuz somehow I got myself hated all over the place and couldn't go anywhere. Am progressing quite nicely now.

    <font color=191970>The Five Sisters</font color=191970>
    <font color=8B0000>Rusty</font color=8B0000>/php-bin/shared/images/icons/takethat.gif-GM swords/parry/tactics
    <font color=27408B>Kit</font color=27408B>/php-bin/shared/images/icons/smash.gif-miner/smith
    <font color=FF8C00>Kat</font color=FF8C00>-archeress
    <font color=CDCD00>Lorilei</font color=CDCD00>-bard/tamer
    <font color=4682B4>Sandy</font color=4682B4>-craftswoman
     
  12. Maeko

    Maeko Guest

    OMG I LOVE SOT....ok with that out of the way(wait one more i cant wait for book 7 Pillars of Creation to come out), reading is a great way to get your mind off something. But for me the best thing to do is to cut grass, find someonewith a really big yard and cut grass, its the best time to just sit and think.

    Maeko-Bard/Mage
    Lain-Factions Punching Bag
    Omen Darkspyre-GM Tailoring
     
  13. Hrrm....when I need a break I put on my leather zip-up outfit and.....umm....wait...wrong type of relaxing. I just start reading one of my ravenloft books or campaigns. That usually gets my mind off UO.

    [​IMG]Look upon me...and despair!
     
  14. DemanKnght

    DemanKnght Guest

    How about getting off that lazy ass and cutting the lawn, oh wait the trailer park doesnt have a lawn for you to cut does it?? damn you'd think i was your wife. Bah go outside play with the kids, weather has been really nice plus the laborday weekend and all... Oh, still trying to get the third dawn disk to your brother for you. but long story and not very exciting.. Could always learn chinese.. hehe anyways... moving right along...

    MooneyFodder
    Sonoma
     
  15. BranWyn

    BranWyn Guest

    Go to a big town...stand on a corner of a busy intersection...and WATCH....
    ppl will make you laugh and think....they will make you realize that others have more problems than you...and you will see others and realize how much you have in your life that they do not.
    I usually go to Mulholland and look at the city from above...it puts things into perspective...small people small problems when you look at the bigger picture...
    that and change your desktop pic to one of the sun, or the moon or MARS...something that is so large when you look at it, it makes you realize how small your problems are...

    [​IMG]
    <a target="_blank" href=http://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/photo_gallery/photogallery-solar.html>Solar Pics</a>

    [​IMG]

    <a target="_blank" href=http://visibleearth.nasa.gov>Visible Earth</a>

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.space.com/php/multimedia/downloads/wallpapers/>Space Photos</a>

    Aine - Mage/Bard/Tamer [Rangers - Order of Tendai]
    Branwyn - T-Hunter [Treasure Hunters of Brittania]
    Cricket - Amazonian Warrior [Paladins - Order of Tendai]
    <font color=green>"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." Sun Tzu<font color=green>
    <P ID="edit"><FONT class="small">Edited by BranWyn on 09/06/01 12:22 AM.</FONT></P>
     
  16. Hmmm, don't know if that works for me Branwyn. Well, the watching people does. Sometimes. But I do love looking at the stars though. Always makes me feel terribly insignificant. And all the problems I have are pretty much just dust motes in the cosmic scheme of things.

    Did you know that the Milky Way Galaxy (which we are a part of) has approximately 100 Billion Stars? And we are an average sized galaxy. What really messes with my mind is that there are roughly 100 Billion Galaxies.

    Now if that doesn't make you feel insignificant, I'm not sure what will. Doesn't even matter if you beleive in God or anything. Just the sheer immensity of the Universe makes anything you do in life, or in UO for that matter, pretty much meaningless.



    Maelwyn

    <center>[​IMG]
    Maelwyn Mage and Dexer
    Beldas & Beldin Dwarven Brothers
    Erystelle Elvish Tamer
    Gruumsh One-Eye Orc guy
    </center>
     
  17. BranWyn

    BranWyn Guest

    EXACTLY Mael...which means that even President Bush is insignificant hehe :)Which is why you gotta take things in stride and make life what you want of it ...I tend to think that everything happens for a purpose...and problems are merely character building blocks and we eventually get through em ....and boy oh boy have I had to climb over some building blocks :)

    Aine - Mage/Bard/Tamer [Rangers - Order of Tendai]
    Branwyn - T-Hunter [Treasure Hunters of Brittania]
    Cricket - Amazonian Warrior [Paladins - Order of Tendai]
    <font color=green>"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." Sun Tzu<font color=green>
     
  18. Droma Ryn

    Droma Ryn Guest

    OK, I thank you all for your posts and I guess I can share alittle more with you.

    I am 29,married and have 2 kids. As Demon pointed out I live in a trailor, which I'm proud of. My children are wonderful and I wouldnt give them up for the world. Unfortunately my marriage is having major problems. Over the years I have developed this very "angry" attitude towards my wife. I have these fears of her not loving me and not wanting to be with me. These feelings have grown so strongly that I believe them more than anything else and they are causing huge fights. Time for TMI, before getting married my wife, then girlfriend, cheated on me. The last time we had gotten this bad we seperated and I moved out of state. After that she moved down to be with me again but her friends came to visit her and she cheated on me again. This time we were married and had gotten back together.
    Now, every girlfriend I've ever had has cheated on me. Then the one girl I have fallen in love with does as well. So I have a small problem trusting anyone anymore.
    I am attempting to work on these areas that I feel need the most attention. After all that has happened I find that i do not "love" my wife but I "am in love" with her, hope ya understood that. I have no desire to be with anyone else now or ever. Yet I cant bring myself to believe that she could love me, or want to be with me and me alone.
    I know this is the wrong place to be telling everyone my problems but, I NEVER see anyone else. You all are my friends. Outside of UO I have no one anymore. The few I did have all play UO now and I never see them. So you are it. You are my physics and my ears. There is no one else I can talk with. So I do this because I think of every last one of you as a friend and someone I can talk to when not doing so well. Hope I'm right.
    I don't blame my wife for all our problems. My mood swings are insane. Women have nothing on me even when its "that time of the month". I am unpredictable. I can be happy as a pig in Shyt 1 second and the very next I'm ready to punch a hole in the wall. And all I was doing was sitting and watching TV.
    I have decided to get help. If I can afford it. I tried in the past but it was WAY to costly!

    Well, I hope this wasnt the wrong thing of me to do but I have no one else to talk to about this. Yes I have been talking to the wife about this but sometimes ya need an outside voice to help with the voices in my head.

    Thanks for putting up with me,
    Michael Sanna

    [​IMG]

    Mykal S'nna- Archer/Bard
    Corran Horn- Fishin Magacian
    Droma Ryn- Bard/Tamer
    Lyluu- Fencer (Female with proper armor)
    Exar Kun- My lame attempt at a mule
     
  19. BranWyn

    BranWyn Guest

    Well good to know its something thats fixable :)

    I PM'd ya my recommendations ....

    Aine - Mage/Bard/Tamer [Rangers - Order of Tendai]
    Branwyn - T-Hunter [Treasure Hunters of Brittania]
    Cricket - Amazonian Warrior [Paladins - Order of Tendai]
    <font color=green>"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." Sun Tzu<font color=green>
     
  20. Well Mikey, being someone close to you, thusly close to the situation, you know my recommendation. Im not going to divulge any more information to those here, thats your business, not mine........but there are alot of things financially and such that also affect your decision and her and your behavior of late.

    Speaking candidly my dear friend.... She is a self serving *****. She cares little about you, the kids, or your financial situation as she has well proven. She has cheated on you and contributes basically nothing to you, your family, or your relationship. Good riddance to bad garbage.

    I think you have known this was coming for a LONG time, and you should be commended for fighting to keep your lives together for as long as you have. It has affected you so negatively, depressed you to the point of sickness, and damn man, you deserve SO much better.

    She has proven that she cant be trusted not to cheat on you, and once the trust is gone the relationship is dead. Period. I know from experience, we all know my wife wasnt very adept at keeping her pants on either (well, unless I wanted some and it was no all the time...lol).

    Michael, you and I have been friends for almost 10 years. If you had a phone Id call you, but if I have to tell you here I will. I love ya man, and will support you in any way I can, you know that. You are a good guy, a good father, and definately deserve SO SO SO much better than being betrayed, neglected, and disrespected constantly.

    Thats just my opinion. You know Im there for ya.


    Women just cant resist a man in a deathrobe
     
  21. It always amazes me how many many people shun medical help...my motto is, if it helps you out and calms ya down, go for it. You my friend sound like you got some degree of manic-depressive. I'll tell you now, to my medical understanding of it (I worked with manic depressives) it gets WORSE with age, so seek some help, some meds, something!

    I myself am considering medical help for my panic attacks. I never used to have them til about 4 years ago, and once you get them, well, you get them for life i'm told. Medical help will be the answer for me...most people go thru life seeking no help, and "cope" with it. why the hell should we I say.

    As for the "clingy" and mood-swings...well, how's your self esteem going? I can get in a funk (more often lately) about why my spouse is actually with me, does he still love me, etc. I really think it's because I have no other distractions (we moved to another city, I have nobody here except him and Sonoma boardies). I think I need to re-attach myself to former friends by way of letters, phone-calls. I also sit and talk it out with the hubby as well. As for the cheating thing...I got a girlfriend who seemed to attract "the cheating kind" and I honestly don't know why...she just did. You may need to break this off if it happens again, and give yourself some time off to grow and change your life in small ways, anything to break the cycle of attracting cheaters.

    Drunken Dragon Vendors...Dragonfart & Voluptuous
     
  22. Raphalon

    Raphalon Guest

    Sadly... not all of can AFFORD the skyrocket prices that come with seeking this 'help'. Given... theses doctors spend years and money for school and what not... but what the hell. *shrugs*

    I can feel your having no friends in a new town thing. I moved to Ohio last year to live with my g/f, and my step mom called me from there (people I hadn't talked to in years, and didn't really want to), I ended up moving to this town from there, with g/f. Well... my dad eventually pissed me off(I don't like being thrown through a door because you ask some drunk to not call your g/f dumb), and I moved out... it's been a year now, and I have 0 friends here, I don't know anyone, I avoid my dad's side of the family, and I spend my hours at home watching tv or playing on the computer. I WAS working a few months ago, but quit because my boss hated my dad's guts, and me being his son, I got horrible for it. I learned that most(if not all) factory workers aren't trustworthy, not to have them for friends, and they generally will talk behind your back. Things I don't like. I'm not one to work jobs. I've worked at McD's twice(different ones), and a few other jobs. They aren't for me. I get mad, I don't put up with manager's crap, and I generally end up quitting, or making them fire me. I get from my mom, and now my g/f, about a job. I'm depressed because I have no friends I can sit and talk to, I think about leaving my g/f and going back to my mom's place(I have ONE friend there... I miss that , hilarious). I miss my home town of Jesup, GA.

    Hm... well while I'm going on...

    My senior year of HS in Jesup, my mom decides she wants to move. Three months into the year, I move to Tonopah, NV. Tonopah... is in the middle of no where. They have dialup, one company(new company now that limits everyone's access to 150 hours a month for 24 bucks), and most of the people are old, dead beats, stoners, or prick ass rednecks. I personally hate snobby people with a passion, I don't like being looked down upon. So... most of my 'friends' in NV ended up being stoners(for some reason, they don't judge people as harsh). I personally don't do drugs, and have only drank a few times(started in NV!). *shrugs* So, I move to Ohio... I regret not being able to find a place to stay when I was in GA. I wish I could have found a place to stay and finish up school.

    So, my life is full of crap, and I want to be in college. I went to ITT in Las Vegas for a quarter, me and friend had to leave. We couldn't handle the hours, and I ended up walking home after a class one night... 3 miles down a highway. Not fun. I'm a big guy(not REALLY big now), and so I didn't get with, but I still don't like having to walk that far in the middle of the night... I got home about 3 hours later. Hungry and thirsty, and generally pissed out of my mind. But...

    Ok. I've rambled enough. Droma, we need to go barding or something... die a few jesterly times.

    Oh, yeah... that reminds me. My week has brightened up. I'm a Jester now.

    I hope Dor and the rest of the Race fans last night were amused. I tried to hold an auction for a date with Krysma, no one even bid... ah well.

    Off I go to edit my WNH pics.

    <center><font color=191970>I love the way you look at me.
    I love the way you smack my ass.

    -Puddle of Mudd, 'Control'

    [​IMG]</center>
     
  23. Vidi

    Vidi Guest

    Bro we have Qed each other about this and you KNOW you can talk to me

    You just dont like what I have to say on the subject because it means doing the hardest thing youll ever have to do

    But you know Im there for you

    Thats all Im gonna say on a public forum


    [​IMG]
    Vidi- Pure Warrior
    Darwin- Tamer Bard Mage ( you hate me )
    Thraxas- Mule extrordinaire
    Lui- Scribe Alchemist Fisherman
    Daevyd S'nna-Archer/Mage

    <a target="_blank" href=http://shadowpriests.8m.net> Shadow Priest homepage</a>
     
  24. Faun I have to disagree with you on the medication thing. At least to a certain point that is. I understand that some people do need medication. But I think in Droma's case it's not a solution. He has a situation with his wife that needs to be solved one way or another. To take medication to solve his feelings isn't a solution. It's a bandaid. While the wound festers and turns gangrenous. I think it's much more healthy to solve your problems than to just ignore them. I'm sure Dromas self is totally shot to hell. I can't imagine my wife cheating on me and not feeling that your not worth much. The one person that you should be able to trust in betraying you isn't good for your self image.

    Droma I really think you need to get some counseling. Hopefully to save your marriage/family. Have you tried other avenues for getting help? There has to be less expensive ways that you can pursue. Possibly a minister or priest? Maybe they can refer you? Just trying to come up with ideas.



    Maelwyn

    <center>[​IMG]
    Maelwyn Mage and Dexer
    Beldas & Beldin Dwarven Brothers
    Erystelle Elvish Tamer
    Gruumsh One-Eye Orc guy
    </center>
     
  25. BranWyn

    BranWyn Guest

    BOOKS....a simple, cost effective psychiatrist in a box...(so to speak)
    Dont like what one says? Get another book :)

    I have read books for my foreign friends and translated it into something they could understand...They have told me that their Psychiatrists have told them that I have been RIGHT on issues and most of the stuff came from books....

    I once read that humans should marry someone new every 10 years of their life...because each part of our life is so different its hard for 2 ppl to take the same path tegether...wish I could find it ...



    Aine - Mage/Bard/Tamer [Rangers - Order of Tendai]
    Branwyn - T-Hunter [Treasure Hunters of Brittania]
    Cricket - Amazonian Warrior [Paladins - Order of Tendai]
    <font color=green>"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." Sun Tzu<font color=green>
     
  26. BedouinArS

    BedouinArS Guest

    The first step to solving a problem my friend is realizing there is a problem to begin with. I know that Vidi isyour brother, Ning is his roommate and your friend and lastly DK is a close real life friend (a little misguided but still a friend - j/k). Speaking to both Vidi and Ning I knew of your family situation. I applaud you for realizing the problem in your life, expressing it as you have is theraputical (though rather out in the open in a public forum). Several things that you mentioned have brought a few recommendations to mind.

    1. From what you have said about your wife's past performance, as well as other relationships, only brings up that you are chosing the wrong type of woman. That is nothing to be ashamed of or upset about. Believe me I know about picking the wrong woman, Ive been there before and learned hard lessons because of it. One thing I have learned in chosing those women is a flaw I used to have that I feel you have the same trait. You cannot change a person or their habits. Knowing this trait and naming it the "White Knight" syndrome it sounds to me like you are a prime candidate. When you come across a woman or relationship you have to look deep into that person, their background, their family life, their social circle etc. If you see something that is unstable (divorce, drug use etc) my recomendation is RUN!!!! Flee for your life and do not look back. You will not be able to bring them up to a level of stability but instead be lowered to their level. Once lowered to their level you will find your moods will swing and you will suffer terribly from insecurities.

    2. You cannot make someone love you. Either they do or they do not. Bending yourself to their wishes will not make them love you and will only cause insecurities in yourself. If someone shows a perpensity of cheating and infidelity, that is not your fault, it is theirs and part of their nature. Nothing you can do will change that and it should not be a reflection upon yourself but viewed as a character flaw within them.

    3. There is no such thing as "in love with someone". Having strong emotions for someone is natural. Suffering from the syndrome mentioned above, you will feel that you "are in love" with that person. Instead you are wishing to make their life better and that is something no one can do but themselves. Trying to do so will only bring you further into trouble and depression.

    With all that in mind my final recommendation is that you get a divorce and start your life anew. You are a good father, caring deeply for the well being of your children as a good father does. There is no shame in not being able to make this marriage work for alas I am afraid it was doomed from the start. Her past actions are proof of her lack of character and self serving nature. Best to cut the ties and move on. Find a way to improve yourself and the lives of your children. Whether that means taking assisstance to go back to school, vocational programs or whatever it takes. I will not blind you to the truth, this will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your entire life. It will not be easy and you will trip and stumble along the way. Things will look bleak and depression might way heavily upon you. But you forget the one thing that will carry you through all of the hard times ahead. Something that no one can put a price on and is the most valuable thing anyone can have. Your brother and your friends. They love and care for you and want only the best for you. They will be there to support and assist you in any way they know how. There is no shame in asking for help from those around you and the strides you make that better yourself will only show those that love you how sincere you are to making life better. That is all the reward anyone that cares for you ever needs, to see you be happy in life and as successful as you wish to be.

    In this game you have mentioned before that I give so much and do things to help others without asking for things in return. I do get something from helping out others, both ingame and out of the game. That is the feeling of doing right by others and knowing that in some small way I might have made someones life a little brighter. I hope that you find the strength you have within to make the changes necessary. I hope you look to those that know and care for you for advice and assisstance. With the support I have heard from those around you I cannot see where you will not succeed.

    My best wishes in the lands of Sosaria and the lands of harsh reality

    Brian David Moore
     
  27. Don't worry, honestly it cannot get much worse.

    Most of us have been where you are now - no, not the same circumstances, but for sure the same panic'd, drowning, nothing will ever be alright ever never again feeling.

    :) Just remember - Breath.

    I'm a single mother. The father dumped me abruptly when he found out. I was 21, and working as a minimum wage waitress. I did try for child support, but it was before they really followed up on it *32 now*, so it fell through the cracks. I took welfare for a year to stay home with and introduce myself to my baby. Then I moved to Idaho and got a lovely job for 2.95 an hour and lived in a mobile home *freezer chest*. When my child turned 5 I took a chance and was actually hired for something not dealing with food. I also started taking collage courses. :)
    As stated earlier I'm 32, still degreeless *about 12 credits short*, but have a wonderful job, and a wonderful kid. The road travelled from there to here has been a bumpy one, esp when the father got married a month later and was proudly announcing he was going to be a daddy (of her child) to all of his/my friends. How does one survive the hurt that seems unsurvivable? My particular escapes/therapy was driving and singing along with the radio at the top of my lungs replacing any lovey words with well placed horrendous swear words, and reading psycho murderer mysteries. For some reason they always cheered me up as others are doing worse - and damn if some of my songs didn't in the end crack me up. I'd be singing earnestly about f*ckwits in an elevator *early 90's Aerosmith* and it would just get to me... :) There is no blueprint, different things work for different people, and I truely don't know how to tell you how to distance yourself... maybe try and picture it 10 years in the future?

    [​IMG]
     
  28. Raphalon

    Raphalon Guest

    I love you Kat. *smiles*

    <center><font color=191970>I love the way you look at me.
    I love the way you smack my ass.

    -Puddle of Mudd, 'Control'

    [​IMG]</center>
     
  29. "Love is alive when it is secure
    Love is dying when it doubts
    Love is dead when it can no longer trust"
     
  30. *Draven*

    *Draven* Guest

    Preach on, Brian. I couldn't agree with what you said more.

    - Sonoma -

    Lord Draven - Bard/Mage
    Yvonne - Keeping SL/CoM supplied with loot since 1902
    Fletch - No-skill gimp lumberjack
    Magog - Trap removing nuisance
    Monk - Black Guard, B^G
     
  31. Vidi

    Vidi Guest

    Bed

    that is absolutely the best advice I have ever heard

    Thank you for posting it



    [​IMG]
    Vidi- Pure Warrior
    Darwin- Tamer Bard Mage ( you hate me )
    Thraxas- Mule extrordinaire
    Lui- Scribe Alchemist Fisherman
    Daevyd S'nna-Archer/Mage

    <a target="_blank" href=http://shadowpriests.8m.net> Shadow Priest homepage</a>
     
  32. DemanKnght

    DemanKnght Guest

    Here Here.. I know your pain, I myself am a singlefather fighting to make sure my kids turn out right.. Bust my hump pay my child support get screwed every which way cause I am male, I havent given up at all.. it gets tiresome but my Mother of all people will not let me faulter, Just ask Ning and Vidi, close to everything I do for my kids. Ning has known me for quite some time and seen the stupid crap I have had to put up with, Court appearance after court appearance. Piece by peice I fight to gain equal ground and nothing more. for the last six years I have gon and helped out one day a week for each child as they have gone through preschool and school. In fact this year my oldest started second grade and they told me they werent going to need me one day a week, just every so often. I was devastaed at first then started giggling, more time for UO.. Hey Mikey, trust me walking away isnt bad, sometimes taking your licks and moving on is best, nothing is bleak, trust me, you have lots of freinds and family around to give a helping hand, trust me its never to bleak. Priam had his troubles, but he stopped payed the price and righted his ship. Just need to prioritize your needs vs your wants. Hey trust me, unlike your brother's freestyling life you gotta give a little and take a little. I have seen quite a few people break up a relationship over some of the most Trivial things.. Hell I got dumped and thrown out cause when it came time to step up and be the father for my second kid the current girlfriend couldnt handle it.. was a big mess, just ask ning. Just take a deep breath and focus on where you want to be. Man this is just a game, in time it will be replaced with something else. As much as I like playing it does get boring, I have noth kids off to school all day now and have six whooping hours of free time, I totally feel lost. I tried playing at first but know that I have gmed carp, kinda feeling that there isnt anything left to do. But I know I want to gm taming so in a fw weeks I'll get the urge again, till then I bop around saying hi to people, help out those in need buy Ning's regs, just little things to waste time. Hey jsut stop sand take a moment and look at where ya want to go in life, it aint rush rush trust me. And if needbe I do have an attorny that I can recommend I used him and he was real good at explaining what all the things mean and what I could do. Trust me being the male sucks in this whole deal. You have to work twice as hard, but I can understand I have seen some really lazy a$$ fathers out there that make me sick. I refuse to be that way, my kids are the best things in my life and I make sure they know it.. But Like I said, man mikey look at the people around, you a lot more freinds than you realize...

    MooneyFodder
    Sonoma
     
  33. DemanKnght

    DemanKnght Guest

    Misguided?? hello??? Now what did I do wrong?? hehe.... But yeah bed says it very nicely.

    MooneyFodder
    Sonoma
     
  34. Jade of Sonoma

    Jade of Sonoma Babbling Loonie
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

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    Droma Ryn!! How profound a 'cry for help' in a simple short message can be!! Wish answers could be as brief! ..

    Please read this Droma Ryn, even if it is too lengthy and philosophical.:) I seriously wish this will help you -- and others. It might take your mind off the stress for a moment and give you (and everyone else) a laugh! At least, it is a response from an imperfect being, along with everyone else's, letting you know that you aren't being ignored..that someone cares! *hug*

    Unfortunately, no one, not even relatives & friends, can step into your shoes and see 'ALL" there is to see, thus can only guess and make suggestions about things in which they have no deep inside knowledge. Professional help is the answer, IF you can afford it. A professional Psychiatrist can prescribe medication to control mood swings, while the other, a Psychologist, can analyse and unearth underlaying factors in a problem. Some medications have side-effects you don't want to live with either .. so you need to educate & protect yourself. The cost of seeing those professions can be astronomical if you're not covered by a medical plan that allows your Physician to refer you to these experts for treatment.

    The best HELP comes from YOU educating yourself and you NEED to care enough about yourself to do this. Talk to your physician about treatment for mood swings. He can prescribe medications that help but since he won't know all there is to know either, learn about those medications from Organizations dealing with Mood Swings. Find 'HELP Organizations' in real life and search the internet for MARITAL PROBLEMS & for MOOD SWING connections: international FORUMS in Health/Hospital/University/private where you can talk candidly & freely with both Professionals & EXPERIENCED PEOPLE who will educate & support you!! You can afford that. You already have a computer and know how to use it!! ...and the world is full of caring people ready to share their knowlege to help you.

    I am impressed that you are thinking of seeking professional help and that you recognized the 'mood swings'. They could be playing a major part in the problems you are having. I don't know. Could be your wife has her own set of problems and deals with them by seeking the wrong type of help. She may need help too. It may not be a problem of her not loving you that leaves you feeling so insecure about her love. It could be she can't deal with your problem or is too busy with the children. *Guessing* If you do have a problem with mood swings, it would certainly help your wife if she understood them and could support you. (Oh what tangled webs we mortals .....)

    Coming and posting here took bravery & was a great idea!! Jeepers, at 29 I didn't know spit compared to you!! You must be extremely intelligent to be so aware! Try a web serach for MOOD SWINGS and talk to more people, especially those undergoing the mood swings and caretakers dealing with husbands & wives & children suffering this ailment. Such a "hidden" misunderstood problem can go unexplained for a lifetime, wrecking the lives of yours and others around you.

    I hope something I say in this long mess will help you. I love the people here who were so concerned they answered your message intelligently, for they all show that they want to support you and "care"!!! We are all learning and care. You are learning. Is your wife learning? Life is a learning experience.

    Most marital problems are caused by financial difficulties! No one first looks for a hidden imperfection, inherited or otherwise, in themselves. Usually problems erupt when there is a lack of understanding of one's self, lack of partner's understanding of your problems and lack of her/his own self-understanding, along with poor communications between partners due to those misunderstandings.

    Life is so full of strife. Understanding yourself is the first step. Understanding your wife and getting her to understand herself & you, is perhaps the next step. No matter what, understanding life & staying in focus, is important!! Communicating with people & learning, gets you back into focus. We are all in the same 'life' boat.

    Heck we are all born without full knowlege of life! Without knowing everything, how can can anyone understand & solve problems? The more I learn, the less I know, but at least I have come to understand that:

    'All of us will always have our own imperfections. All of us will always know very little despite how much we learn. One life time won't be long enough to learn and know all. We try do our best and if circumstances allow, we can seek help from those with more experience, from Books of knowlege/History and seek continuing education along with life experiences, all of which are so valuable to living mankind. In leiu of this or along with it, we seek entertainment to distract ourselves from pain and stress.

    My son helped me buy a computer, and started me in this game when I was ordered to sit quietly and not lift anything nor bend over, after eye surgery. Being an active person that was impossible. A retina scare put me in focus. During the six months of inactivity sitting in a chair in front of a poor lagging computer with poor connections, I became a good hostess and was hired to run my own forum called "Wordy's World" where 'Laughter is the best medicine" in Sympatico's Canada Health forums, where everyone in my web site was experienced & helping others dealing with crisis. Caretakers, Depressions & Mood Swings were dominate! (you can see why I got the name "wordy bird" from this response.) I also became a depressed victim of Pk in UO until I got a better computer & adsl connections in 2001! (eek..out of the frying pan into the fire. Oh woe is the fate of poor mankind stumbling into pitfalls of life!)

    I eventually dropped my role of Hostess as I became more & more addicted to UO where I was finding so many people, including myself, using UO as an escape from real life and their "pain" for a short time -- only to discover they'd become addicted to uo which added an new problem to their problems, which was not any help in finding answers to deal with RL problems. I am still in UO 'laughs' because I think UO helps keep my sanity and has done so over the years during extreme stressful times. Now I am not so sure about that! I agree reading of books can have a benificial effect & that UO's routinely of repeat things like skill gains or making products in macro-attendence while watching tv keeps you occupied while thinking things out, (as so appropriately put in another message appearing above in this forum). Yet I know that UO can also become a depressing addiction. UO was never just a game. It is full of People with problems. Behind every character is a real person with problems and I respect that person. I just wish UO management would realize this and take steps to improve the idealism in this game..and not hand out numerous rewards that encourage looters, pk & weirdos.

    My poor husband not only had to deal with his mood swings, but he had to cope with a wife who backed away & didn't understand him. He starts off in the morning feeling wonderfully happy and deteriorates into confusion by nightfall. I have had to endure those mood swings for years, alone and in the dark, and was kept too busy raising our three children to have time to worry about his problems. I had my Art & music to keep myself sane, and enough problems trying to understand asthmatic issues & alergies in the children, which took priority. I tended to ignor my husband's needs and regret this now. If I had understood more, I would have been able to help him and reassure him that I love him. I would venture that your wife could be having similar problems coping, not only with problems of her own, but is unable to understand your problems. This could be what makes her reach out elsewhere for comfort. You receive the vibes from her that cause you to feel insecure & worried. Perhaps when BOTH of you can recognize and understand problems, it will become a fight that BOTH of you get involved withl Perhaps she still loves you, but something has got 'out of hand'.

    Consider that NONE of us are perfect and some of us are afflicted with hidden problems that can take a life time of learning to understand. If your partner has problems and can't understand yours, then there is chaos. Working together to understand each other and caring about each other, brings answers and rewards that are astronomical.

    I wish you luck and know you are on the right track. I admire you for posting here and seeking help. There really are people who want to help and care!!!
    *hug*

    *by the way, it might have come way too late. but my husband & I are happily ok! Fortunately we were always both loyal to each other & took the vows "for better or worse" seriously. Professional help & understanding has made us a team again!! Our only problem now is my addiction to UO and my past experinencing being raised in a family where the father was an alcoholic. Thanks to my husband understanding my 'night owl syndrome', instead of me caretaking him, he is caretaking me, temporarily I hope. He is giving me well deserved 'time off: but now it is time for me to 'move on', to get some control over this latest problem!!! What a life this is !! (laugh) * I do so love UO but it is run by inexperienced children who care not what they do to mankind as long as it is lucrative for them. *Fortunately, there are enough people who care who eventually manage to FIX each occuring problem in time temporarily, as it rears its ugly head !*

    Patience please: still editing my edits!
    Jade of Sonoma, guild OWL (hopefully) = One Wise Lady
    Supplying Special:
    One Thousand Diamonds - Collectible Wedding Jewelry Sets
    with blessed rings
    at the tower of Ice Staffs
    adding true meaning to a wedding gift for the bride.
    Droma Ryn- you get one set free. :)
    --still wondering where her felluca tower, The Flying Fortress, flew off to...

    YIKES!! Past 2 am (correction: 3:27 am) here already & I planned to make those Colllectible Wedding Sets. Even Forums become addicting!!! ROFL
    <P ID="edit"><FONT class="small">Edited by Jade of Sonoma on 09/07/01 09:13 AM.</FONT></P>
     
  35. Droma Ryn

    Droma Ryn Guest

    Well thank you all for the responses to my problem. I was hoping I didn't overstep the boundaries here and upset anyone.

    I have read each and every post. If I didnt read them all then posting was a waste of my time. You all have given good advice and I hope I can follow up on some of them.

    I have been to both typs of shrinks before. One put me on Prozac and it did help my mood swings. It put me to sleep. No more mood swings. The other one diagnosed me with manic depression. I also have ann over active "happy guy" drive. Well at $300.00 per visit per shrink I couldnt go anymore.

    now I am looking for help through work. Apparently I can get some type of help there. So I will be doing that next week on Monday.

    I told my wiofe I wanted a divorce if this is how things are going to be and honestly since I posted here she has "tried" talking with me. Seeing as how I want to be with her I am taking this as a good sign. But with my mood swings its hard for me to be ok with anything. I also wake up normally in a great mood but by the time I get home I'm wondering what has happened while I was away.

    Just being able to share this and get it out is helping me to a certain degree. So once again I say thank you all for allowing me to share sch personal information about myself in such a public forum. And also thank you for showing such concern and compassion.

    [​IMG]

    Mykal S'nna- Archer/Bard
    Corran Horn- Fishin Magacian
    Droma Ryn- Bard/Tamer
    Lyluu- Fencer (Female with proper armor)
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  36. Jade of Sonoma

    Jade of Sonoma Babbling Loonie
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    A word of encouragement, especially for your wife. After we understood the "mood swings" and depression .. my husband and I grew closer together than ever. We communicated, and not on a one way street. The best part was finally being able to understand, and him knowing that I understood, that I accept him as is. It is now considered another "our" problem, not just his. Trusting each other! We worked together at understanding and finding solutions. The mood swings and problems grew less over time through understanding and not through medications. Medications got him over the hump but we discontinued them, replacing them with natural healthy things like good diet, exercise, fresh air, sleep, good books, hobbies, work, friends etc.and having fun, poking fun at each other. No one is perfect...not even me:) We know his doctor & the medications are there when and if we need help. It sounds like you need help badly. I feel your pain & I am glad you posted here. Who cares, as long as it has helped you!

    Medications aren't a permanent solution. I wonder what really causes it .. air polution, stress.....grrrr What CAUSES it??

    Hey.. our children benifited! They learned to accept imperfections in themselves and others, and they love their dad.

    re-editited

    <P ID="edit"><FONT class="small">Edited by Jade of Sonoma on 09/07/01 10:36 AM.</FONT></P>
     
  37. depression/bipolar disorder are cause by mainly one of two things:
    1.) An actual chemical imbalance in your brain, over which you have no control and can only be regulated by medication.. (this is clinical depression).
    2.)emotions, stress, over working yourself.... in which case you should see a couselor/shrink

    I myself am clinically bipolar.. it started when i was 9, and generally i blamed myself or thought there was just something wrong with me..
    well when i was 15 i took a really good psych class my freshman year of college, and discovered there really was something wrong with me!... but it wasn't my fault...
    i went and talked with my psych prof for a good amount of time and he concurred that it was highly likely that i was clinical...
    now, i never sought help because i'm not 18 yet and my mom doesn't believe in that stuff.. but just knowing that its not my fault and its out of my control has helped so much over the past couple years.
    I am able to often calm myself down now, or simply back away from everyone when i notice it coming on...
    No, this doesn't mean i don't have problems anymore.. sometime i'll go to a class and be happy and friendly, and coming back i'll feel like crying or just smacking everyone around me..
    just realize there is hope to deal with this, life can be better...
     
  38. Jade of Sonoma

    Jade of Sonoma Babbling Loonie
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

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    Right on, Mighty Charis!! It isn't your fault. You said it all! Thanks for stepping in and setting things straight! Your message helps everyone, who reads this, to understand.

    I hope you & your wife & children know this already, Droma Ryn! It's not your fault!

    That is what my husband couldn't understand so couldn't find acceptance. He was always up tight & forced to be on guard, stressed-out & isolated. For years, I didn't know enough to understand that and he couldn't explain it to me. He suffered alone in silence, always on guard & defensive. To combat, he drove himself hard, became a workaholic Forest Engineer taking jobs all over the world, chosing outdoor isolated conditions where he was in charge of new undeveloped territories that required project layouts & surveys. As a marathon jogger he was inadvertantly using up negative energy. What a relief it was to put a name to the problem, to deal with it as you would any other affliction & to know it is not his fault. I wish he could have learned at a young age what you know! *smiles*



    ..now to get busy and make those diamond sets. How do I get a set to you, Droma Ryn? Do you want one, Mighty Charis?

    <P ID="edit"><FONT class="small">Edited by Jade of Sonoma on 09/07/01 01:10 PM.</FONT></P>
     
  39. Droma, I was in the same situation...and your friends are right--it's the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with in this lifetime, with few exceptions.

    What finally galvanized me into action was the kids...I did it for the kids. When you consider the fact that children only have ONE childhood, and they are using up that childhood by living it RIGHT NOW...well...you cannot let such a situation be their everyday life. You just can't. Period.

    I was so miserable...so very, extremely miserable. Terminally depressed, I felt like a ghost...translucent, my self-esteem was so shattered. But hey! I am a tough lass, so I stayed on and suffered and endured, unwilling to sacrifice a family by breaking it up, taking the children, and starting a new life. Until I finally realized that I WAS sacrificing the family, merely by enabling such an untenable situation to continue, day after day, week after week, year after year....that was the environment my children were growing up in! GAAAAAH! They had no real access to either parent, as their mama was a Ghost and their daddy was...entertaining elsewhere. It was so patently unfair to them, to hear the constant murmured arguements behind closed doors and endure the chilled atmosphere as Daddy went out yet again...I did not want them growing up thinking their Dad was an ass, so I kept it all from them. You cannot really do that, though. Children are very perceptive, and soak up a psychic atmosphere like little sponges. It colors their days. It invades their dreams. It DESTROYS childhood.

    So, I finally bit the bullet and moved 50 miles away, with the kids. I did not speak badly of their father to them, and drove them to see him a couple of times a week. But still...it was so freaking hard. I think I cried (when the kids weren't around to hear it) for about two solid years, or maybe it was three...a long, long time. Forever, it seemed.

    But! It was truly the best thing I ever did, albeit the hardest. The kids blossomed, once free of the miasma that had been their daily fare. They grew wings and smiled! And laughed! They became full of joy. Killing myself trying to support them was worth it, and still is.

    Basically, it boils down to the kids. They have no choices. You two are adults. You DO have choices. Choose for the children, and choose for them now. Their innocent days are brief enough...let them be filled with laughter, rather than grief.

    P.S. And now, at long last, he and I are good friends. And now, at long last, we can remain so. (Just took a few years :)

    ~Dor

    [​IMG]

    <font color=blue>The Lone Ranger</font color=blue>
    <font color=purple>Guildmaster,</font color=purple><font color=red>Sonoma War Games</font color=red>
     
  40. Droma Ryn

    Droma Ryn Guest

    this is just to let you all know that I have talked with my wife and we are attempting to wrok it all out now. She is listening to me now better than she ever has. And to make things better she is responding to things I say and ask. We have had 2 good days( I know don't get all excited) and we are looking forward to this weekend. She is going to a get together at a friends( I have met these people and some are ok) Saturday night so I will be in game for the most part. Sunday we are hoping to spend some time together. I am not going to watch football for the first time in years. I am determined to not only save my mind but to do "my" best to save my marriage. I am still looking into getting help for my mood swings and my temper, which I get from my mood swings.

    You all have been very helpful and extremly kind in your efforts to educate me on the things I can do and look for to find the help I desperately need. You have shown me there are people out there that you never need to meet to feel a bond with.

    Ning I never ment to slight you or any of our friends here in wisconsin. You above all the others have always been there for me in my times of need. You have been a wall to protect me from the harshest weather my dear friend.

    Vidi I know I can call you but sometimes I need the words from someone not as biased as you. You have always been someone I could tlak with but alas, you are my brother and I know what you think of my wife. I also know that you like her and wish us the best but you wish ME the best more. Therefore I needed input from others not so close to the problems. And I thank you for your words of support as well, all in ICQ.

    once again, thank you all.

    Michael Sanna

    [​IMG]

    Mykal S'nna- Archer/Bard
    Corran Horn- Fishin Magacian
    Droma Ryn- Bard/Tamer
    Lyluu- Fencer (Female with proper armor)
    Exar Kun- My lame attempt at a mule