Note: Back in the day I can recall my commander grinning at me after I had finished some really difficult assignment. He told me "I knew if I told you that no one could do that alone that you would figure out a way just out of spite." Yeah. I never have been good with 'don't do that." SIGH Scene One: Fade in as usual. No Octavius. (Where is that guy!!!) After Episode Three, Maddwg decides that DragonSnack deserves a respite and takes him to the stables and acquires a second mount, trusty old DirtNap. Having an invite from the people he has been dieing err hunting with to go on a peerless hunt, Maddwg decides to get the quests so that he may enter the areas for these adventures. He stops to speak with Sarakki the Notary and getting the quest decides to check this "Citadel" out (despite a warning from a friend to not go there alone). Through the Moongate to Isamu-Jima our hero dashes. He avoids the more powerful denizens on the way to the Citadel entrance and arrives unscathed. He makes his way inside, finds the switch and secret door without any difficulty. Appearing in some sort of dungeon he makes his way up some stairs that dead-end so he seeks and finds the next secret door. He enters a small area consisting of two small rooms. In the second room is a welcoming committee of four Black Order Assassins. They rushed to greet Maddwg with closed fists holding sharp things. Maddwg quicky decides that picking one and hitting on that target until Maddwgs health got low and then stepping back through the secret door to heal was the tactic to use. That worked not so well. On his thrid or fourth rush for the door, he missed. Poor DirtNap lived up to his name remarkably fast! Maddwg made his way to the healer for a rez and ran back toward the Citadel. Along the way he passed too near a restless Hiryu, oo OO oo. After another rez, Maddwg made it back to the Citadel and hoped to race through the door, grab his stuff and run out. Too bad for him that two assassins had different ideas, oo OO oo. Another race to the healer and back and trying the same thing suprisingly had the exact same results. Go figure! Time for something different! After yet another rez, Maddwg recalled home and regears with equipment almost as good as the garbage he was wearing and makes the trek back to the Citadel, avoiding everything. He makes his way trough the secret doors and is able to grab the gear from his remains and dash out. Whew, he thinks. Whistling a tune he heads for the exit only to be stopped by two more assassins. Unforunatly for the residents of the Citadel, our hero was equiped with a Fey Swatter that he had picked up at the house. Though slow, he usually caused damage to both villains on each hit and was able to give both assassins a headache. Hmm, not bad loot off of those. So our intrepid hero walks around some more and triggers four more assassins (at least one tossing that evil magic at him). Oops. Exit stage left! On the way out the door, two more assasins pop out but our hero rudely brushes away their welcoming arms and makes it out! WHEE! (Whee is Maddwg for "Damn I die a lot here!") Lesson One: When an experienced player says "don't go there alone", listen!!!! Lesson Two: Running past a hiryu, naked and freshly rezzed is a bad idea. Lesson Three: If it was a bad idea the first time then it is probably still a bad idea. Scene Two: Opens with Maddwg (and a newly acquired second DirtNap) being accompanied to where he can find Unicorns and Ki-rins (umm, one of my favorite beers!). After watching Maddwg kill a unicorn (no rib) and being reassured that Maddwg could do this alone, Maddwg proceeded to get killed by a unicorn. Thankfully his guide was still there and rezzed him. Scene ends due to RL issues with Maddwg promising to bring help when he came back. The liar. Scene Two reopens at the same place: We see Maddwg alone as his son (Light Blade/Auron/Dagoth) decide not to tag along. Maddwg spies a unicorn and gets killed so fast that even DirtNap snickers. A quick stroll around this island in ghost form makes Maddwg realize that he was truly owned as there are no healers here. A brief inquiry for assistance and Maddwg;s other son, Sepiroth, arrives to rez our hero and does not even laugh. (Though I swear I heard chuckling from his room afterward, at 17 he is too smart to actually laugh in my face.) After getting the rez Maddwg made his way back to a snearing DirtNap, gathered his gear and dispatched his killer. He then tracked down and killed five or six kirins to acquire what he needed. The pixie legs were much easier to obtain (and not too bad with BBQ sauce). With all his items he returned to get his ticket to Bedlam. Woohoo and whee. But wait, Auron calls for help. It appears he had gone to Bedlam alone (like father like son!!!). Sep and Maddwg race to Bedlam and assist Auron in retrieving his gear. Sep makes a nude dash on horseback through Bedlam and Dad gets his own chuckle! HAR! What goes around comes around. Scene Three opens in Nujel'm square with a large group heading to Bedlam. Maddwg, Sepiroth and Auron are allowed to go. Maddwg quickly realizes that Bedlam is a name well suited to this place. He kills a few weaker creatures and helps take out a lich lord when out steps this big red cow. "Hmm, where's the beef!" Maddwg shouts shortly before he says oo OO oo. Red Death equals Very Rapid Demise to Maddwg. DirtNap doesn't even have time to laugh. Maddwg gets rezed and reenters the fight and things go well until yet another Red Death targets him. Lesson Four: Don't melee a Red Death. Lesson Five: It is virtually impossible to outrun a Red Death on foot. oo OO oo. Sepiroth, possibly wiser than Dad, decides that he has had enough (after three short dirt naps) and recalls away. The brawl lasts a solid 30 minutes and Maddwg is introduced to the dirt three more times. The group eventually retreated to gather the red skulls for a visit to the Interred Grizzle (however as the party reenters I click to wrong button) but Maddwg stumbles and is left behind. After staring into space for a short period of time Maddwg realizes that he might as well go do something else. Scene Four: Opens at the Brit stables with Maddwg acquiring DirtNap (III). Upon hearing that Sep is at Destard he recalls there. Sep displays how easily he dispatches dragons and a not jealous Maddwg wanders off to his on prey. Maddwg starts killing a drake when another arrives. He finishes the first and just as he engages the second a dragon spawns and a wyvyrn strolls over. As he spurs DirtNap away from this fight he spies the ghost of Sep running past. He chases down Sep bring him back to life with bandages. Maddwg and DirtNap reapproach the crowd of denizens and lures them away one at the time until they are all taking their on naps. Our proud hero seeks and finds another dragon. However, UO has differing plans than his and the rapid arrival of three more dragons quickly points out the poor planning of the not so proud Maddwg. DirtNap becomes a dragon snack. Maddwg runs the 59,337 miles to the nearest healer (I think they are tired and keep moving further away or is it just for Maddwg?) Upon returning, Maddwg seeks and kills a few drakes but wisely rejects taking on a dragon on foot. He recalls to the stables and purchases DirtNap IV because a cowering DragonSnack refuses to go with him. Scene Five (busy day): Opens at the Citadel where our hero is able to coax six assassins out two at the time and gets a little revenge for Scene One. When he accidently triggers six assassins Maddwg flees without actually wetting himself (or so he says). Maddwg makes his way north and encounters a fan dancer. His comment "Yo, baby you are hot!" irrates the lady and she attacks. Sadly, our hero is not a sexist and sends her to the dirt. He then spies a Ronin and charges. During the engagement the Ronin dismounts our hero and kills Maddwg's horse. Oh My God, they killed DirtNap! Now on foot, our hero dispatches several more wandering ronin and fan dancers. Eventually, Maddwg becomes over-looted (like the pun?) and recalls back to town. After getting DirtNapV, Maddwg returns to the same area and once again a ronin dismounts him and kills DirtNap (man they get that horse fast). He again stays until his backpack is full then recalls back for another mount. Can you guess? Yep, DirtNapVI. Alas, the lady of the house needs to do some errands so Maddwg recalls home and calls it an interesting day. WHEW. Maddwg, raconteur and dirt nap king. Sorry, long story and no screenies. Again. Edited because I can neither spell or count. In all honesty, I lost track of how many DirtNaps's I went through and can't recall whether I'm now on VI or VII.