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Help! my cousin got pregnant.. Need some advice..

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Velvathos, Nov 12, 2008.

  1. Velvathos

    Velvathos Lore Keeper
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    The story: Well, my cousin, who is 14 years old was dropped off about a year ago at my door step by her dad, and he is missing, we don't know where he is at. So my sister, her boyfriend, my cousin and my girlfriend and I all live under one house, I am 22 years old, my parents retired and move out-of-state to some place nice. Our house is fully paid off and we don't have any financial problems, we're all managers at grocery stores and make lots of money, more than enough to raise a child. Anyways, so my cousin decided to get pregnant, she told us after a few weeks, it happened at my Halloween party a few weeks bacj. I am not angry at her, I haven't really been paying enough attention to her, none of us have, and we are the ones at fault, her uncle dropped her off at my house so we could raise her. I kind of let her run wild. I know the father of the un-born child very well, he is the brother of my sister's boyfriend, my cousin and him are the same age, and we have already told his parents, and they are willing to raise this child.

    I am letting my n make the decision of wether she wants to have a abortion, keep the child or give it up for adoption.

    The thing where my sister and I went wrong with our cousin, we aren't parents, she's living with us, we're buying her everything she needs, but we wern't trying to raise her like a daughter or something, I mean, she's my cousin, and she is in a house of young adults, I am her brother figure, and we never planned to take care of her, but I love her, and that's why she is still here in the house. I was never strict on her enough I suppose, which is why this happened, I am still not really strict on her, and neither is anyone else.


    I look at it this way, I will help raise this child, if she wishes to keep it.. I will have no choice. It was my fault she's pregnant. I also went down to the courts, through the legal system and became her legal guardian, which is why I feel this was my mistake..

    I wasn't really upset or angry or anything when she told me she was pregnant, I was kind of shocked and I said.. "Oh who's the father?" What would a father do in this case? Cause me not being upset, I am not sure if that is normal or not, am I acting how I should? Should I put my foot down?

    Money shouldn't be an issue either, I even have an extra empty room in the house, it is a full-paid off house and I have more money than I know what to do with it, I come from a wealthy family..

    As far as school goes, she has one or two more years to go, I sent her to the same high school I went to, it is a charter school she would only have to go to 20 hours a week, it isn't a school with a lot of rules and non-sense, it is opened from 8 AM - 8 PM and available on Saturdays.. They also have at home courses that people can take.. It is kind of like working out of a library..


    On the issue of abortion, life begins at conception though, that means a fetus is a life and has a right to life.. I think when a abortionist performs a abortion though, he is committing a crime and can be sued. I don't look at it as much of a moral, I don't look at it as morally right or wrong, but a political one, is it constitutional or not?.. In cause in the constitution, you can what you wish with your body if you aren't harming anyone.. In this case, you're harming an unborn child.. I am against victimless laws and crimes though, which is why I am not upset at this situation, I want everyone to have freedom of choice, I am not really an anarchist but I am a libertarian/conservative, and I believe in a free society, I won't impose my beliefs on her though.

    So, that's my issue, kinda lost right now... :(
     
  2. DaveSP!

    DaveSP! Visitor

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    Bin bags and canals are your friend mate.



    think of the mess and the noise otherwise
     
  3. eladamry

    eladamry Guest

    I haven't been to trammel in forever. Is it alright to post pictures of clothes hangers?
     
  4. Aran

    Aran INFRACTION INFRACTION INFRACTION!
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    Unless you're the one who got her pregnant, it's none of your business as far as what she chooses, to be honest.
     
  5. Black Sun

    Black Sun Grand Poobah
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    First off it's not your fault. You didn't get her pregnant, she's not your child. Frankly, if blame rests anywhere (besides on her shoulders) its on her parents.

    Secondly, it's her choice. If she want's the keep the kid. Your decision is do you want to let her continue to stay with you after she has the baby. If so, I would lay down some solid rules and get things under tighter reigns before you end up raising her kid while she's out running wild.
     
  6. Velvathos

    Velvathos Lore Keeper
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    Her parents are gone.. The mother passed away after she was born and the father, we don't know where he is at, he dropped her off at my door-step... So I can't blame the parents... I assume my uncle just wanted to start a new life..

    I love my cousin though, very, very much, such a sweet girl, more like a sister figure to me, and I will stand by her side... And, where the hell is she gonna stay? I can find foster parents, but I know what it is like in foster homes, it sucks.. It is my fault for letting her "do what she wants" cause I didn't lay down rules in the first place.. But I who am I to tell her what to do? I am a brother figure, not a dad, I am not experienced with parenting, so I am thinking about taking some counseling myself.. :(
     
  7. Aran

    Aran INFRACTION INFRACTION INFRACTION!
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    Clearly you're not really set for this.

    Find her somewhere that'll be good for her.
     
  8. Flora Green

    Flora Green Guest

    You're her legal guardian. She's 14. What are your state laws? Give her ALL the options.

    Can't really help you as it's not my place and I do not believe in abortion in any case, so...

    All you can do is support her whatever she decides, IF she has that right. At 14 parental consent is required in many states. Just make she sure she has accurate info. Not the Planned Parenthood "choice" crap and not the Bible thumping she'll burn in hell crap. Straight out facts about abortion and how it will affect her physically, emotionally and mentally. The problem is finding someone objective to discuss everything with her and finding literature that isn't slanted in either direction. Even Libertarians are skewed (cept for Libertarians for Life) in their views.

    Best of luck to all involved.
     
  9. Kazar

    Kazar Guest

    When I was in high school (which was long ago in a galaxy far far away) me and my girlfriend at the time got pregnant and we looked at all the options and chose to have the child. We had very supportive family and friends. Our relationship didn't work out but we are still friends and we have a 29 year old son. So all I can say is support your cousin because it will turn out to be a good thing all around. You can't start the "blame" game now because it's already done. The only thing you can do is be supportive and make sure the child is taken care of.
     
  10. ElRay

    ElRay Guest

    Shes only 14, and lives under his roof, her choice will affect HIS life, how is that "none of his business?"

    Heres a nickel, go buy yourself another clue
     
  11. Aran

    Aran INFRACTION INFRACTION INFRACTION!
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    I'm talking legally, you're talking out your ass.
     
  12. ElRay

    ElRay Guest

    Says the guy who plays with legos and takes pictures from his trailer window,and uses it as an avatar........yes you are to be taken seriously
     
  13. Calla Lily

    Calla Lily Guest

    You need to sit down and figure out who is really going to be raising this child if she decides to keep it. Raising a child comes with a lot of responsibilities it doesn't sound like you've been facing so far. How is your cousin going to be able to act as an adult and as a parent when nobody in her life has taught her how? You haven't set rules for her, how is she going to know what rules to set for her child? All of you need counseling and help in this if you're going to succeed. Someone in that house needs to learn how to parent a child and step up and take control. I wish you luck in that.

    As far as her making up her mind what to do about the baby, just make sure she has all the information she needs to make that decision. It IS her choice, but she needs to know what it takes to raise a child, as well as what she'll face if she decides to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Every one of those choices has lifelong consequences, for her and for the baby.

    She might be pregnant, but she's only 14. She's still a child and she still needs parenting herself.
     
  14. Moreeg

    Moreeg Guest

    Two words: Falcon Punch.
     
  15. Ghost of Gramps

    Ghost of Gramps Journeyman
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    I guess she could give up his name to DSS and let them hunt him down for child support.

    It was her drawers. She didn't have to drop them.
     
  16. Mishkam

    Mishkam Visitor

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  17. Viper09

    Viper09 Grand Poobah
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    Mish, that's just messed up...