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Lookin fer a rockin chair...

Discussion in 'UO Baja' started by Grandma, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. Grandma

    Grandma Guest

    Morning children,
    I be lookin fer a good furnychair vendor. Seems my old rockin chair done busted. I need to get some new furnychair fer my room at the sosoiran aged home. Iffin ye know of any, please be a deary and post here.

    PS. Thankye Amber, Ala, and Son for comin' to my rescue from them town guards last night. I had nightmares all night long bout being in that jail. I jest sat up and rocked all night, and busted muh rockin chair
     
  2. Lindae

    Lindae Guest

    Good afternoon, fellow victim of the ravages of time!

    I cannot recommend a decent rocking-chair, as I believe that rocking is a compulsive and self-stimulatory behaviour that contributes greatly to our intellectual decay as we age. Instead, I would recommend a Tokunese futon (they are excellent for the vertebrae); frequent mental and physical exercise, such as chasing the youth nowadays off your lawn; or, barring that, a corpulent and enthusiastic husband (bouncing is almost as relaxing as rocking, and much better for the constitution.)

    I would also recommend leaving that nursing home as soon as you possibly can. Sosarian nursing homes are wretched places. My son put me in one on my sixty-fifth birthday as a cruel joke - but the joke was on him, wasn't it? The cleaning bill was enormous, and he had to foot every cent because he'd legally declared me financially incompetent! Hah! Blood is very difficult to scrub out of a carpet, you know. It is their fault for trying to feed me mashed swedes. I cannot abide mashed vegetables; they are fey and unmanly. Back in my day, we lived entirely on uncooked yams and bell pepper, and we liked it.

    It is terrible to hear that the guards' disregard for the health and safety of senior citizens is not limited to myself. You ought to write an angry letter to the editorial board of every major newspaper in the country (I believe that amounts to a single newspaper, that, judging by its content, does not have an editor.) Alternately, may I advise you to take up a halberd and rid the town of these pesky miscreants for good? It is about time that we elderly took a stand and started going on rampages; nobody would be able to call us irrelevant then!

    (I went on a rampage two years ago. Jolly good fun. A dozen people died and now I am exiled from my homeland. I would suggest committing suicide at the scene of the crime; it adds a certain poetic closure to the incident, without the humiliating after-effects of a life in exile.)

    Wishing you all the best,

    Lindae
     
  3. SuperKen

    SuperKen Slightly Crazed
    Stratics Veteran Alumni

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    This thread is full of win.
     
  4. RawHeadRex

    RawHeadRex Slightly Crazed
    Stratics Veteran

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    Lindae is a ray of UO sunshine :p
     
  5. yeah go with the futon granny...you could be a new age granny.
     
  6. Grandma

    Grandma Guest

    Lordy, Lordy, a futon bed? Now children, how you expectin' me to git these old bones down flat on a bed like that? More to the point how ye expectin' me to git back UP offin that same flat bed? I tell ye, give me a nice bed, bout so high *hand at hiney level*...so I kin crawl into and slide outtin in the mornin. As fer moving from that old Sorsorian retirement place, well, I jest plum did that. Got me a nice little house out side of that Skara town, near that maze place, ( got lost the first day in thar, and got imp bites the size of cabbages on muh whoist's and whatsit's)
    I still be looking for a vendor that sells furnychair and a reasonable price. Nothin' fancy, mind you, jest sturdy and steady.
    Iffin ye know of one, let me know on this here or if ya a mind to scribble it on one o' those recall rocks and iffin I'm around that Britain town ya can jest give it to me. I still don't hold with goin' through that blue hole ya'll youngin's call a moongate. Seems you go in and come out somebody else, *adjusts glasses*, that's what I seed anyways.
     
  7. Harlan

    Harlan Guest

    If you get with Leonidas or His brother Zorax they know of a carpenter that can make you all the furniture that you need. Shamrock will not even charge Brit citizens for this service. So if you see Shamrock, Leo, or Zorax around the bank just give them a shout.