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Minions, apply within

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by Wulf2k, May 21, 2014.

  1. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

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    I am once again putting out the call for able-bodied minions. And by "able-bodied", I really just mean that you "have" a body which can be thrown against whatever I point at, over and over, until the constant switching between colour and monochrome gives you epileptic seizures.

    Seriously, I could even use that monkey that was able to play Pong with nothing but electrodes inserted into his skull.

    That being said, I'm sure that if your capabilities are above and beyond that of Pongmonkey I can put you to work with much less death than mentioned above. I just like to set the ground rules that you have to be ok with dying. A lot. Any equipment lost in my service will be replaced (within reason) and if you are less than optimally equipped you will likely be given a free suit while doing my bidding.

    Profits will be split horribly unfairly, likely at an even split between any that attend. I know, I know, you're thinking to yourself "But Wulf, I have the gaming skill of a drunken titmouse, don't you deserve all of the profit while I should be satisfied with the mere opportunity to bask in your presence?"

    And the answer is yes, you should. But it turns out that the kids of today don't have the attention span to bask, so I have increased the reward to include a split of whatever I get. That's 2 for the price of one, act now and receive an autographed screenshot to set as your phone backgrounds, so you can Wulfbask on the go, in the shower, before bed, and during intimate moments with loved ones!

    To summarize the above OCD ADD ramble that may, or may not, be down with the ICP, I am looking for anybody of any skill level to do whatever strikes my fancy. If you have absolutely no worthwhile skills, I can tame you a giant beetle and you can haul stuff for me while I tear off my shirt and grapple the demons of hell into submission with my bare hands. Guaranteed more exciting than it sounds.

    Ooh, or we can tame you a pack of forest ostards. 0 required taming and pack instincts. Or lowland bouras, with their high tanking HP. Or we'll get you a golem.

    Or we'll hit up Khaldun and I'll guard/heal you while you do the puzzle chests.

    Or we'll do the Exodus generator puzzles. Or the Underworld puzzles.

    Or we'll kill paragon ancient wyrms while you pile their leather, and I'll res you a few hundred times while you learn paragon AI.

    Or we'll do a spawn and you can use +skill jewels and an imbued weapon to help push through the first wave, then you'll cut leather in the midst of chaos while I take care of the rest.

    Come on lets go and play
    I never see you anymore
    Come out the door
    It's like you've gone away-
    We used to be best buddies
    And now we're not
    I wish you would tell me why!-

    Do you wanna build a snowman?
    It doesn't have to be a snowman.

    Or we'll sit there and I'll talk a lot of crap and you'll slowly edge your way to the door while pondering the most socially acceptable method of escaping my company before I kill you and wear your skin as an extra suit. But that totally won't happen. Probably. Unless you fail to put the lotion in the basket.

    I mean c'mon, the basket is right there. What are you, some sort of animal that doesn't grasp proper lotion etiquette?

    Also open to joint operations with peers of similar skill, but much like the famed Yeti, such creatures are rare and frequently glimpsed, relegated to the stuff of legends and blurry screenshots.

    Operating hours are between 9 PM CST and whenever my children allow me to escape the horrible confines of consciousness and escape into the blissful darkness of my subconscious. That's where I'm a viking.

    Respond here, or via ICQ - 5285549

    ICQ will not be manned until later in the evening.

    ...Jesus, you people are still reading this? What's wrong with you? Don't you have lives to get on with?
     
    Kattasrophe and Spiffykeen like this.
  2. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    I like doing the underworld puzzles. And Im always looking for a friend to hang out with and talk to.. so if you want to do puzzles Ill come, I only got 6 more days of school then Im FREE!!! yay..
     
  3. kelmo

    kelmo Old and in the way
    Professional Stratics Veteran Alumni Dread Lord

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  4. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    I remember watching that.. never laughed so hard over a movie in my life..
     
    QueenZen likes this.
  5. Luka Melehan

    Luka Melehan Certifiable
    Professional Stratics Veteran Alumni Campaign Patron

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    Hey I used to be Wulf's minion. Its a good time!
     
  6. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

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    Minionhood has a bad rep spread by people that don't understand it.

    Thanks for the endorsement, from another satisfied graduate of MinionU.