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[NEWS] Special Orders

Discussion in 'UO Baja' started by Ceno of MT, Jul 12, 2009.

  1. Ceno of MT

    Ceno of MT Seasoned Veteran
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    Taken from: The Golden Brew Tavern

    Special Orders


    Sunday, July 12, 2009
    By EMPallando


    Jerik pushed and shoved through the crowded armory at a snail’s pace, the clanking sound of platemail suited mercenaries, all barking nonsense at each other as they equipped themselves, and snorting of freshly tamed swamp dragons filling his large helmet. It was not long before he found the Commander standing between several weapon racks, seemingly hiding from the rest of the crowd, conversing with a nameless arcane controller, the likes of which Jerik and his mates had come to despise. It wasn’t just the silence they kept or their shadiness that got to him, it was the unseen pall that shrouded every one of them. Jerik had done some evil things in his time, but these coal skinned, red eyed jesters of magic and machine had done far worse.


    And for that, Jerik feared them.


    “Boss?”, said Jerik, removing his helmet, his eyes not acknowledging the controller that stood by.


    The Commander did not turn, standing there adorned in his helmetless suit of impeccable platemail and girt with a sword that always emitted a strange red glow seen even through its sheath. The two continued to speak as if Jerik was not there.


    “Boss, its important”, Jerik said in a slighter higher tone.


    Letting out a sigh, the Commander asked pardon of the controller and turned to Jerik.


    “What is it Captain?”


    Jerik nodded in the direction of the controller, “Should this one be present?


    The Commander gave a dismissive gesture, “I ain’t got time for niceties Captain, out with it”.


    Jerik cleared his throat, straightening his shoulders, “It’s the men boss. They’ve been gossipin’ like housewives again, and the wrong whispers are goin’ about this place. They think they’re concerns are bein’ passed over, thrown away. I need somethin’ to tell ‘em boss, ease their worries. Ease my worries.”


    The Commander removed one of his gauntlets and wiped his face in frustration.


    “Jerik, if this is about the contract, I already put out orders. There’ll be no bitchin’ on the subject, and the men would do well to remember that.”
    “It ain’t just the contract boss.”


    The Commander cut into his next words, “The Blue Scorpions then?”


    Jerik smiled, “Boss you know we ain’t no one to shy back from competition, especially from these lanky, prancing, Tokunite pansies”.


    “Then by all the King-forsaken Virtues, what is it?”


    Jerik looked around, feeling his stored emotions well up, he let out a frustrated sigh.


    “Its these jesters for one, boss”, Jerik said motioning toward the controller, whom responded only with a dark grin,”They mosey on in unannounced, bringin’ those machines, wanting only to nose into the fight. They stalk our boys, work with demon-spawn, refuse pay, and the worst part is, no one even questions it! Not the King, not you!”


    The Commander took in a breath to speak but Jerik cut him off.


    “And the device boss, you know it as well as I do. We are all top notch, crack mercs, but this piecemeal strategy is foolish! When can be bring our full strength into the open? Already our attacks make them run fer their homes, but our forces are sufferin’ when they don’t have to! Lets put the hammer to the anvil boss, we are ready! What –”


    “Enough Captain! Your worries are heard!”, the Commander interrupted. Jerik’s body stiffened.


    Exchanging a moment of silence, the Commander then spoke in a calm and confident voice.


    “Jerik, go and tell the men that the presence of the controllers and their creations is essential to our success with this contract. Tell them that less pay on their part is more on ours, especially now that we got the Scorpions on the move. And for British’s sake, remind them they ain’t paid to voice their opinions! They get paid to keep their mouth shut, do what you and I say, kill what I point at, and serve me dinner at the victory table!”


    Jerik nodded, “And what of the device sir?”


    “Tell them to shut their traps and strap their swords on tight. Everythin’ is coming together and soon they won’t have a reason to be complainin’.”


    Jerik nodded again, “Yes boss”.


    Jerik backed away and turned to go carry out his orders.


    “Oh, and Captain”


    Jerik turned back around.


    “Once you’ve counselled the men, be fully suited up and find a pretty swamp dragon to plant yerself on, then report back to me.”


    “Is it about the next attack boss?”


    The Commander gave a wide smile.


    “No, Captain. I have a special assignment for you. It involves a certain claim we had overlooked out near Skara Brae. I’ll need you to see to it.”
    Jerik nodded, half understanding.


    “Now quit wastin’ my time. Off with ya.”, said the Commander, turning back to the red jester.


    Overlooked? But it was me who laid out our preparations. What place could we have possibly overlooked?, Jerik thought as he pressed back into the multitude.




    (Mini-Event Date and Time: July 12th, 2009 at 6:15pm PST- 9:15PM EST)
    (Location: Skara Brae Fairegrounds)
     
  2. Xel The Wanderer

    Xel The Wanderer Lore Keeper
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    Oh, heck no. The Ivory Throne is being threatened!? :talktothehand: For those of you who are not familiar with the Ivory Throne, it is the outhouse that is located on the Skara Brae Fairegrounds. Theoran patiently watches over the Outhouse.

    As the King of my 2 x 2 Kingdom which has a magically enchanted, self-cleaning, luxurious porcelain throne a.k.a. toilet, I humbly ask that the citizens of Sosaria raise their voices, their hearts, and their arms to halt this dastardly tide. The Ivory Throne is not just an outhouse, it is a beacon of hope for those who are subjugated by tyranny, oppression, and that bad portion of fish that you had at the Cat's Lair Tavern. The Ivory Throne is equality, understanding, confidentiality, compassion, a sanctuary and haven for ANY and ALL citizens of Sosaria. It is our FREEDOM!

    If you, my fellow citizens, believe in this humble Monk's convictions, then I humbly ask that you help defend the Outhouse and the Ivory Throne that is in Skara Brae Fairgrounds on July 12, 2009 at 6:15 pm PST (9:15 pm EST). Furthermore, if you need to use the restroom, my throne and my Kingdom is always at your service and discretion. Please allow me to raise my flag's banner, and let us fight, brothers and sisters...

    FOR FREEDOM AND SANITATION OF THE OUTHOUSE! FOR THE IVORY THRONE! HUZZAH!!!

    *raises the flag and standard of the Ivory Throne*

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Yalp

    Yalp Guest

    My brother Xel... I pledge my Tokunite blood to help defend your throne.. one which all mannner of man is in dire need of saving, from the most lofty Empress to the lowest beggar! You sir, can count on my service in defense!
     
  4. Ceno of MT

    Ceno of MT Seasoned Veteran
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    *laughs*
    Xel I love you :hug: :beer:
    Sadly Xel I will be at work, but I'll be there in spirit!
     
  5. Greetings Brother Xel,

    I don't know if I can be there for you but I'll try. *squirms*

    I had to use the throne yesterday and I'm thinking someone rubbed some oil of poison ivy on the tissue. *scratch scratch scratch* Its kind hard to sit in the saddle if you know what I mean. OH GOD it itches!!!!

    Maybe you can ask Theoran to keep an eye out for any merc that has found the best way to put us out of commission.

    Your Brother in Arms,

    Bucko the Kid
    Who will pay good gold to the first person who can find something to get rid of this itch!
     
  6. Matraes

    Matraes Visitor
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    It is *not* self cleaning. Trust me. I've cleaned it.

    But, I'll be there. I'm not going to allow a single one of Casca's henchmen rights to use the outhouse before we do.
     
  7. Xel The Wanderer

    Xel The Wanderer Lore Keeper
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    Thank you all for the support! From the top, middle, and bottom of my heart and sake bottle(s), you have my gratitude. In order to prepare for tonight's task, I must meditate upon the mysteries of nudity, females, and the use of alcoholic beverages in order to achieve spiritual guidance and intervention. *starts chanting mysterious mantras* Oum...oum...oum...
     
  8. Yalp

    Yalp Guest

    Perchance a means for defeating these hired henchmen.. allow them to utilize the throne room! The poisoned ivy wipes would come in handy down the road.. hard to concentrate on one's battle front when one's battle behind is in such agony!
     
  9. Zyron

    Zyron Guest

    hmm which char should i bring...

    sampire or necromage.
     
  10. Oriana

    Oriana Babbling Loonie
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    That was a lot of fun!! I ided lots, but that just means I had more fun lol. Thanks Seppo and it seems the citizens of Britainnia are free to go wee wee anytime we want now!!
     
  11. Cadsuane Sedai

    Cadsuane Sedai Journeyman
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    As long as seppo stays out of the outhouse....
     
  12. WarderDragon

    WarderDragon Babbling Loonie
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    I still say we use it as a trap. Casca is going to have to use the bathroom eventually, and when he does, we'll bolt the door shut and push the outhouse down a hill.
     
  13. Cadsuane Sedai

    Cadsuane Sedai Journeyman
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    I'm with him
     
  14. Xel The Wanderer

    Xel The Wanderer Lore Keeper
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    To everyone who defended the Ivory Throne from the disgruntled mercenaries, upgraded clockwork golems, controllers, executioners, ronins, shadow baddies, and finally a blinkin' Captain (I believe it was Jerik), you have my sincere thanks and gratitude.

    As the Widow declared, you are all Knights of the Royal Flush and/or Damsels of the Royal Flush! *laughs* I dig those titles! :thumbsup: To the EMs, if you're reading this, thank you much for the fun and insane event...over a blinkin' outhouse which also happens to be the Ivory Kingdom or the Porcelain Throne...*laughs*

    From the majority of the great and sexy people whom I've spoken to, everyone had a really great time, and that's what it's all about. I can honestly say that I was laughing the entire time due to the absurdity of the situation: a million and one mercenaries trying to take over a 2 x 3 outhouse on the Skara Brae Fairgrounds in Trammel. COME ON, if that doesn't say "Classic UO Moments" to anyone, I don't know what does! Amazing, fun, and hilarious at the same time. :D

    As Cymidei inferred, Casca must be rolling on his elven bed if his hired help wasn't able to take over the outhouse! A very amazing time for all, and again, thank you everyone who helped defend the Ivory Throne. My Kingdom, toilet paper, and porcelain throne are yours! HUZZAH!!!

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Matraes

    Matraes Visitor
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    Forgoing everything, that I died umpteen times (Because my poor tamer is just like paper) and my drag died twice, (but it started out pretty much exactly where it began.) AND I spent more time looking for my corpse than killing because I ran out of gold enough to handle my insurance, BUT....

    Xel.. I LOVE YOU MAN!
    and to our EMs... I love you too, leaping leotards and all.

    I was sitting there laughing and thinking 'only in UO, and only on Baja.'

    Only there would we fight mercenaries who were disgruntled because they had to hold it and wait in line. All for rights over an outhouse. It reminded me of two teenage siblings fighting over the rights to use the bathroom first in the morning, and I could do nothing but laugh at the entire abusurdity of the situation.

    I dub thee oh evening of fun and laughs, Battle of the Bog!
     
  16. Mama Faith

    Mama Faith Sage
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    Maybe they'll add a bidet since we've proven how important our sanitation is on Baja. ;)

    That was an intense battle with players dying everywhere. When it was over, players considered it a victory and NOONE was asking if we were getting a prize. Our prize was an outhouse that we're free to use even if we forgot our pocket change at home when leaving for the battlefield. Priceless!

    As an aside...the best part was my husband walking into the office as I was fighting. He asked what we were all doing and I told him we were fighting for the independence of the 'Ivory Throne'. He shook his head, burst out laughing and left the room. :coco:
     
  17. Yalp

    Yalp Guest

    Indeed. and in times yon.. when the wee ones ask what it is that makes Baja so great, what makes it stand apart from shards near and far.... we will be able to tell them.. there came a day, when a lying weasel of an elf usurped Lord Brit's throne and declared all other thrones pubic enemies.

    And we will be able to say, with our heads held high and our undies clean.. that we drove back his horde and protected our hinnies! Long live the IVORY THRONE!