Well, it's been awhile since I leave the world of Britainia. general Douglas MacArthur once said: "Old soldiers don't die, they just fade away." That's exactly how I feel when I gave my accounts away. It might be the last day I ever play UO, but the truth is that my heart hasn't been there for quite a long time before that. I started playing back in October 97. Now there were too many good things and bad things happen all these years and I'm sure there are those who can tell a better story, so I'll skip that part. And to tell the truth, I left not because the good things are gone or the bad things are overwhelming. I left, because I loose the will to live, so to speaking. In the world of UO that is. Imagine why we live in the real world now. Mostly because we have something desirable we want to get, someone worth to live for, some goal we want to achieve, or simply that we're just afraid to die becuase of the unknown. And after all these years in UO, I found myself no longer desire much of anything. No more friends who share blood and tear with me. No more goal that I want to achieve. And of course death is never something horrible, more like an annoying fact. I mean even if you close your account you can still bring it back just as easily. So I ask myself: "what will make me want to come back again?" I'm sure for everyone who choose to leave they have a different answer of their own. And the truth is even IF we do get our wishes to come true, it may not make a difference since who really knows what they want anyway. But I'll give it a shot. Something I thought about it for a long time after I left UO, and found no other game can get to me the way UO used to. I want to change the world. Or should I say, I want to know my existance in the world makes a difference. That it has a meaning. Good or bad. By the world of course I meant the game world. I want to know that today by killing some dragons in the dungeon, I may save the near by village from kept on getting attacked. And the town will flourish again. I want to know that by not joining the force to protect the city, the city might be lost forever and there'll no longer be vendors to buy from, no stables to stable my pets, no shop to sell my wares. There are quests or events designed toward that direction, I'll admit. But the truth is after so many quests and events, I find the world still pretty much the same. All my efforts and time don't seem to make a difference at all. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Sometimes I really wish that there was some sort of really serious disaster that if leave alone, will wipe out half of the world and its population, along with our precious houses. Maybe that will make me feel alive again. It's sad I know, one needs to feel great lost in order to feel alive. Anyway, it's 4 am here and I'm rambling on and on. Just a thought.