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[RP News] The Good Eats in Britain: A Warning

Discussion in 'UO Baja' started by WarderDragon, Apr 18, 2011.

  1. WarderDragon

    WarderDragon Babbling Loonie
    Stratics Veteran Alumni BRPA

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    The Good Eats in Britain: A Warning
    Author Unknown

    Guardsman Leonidas, and the old woman known only as Grandma, approached the Cat’s Lair tavern where Corporal Brackus was waiting impatiently after having made a desperate plea with citizens earlier that evening to scour the town of Britain in search for clues to the origin of the crazed townsfolk that had appeared in town nearly a month ago. Brackus was clearly frustrated at the guards’ inability to uncover the mystery behind the crazies. Inquiries by the guards turned up little. It seemed as if many citizens and shop keepers in Britain were being tight-lipped about the situation, possibly due to the vague rumors of Town Guards using excessive force of late while performing their duties. Tonight however, a small group of citizens gathered together and pledged their help; Wildstar, Alucarld, Silmwaren, Sister Francis, Grandma, and others. To date, the only clues so far were a direct result of guardsman Leonidas and tavern manager, Tirion Mograine of the Cat’s Lair tavern, who noted that they both found half-eaten loaves of bread on all the madmen and madwomen they had encountered the last weeks.

    Leonidas saluted as he approached, “We found a lead Corporal. Our theory about the half-eaten pieces of bread was solidified this evening after searching the town and speaking with various shopkeepers.” Brackus’ eyes widened slightly as he rubbed his chin with the tip of his ndex finger and thumb, as if absorbing the news. “Corporal?”, guardsman Leonidas continued, “Did you hear what I just said?”

    Brackus answered with a simple, “Eh?”

    The old woman, known only as Grandma, walked right in front of Brackus and shook her walking stick at him, saying, “Ye need muh hearin’ aide sonny? Ain’t ye payin’ attention? The boy Jimmy Montfort… He’s a lowly cook at the Good Eats Bakery see? He be skeered outtin his britches. Lad weren’t tell us much of anything, his knees all shaking and buckling on thinking he be losing his job if he squeals.”

    Leonidas nodded his agreement and continued, “She’s right Corporal. Jimmy wouldn’t tell us anything else unless we could get him a new job, cause he figured he might get fired if he blabbed about his gold-pinching boss. So we went to the nearby taverns and found him new employment at the Unicorn’s Horn!”

    “Weren’t hardly as simple as that, sonny!” Grandma interjected. “First we had to do that hunky bouncer a favor to git the boy a job at the Unicorn’s Horn see? Had to go fight them thar Brigands and git his stolen liquor delivery back” Grandma nodded repeatedly as if to add emphasis to her detailed report.

    “Stolen Liquor?” replied Corporal Brackus.

    Guardsman Leonidas answered, “Right. The tavern manager at the Unicorn’s Horn, Henry Jekyll, said that if he was going to do us a favor by signing a new employment contract for Jimmy Montfort of the Good Eats, then we had to do him a favor first. Luckily for us, when we arrived at the suspected Brigand hide-out, most of those brigands were either half-asleep or half-drunk! So myself, Grandma, Alucarld, and Silmwaren were able to retrieve the stolen goods without much trouble at all.”

    “You paying attention, sonny?” Grandma pointed her finger at Corporal Brackus, “Ain’t so difficult to follow. I think I see light shining ‘tween your ears! Once we returned the stolen liquor to the Unicorn’s Horn, ole’ Henry Jekyll penned us a signed contract - which we gives to that thar skeered boy Jimmy at the Good Eats.”

    Leonidas concurred, “… just like Grandma here says. Once we returned to the Good Eats and told Jimmy we found him new employment and had a guaranteed contract as Head Cook at the Unicorn’s Horn, Jimmy told us everything!”

    Grandma interjected, “Lad said all those crazies be former patrons of his at that thar bakery. Fancy that, mmm? After we twists the lads arm, he says that his boss be trying to save himself coin. Done got himself a new supplier for his flour! Flour must be poisoned, tainted, or be lacking in cod liver oils. Cod liver always be good fer what’er ails ye.”

    Brackus rubbed the back of his neck trying to digest the first-hand report. He was certainly glad that, where the guards had previously failed in gaining insight to the source of the crazies, citizens and guards united were able to unearth an instrumental clue to putting an eventual end to this madness of the crazies. His thoughts drifted to immediately contacting city officials, or the Baker’s Guild, about the incident with the Good Eats Bakery. Perhaps city officials would post a general health warning to all patrons of the Good Eats outside the shop; cautioning citizens about the danger of eating anything containing flour from the town’s only bakery. His thoughts were interrupted by the sharp pain in his leg as the old woman swung her walking stick to gain his attention again.

    “Jimmy says the owner of the Good Eats be gone on vacation right now. Says he’ll be back in ‘bout a week.”, Grandma added as Brackus reached down and started rubbing his shin. “Now… I want to know one more thing. Where is that dadburn quilting bee at?”

    “There was no such event schedule this evening, Grandma. I think you must, uh, er… be confused”, Brackus retorted while still rubbing his shin.

    Leonidas watched the old woman leave while muttering about inept town guards in her wake. He turned once again to Brackus and said, “When the owner of the Good Eats bakery return to Britain, I guess we will have a few questions to ask regarding his new supplier of flour, right Corporal? If we can determine where this flour originated from, the source, it should lead us right to whoever is behind this despicable act of madness.”

    “Good work tonight, guardsman Leonidas. We must be thankful for those citizens who volunteered their services this evening.” Brackus was obviously pleased with the newfound revelations regarding the crazed townsfolk. “You will provide a detailed report of what transpired tonight. Have it written in the guard logbooks by first light tomorrow. That is all. You are dismissed.”

    Leonidas saluted and returned to his patrols near the First Bank of Britain, keeping a watchful eye for any crazies stirring up trouble before he was to be relieved from duty for the rest of the night.
     
  2. Lindae

    Lindae Guest

    Re: [RP News] The Good Eats in Britain: A Warning.

    A sobering and frankly worrying dissertation on the judicial errors plaguing modern Britain. Well done.
     
  3. Lindae

    Lindae Guest

    Also, Brackus is an incompetent buffoon who should be sacked and replaced with a seahorse.
     
  4. Harlan

    Harlan Guest

    I did not know that the crazies could talk in full sentences.
     
  5. Yalp

    Yalp Guest

    One wonders why the crazies are only being found in Brit. Perhaps the health and safety inspectors aren't doing their jobs inspecting these establishments.
     
  6. Harlan

    Harlan Guest

    There is word that they are in Cove also
     
  7. RawHeadRex

    RawHeadRex Slightly Crazed
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    Lindae Lindae Lindae ... did Brackus break your heart or something ?

    He and all the guards have demonstrated selfless acts of courage thoughout their tenure.
     
  8. Lindae

    Lindae Guest

    No. Of course not. Don't be stupid.

    *...sob*
     
  9. SuperKen

    SuperKen Slightly Crazed
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    I could only get as far through the report until there was the mention of the Unicorn's Horn.

    Everyone knows unicorns don't have horns...what a silly name.