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The Perfect Theft Goes Totally Wrong...

Discussion in 'UO Crime' started by Omnius, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. Omnius

    Omnius Crazed Zealot
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    Tonight’s Prediction

    Tonight, I am stealing an event item. Tonight, I am going to prove you don’t need to hide or stealth to be a great thief. Sometimes, the best disguise is blending in.

    I shall take on the appearance of El DaNgel, Lord of Cow Town, and a person everyone knows is NOT a thief. Unfortunately for everyone, tonight he is me, and I am damn good thief.

    [​IMG]

    I am a damn good thief. Some call me the Babe Ruth of Theft.

    Let’s face it modesty isn’t my strong point and I’m not afraid to admit that I am the King of Thieves. I have no rivals. I have decided to begin chronicling this theft BEFORE I do it. Consider this me pointing into the stands calling my shots before I hit them.

    [​IMG]

    ________________________________________________________________________

    What Actually Happened

    I decided to be extra careful tonight since I won’t have my usual evasive abilities. I’ve prepared two tactics. I’ve brought my invisibility ring and a decoy thief.

    The night began with a general warning about thieves attempting to steal from EM Helios. He then glanced at me.

    I, of course, snooped EM Helios and found....

    Insured, Blessed, Garbage, Boring, Insured, Blessed, Heavy, Garbage....

    FEH!!! Nothing....

    I, of course, snooped EM Ikaris and found....

    Insured, Blessed, Garbage, Boring, Insured, Blessed, Heavy, Garbage....

    FEH!!! Nothing....

    So I settled in for the Cow fights.... I kept a cow in the fight to ensure I would be in the winners circle later on to help myself...

    Blah blah boring event stuff took place....

    I placed 3rd.

    Lord Seledor Placed 2nd

    Alice Wonderland Placed 1st

    And then awards time.

    OOC: Now, I was being good taking screenshots but as I will explain, I basically got pretty pissed after completing my steal and just gave up, thinking the steal no longer counted.

    Let me recount the events.

    I robbed the mark of an event item called a cow pie, of a unique hue.

    I immediately sent it to bank with a bag of sending however I went gray in front of a rather larger audience that was very displeased.

    Everyone saw me gray and myself and the other members of the top 3 were teleported into the blackness outside the bounds of the normal world. We were given bland trophies of granite with inscriptions and the 1st place winner was given a cow pie AGAIN.

    What follows next is why i didn’t save all the screen shots. We were given generic engraved statues. EM Helios teleported us back into the ring. Some upset bystanders killed the diversion character, which I used for ::shock:: a diversion. I insisted the thief was that character because frankly, I didn’t care if it died, two thieves is too hard to control anyway.

    Some guy attacks El DaNgel, I produced a reminder that though a thief, I was still on a tamer mage and killed him with a super dragon in self defense.

    I checked the bank and it wasn’t there. I searched it several times to confirm. EM Helios had apparently removed the item from my bank box despite having completed a legitimate and righteous steal in Felucca.

    EM Helios dodged me and I was forced to seek a higher power.

    In Character: Frustrated and beaten, I went to my last resort. Summon the Dark Lady. As I began to cast this lengthy spell, I knew it was my only chance. The Dark Lady could over power EM Helios and she is friends to those of us in the brotherhood of the sticky fingers...

    “In Vas Mesanna Please Help Corp Por In Lor”

    The Omnipotent Dark Lady Mesanna appeared from the abyss and explained the events of the evening.

    EM Helios did not and could not remove an item from my bank box.

    EM Helios could and DID delete the item by its ID thereby removing it from my possession.

    The Dark Lady expressed her admiration for this brother of the sticky fingers and showed favor upon the Lord of Cow Town.

    Fire rained from the skies and smoke flashed around us.

    "Look into your pack"

    The cow pie returned to its true owner, The King of Thieves.

    [​IMG]

    This is the story of my excellent theft gone totally wrong. For those of you who might wish to follow in my foot steps, remember, even the best plans may go awry.

    Evil Lord SMuRFY’s current score on Legends: 3 EM Event items stolen. 2 from players, 1 from the Infamous EM Helios.

    Note: Afterwards, 1st and 2nd place expressed their amazement at how fast I was able to steal the pie. Their admiration of my skills was totally warranted. Lets be honest, I love fans and I love praise, so I sold their guild a castle in Cow Town on legends.

    Welcome to Cow Town. Pay Your Taxes
    [​IMG]

    - Evil Lord SMuRFY
    The Last GOR Thief
     
  2. Farsight

    Farsight Crazed Zealot
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    *tips his tricorn*

    You, sir, are a reminder of why stealing is fun. A well executed theft if I ever saw one!

    Too bad your EM has no sense of humor. Or maybe he does...
     
  3. Omnius

    Omnius Crazed Zealot
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    You just have to be more creative than in previous eras of UO. A thief can still be ultra profitable when played by the right player.

    Oh yeah and this item isn't for sale. Cow Pie belongs to Cow Town.
     
  4. Chad Sexington

    Chad Sexington Lore Master
    Stratics Veteran Barter Town

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  5. Omnius

    Omnius Crazed Zealot
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    I might host my stories to be a little more artistic in their presentation. The forums aren't really cutting it for me.
     
  6. Raptor85

    Raptor85 Certifiable
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    Between this and "laughingly" teleporting players out to be killed by opposing faction I don't see how they allow EM Helios to continue being an EM
     
  7. Omnius

    Omnius Crazed Zealot
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    In his defense, he's trying to maintain the appearance that he is in control so whinier players don't tell him he's doing a bad job.

    He's not pleased with me at this time and is considering these stories to be somewhat of a personal attack. That is unfortunate because I think deep down he enjoys thieves and finds Evil Lord SMuRFY's antics to be humorous. If some folks didn't take theft so seriously, he'd probably respond in a positive fashion.

    That being said, most folks would be better off not trying to launch a full scale war against a veteran thief of Evil Lord SMuRFY's caliber.