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(Player News) The Perilous Inquirer - 43rd Issue

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by DeadBob, Apr 25, 2014.

  1. DeadBob

    DeadBob Ancient Alien
    Stratics Veteran Alumni

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    The Perilous Inquirer
    Vol 1, 43rd Issue
    April 25, 2014

    MONDAIN'S DIARY
    (excerpted - How I got the Gem Of Immortality)
    Minax and I lived on an island in those days. We were young and in love and very happy. While I busied myself with research, Minax spent her days doing Minax things to small furry animals.
    My research centered on the strange lights that flickered offshore. They were very bright at night and sometimes blood would swell up into the sea from beneath the dancing lights. Minax discovered this first. I found her one moony night, keening and gibbering madly on the beach, naked and covered in the blood of the sea. Only by letting her suck my neck could I sooth her long enough to carry her to the water trough and bathe her.
    I determined to discover for myself what lay in those depths. And, with the help of my trusty island pigmy assistant, Baldric, I build a diving chamber. We loaded it onto a small boat and we paddled one evening to the spot where the lights came out at night.
    As those devilish lights began hopping about the surface, I crammed Baldric into the chamber and lowered him by rope into the bleeding sea. Although he lacked an air supply, Baldric had confidence in my ability to decipher his tugs on the rope. The mere frantic I ignored, but truly convulsive tugs meant his skin was turning blue and I would haul him up, much to his relief, for a wheezy debriefing.
    Soon, a picture emerged of a sunken ship resting on the bottom. Before poor Baldric went into convulsions, I learned that the prowl of that ship was adorned by a human skull pouring blood from its eyes!
    Well, that settled it. Baldric would have to go down one more time and get that skull. Of course, I was deeply concerned about Baldric. The way he was flopping around now, he could damage that skull while retrieving it. But we scientists must take risks so, shouting my instructions, I plopped him in one last time and prayed for the skull's deliverance.
    And he did it! Baldric got the skull! He never was quite right after this but he had always been a bit twitchy to begin with. And I had the skull!
    I immediately saw the key clenched in the teeth of the skull. I pried the key loose and read the inscription on its side, "Pacemaker." This key would unlock my dad's pacemaker! I could get the Gem Of Immortality that powered Dad's pacemaker! Oh! WoW! Was I excited!
    And well, you know the rest of the story.

    INCOGNITIVE INTERVIEW
    - by Kattasrophe
    Incognito is a returning player. He is a famous Siege player and pk. What makes him famous? His sarcastic, funny and truthful personality. Incognito had a short career as a news reporter ( a talented writer). And he is always up for shenanigans.
    Warning: rumors of Incognito swooning injuries have been reported. One was about a PvP fight. A person named Guest posted on a thread, "His attack was mighty and he drove me off the bridge." Prepare for more battles, shenanigans and sarcastic but hilarious comments.
    Why is Incognito getting an interview? Because, as the report says, he is "Sheer awesomeness!"
    "I deny everything, especially the parts that are true," commented Incognito just as I turned in my report.

    SWOONING INJURIES
    - by Kattasrophe
    Swooning injuries increase dramatically due to a person named Incognito. "Half of the charm is the new born baby I'm holding. The other half is my sheer awesomeness."
    This reporter has to note that the baby is a true charm magnet.

    KING'S AUCTION
    On Saturday, 10th May at 3pm Eastern, the representatives of the King's Council will be holding a shard public auction in order to give the people of Siege an opportunity to trade goods, promote shard interaction, and raise money for town treasuries.
    De'Tails at: http://stratics.com/community/threads/shard-public-auction.314642/

    PROMOTE YOUR EVENT
    Count us in on any player ran event to help promote it with something in the weekly paper. Leave a message for me here, or drop a book about it in my mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. The deadline for submissions is Wednesday for the issue that comes out Friday. Also, Kattasrophe is usually an active participant in player events and she is often game for reporting on it. Let Katt know.

    The Perilous Inquirer
    Vol. 1, 43rd Issue
    3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
    News & Booze! Free current issues are on the "News" steward. Free named liquors are on the "Booze" steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, "Siege Droppings." Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
    Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
    Cub reporter: Ru
    Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

    ~sine die~
    :facepalm:
     
    #1 DeadBob, Apr 25, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2014
    York_Siege, Kattasrophe and Shelra like this.
  2. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

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    Incognito?

    Never heard of him.
     
    Kattasrophe and Shelra like this.
  3. Victim of Siege

    Victim of Siege Crazed Zealot
    Governor Stratics Veteran Alumni Safe Haven

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    *peruses the paper in search of the funny pages*
     
    Rizarium likes this.
  4. FrejaSP

    FrejaSP Queen of The Outlaws
    Professional Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Campaign Patron The DarkOutlaws, TDO

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    I have meet a char named Incognito a few times year 2005.
    Incognito [C-C]
     
    DeadBob likes this.
  5. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    Hey... I wrote the swooning injuries article too! Ru just put the articles in the box for me! lol
     
  6. DeadBob

    DeadBob Ancient Alien
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    Authorship corrected, Katt :)
     
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  7. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    :p I have to give you a hard time you know that :)
     
    DeadBob likes this.