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(Player News) The Perilous Inquirer - 47th Issue

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by DeadBob, May 23, 2014.

  1. DeadBob

    DeadBob Ancient Alien
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    The Perilous Inquirer
    Vol 1, 47th Issue
    May 23, 2014

    NEW PLAYERS COMING?
    Siege Perilous is being considered as the site for a retirement home for ancient aliens according to @!*#!, which loosely translates as "Intergalactic Society For People We No Longer Need." According to society spokesperson ^P*K%#, whose name loosely translates as "Wets Himself Joyously," Siege is perfect. "Flat ground is the number one consideration. I mean, the old folk will still bump into things but falling from heights won't be a problem. No children is a plus. And, of course, you can end it all just by going for a walk."

    THE BARD OF SIEGE MYSTERY
    - By Kattasrophe
    After a long day of fighting, I decided to go to Luna to rest for a moment. I found a book on the ground titled, "An Angry Young Man." Being the curious person I am, I opened the book and read:
    "As I sit here looking, what do I see? I see an angry young man so starved for attention that he will say or do anything, right or wrong, to get it. I see those who feed that craving by making him the center of attention whenever he comes online. If others don't start something, he will, to get all attention focused on him. Think about it."
    So, here I was, wondering who was this angry player? To be honest, the story made me think of Hand Of Doom, a PK who can be rude.
    The Bard Of Siege has written other books and I wonder who the author is. Is it a mysterious alt character of someone we all know? Are they even from Siege Perilous? This could just be someone expressing an opinion, Or it could be a keen observer telling another Siege story.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY
    - By Kattasrophe
    Special Happy Birthday wishes for Dr D, whose birthday was this Wednesday the 21st, and to Kaisa, whose birthday will be on the 28th. May Siege be blessed by many more of your birthdays!

    HOROSCOPE
    Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
    Your lofty dreams of serving humanity will come to fruition soon when you serve your fellow Siege players as a kind of mobile blood bank.

    TRIVIA MONK
    To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
    "Name the Owner of Waterfall Bridge Shop."

    The Perilous Inquirer
    Vol. 1, 47th Issue
    3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
    News & Booze!
    Free current issues are on the "News" steward.
    Free named liquors are on the "Booze" steward.
    Back copies are free on the shop named, "Siege Droppings." Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
    Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
    House Bowyer: Jack Cordwood
    Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive


    ~sine die~
    :dunce:
     
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  2. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
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    It's kelmo. Years of putting up with our crap has caused a psychotic break.

    Luckily he's a rather polite fellow, so where most folks would go on a murderous rampage leaving a trail of bodies, when kelmo snaps he writes a strongly worded letter and leaves it in Luna.

    Shocked at the raw emotion that caused such a loss of control he will retreat in shame to binge-eat at the hot dog cart run by the Buddhist monk, who will make him one with everything. Bloated and lethargic, he will wander the lesser-used side streets of the city at night, using his extensive martial arts training to fight crime and atone for his lapse.

    By the third day, Petra will text him to say that somebody is posting erotic Golden Girl/Firefly crossover fanfic in the forum and he needs to snap out of it. He'll then return home, give Wulf a temporary ban, and restart the cycle anew.
     
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  3. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    Poor Kelmo, that man is sweet and does not go on no rampage, do I need to go get my frying pan and hit you with it?
     
  4. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
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    Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

    Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
     
    DeadBob likes this.
  5. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    *grabs a pie and smashes it in his face* :pie:
     
  6. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
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    Pie, eh?

    No need to be so crusty about it.
    You have such an angry filling.
    I bet it's because you're baked.
    Don't worry, you'll get your just desserts soon.

    Now, go out and get some sun, you're looking rather pastry.
     
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  7. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

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    :p Im half indian, nice try!
     
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  8. DeadBob

    DeadBob Ancient Alien
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    "Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
    Help! Help! I'm being repressed!+
    - Wulf2k


    Dang Monty Python fans. You would :heart:love:heart: Bored Of The Rings by the Harvard Lampoon if y'can find a copy. Here's one of my favorite scenes, from "On the Finding of the Ring."
    ......
    When Dildo's eyes became adjusted to the pale light, he found that the grotto was almost filled by a wide, kidney-shaped lake where a nasty looking clown named Goddam paddled noisily about on an old rubber sea horse.
    They asked each other countless riddles, such as who played the Cisco Kid and what was Krypton. In the end, Dildo won the game. Stumped at last for a riddle to ask, he cried out, as his hand fell on his snub-nosed .38, "What have I got in my pocket?" This Goddam failed to answer, and growing impatient, he paddled up to Dildo, whining, "Let me see, let me see." Dildo obliged by pulling out the pistol and emptying it in Goddam's direction.
    The dark spoiled his aim, and he managed only to deflate the rubber float, leaving Goddam to flounder. Goddam, who couldn't swim, reached out his hand to Dildo and begged him to pull him out, and as he did, Dildo noticed an interesting-looking ring on his finger and pulled it off.
    He would have finished Goddam off then and there, but pity stayed his hand. It's a pity I've run out of bullets, he thought as he went back up the tunnel, pursued by Goddam's cries of rage.
    ......
     
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  9. Amber Witch

    Amber Witch Slightly Crazed
    Stratics Veteran Alumni Gilfane

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    I read that as soon as it was published long ago. At first I was shocked and dismayed that they could have done such to my most beloved book characters but when I got to the part of Tom Bombadil I lightened up and loved it.
    Ha! Just went to get the book and turns out it's a first publish that I stole from the library. I'm going to go to hell.
     
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