1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Greetings Guest!!

    In order to combat SPAM on the forums, all users are required to have a minimum of 2 posts before they can submit links in any post or thread.

    Dismiss Notice

(Player News) The Perilous Inquirer - Last Issue

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by DeadBob, Jun 27, 2014.

  1. DeadBob

    DeadBob Ancient Alien
    Stratics Veteran Alumni

    Joined:
    May 24, 2008
    Messages:
    317
    Likes Received:
    422
    The Perilous Inquirer
    Vol 1, 52nd Issue
    June 27, 2014

    HOW DEADBOB MET LADY TANG
    Sometime during the DOS Age, DeadBob crossed the Gallowine River into Sosaria disguised as an itinerant grave robber. Dropping his heavy accent and old surname like a hot grenade, he immediately set about setting up toll booths on the highways and bridges, accosting the King's messengers and sending the Royal family threatening & suggestive letters.
    It was during this phase of active communication with the Royal family that Lady Tang, Handmaiden to the Princess Gladwrap, came across the Princess' collection of DeadBob's more suggestive letters and became intrigued by his vivid imagination, or "Fevered delusions," as she coyly opined. Being of helpful heart, Lady Tang set out one day with Lord Protector Sir GaggingLance to save DeadBob's immortal soul and to bring his mortal body into civilized society. They found him under a nearby toll bridge singing lurid elf songs to guffawing trolls. The good Lady prevailed upon him to accept a full pardon and job as the editor of the
    Kingdom's newspaper, the Sosarian Beagle, at a salary highway men can only dream of, in exchange for which he reluctantly gave up his sordid outlaw ways.
    Under Lady Tang's tutelage, DeadBob done good. He delved into indepth articles about the Nobles and set aside enough "unpublishable" material to assure a comfortable retirement on hefty blackmail payments.
    EPILOGUE: Last Friday, DeadBob and Lady Tang celebrated their 18th year together, having first met online in 1994 while playing Sierra's early multiplayer game, ImagiNation Network.

    A YORK MOMENT
    "I didn't sleep well last night, so this morning I drank Monster energy drinks instead of coffee. I was on the freeway headed for work when I realized I forgot my car."

    THE PERILS OF KATTASROPHE
    Part 2 of 3 Demoiselle en Détresse
    "You are just too good!" sneered Mr Bill. "Always helping others, entertaining them by putting on events and plays and interviewing players for the newspaper and even giving away gold and things.
    "Then why are you sneering at me?" Katt truly wondered.
    "This is my smile," he sneered. "And on top of everything else, you're cheerful. Gah!!" And with that, he threw her into a big web and cast a scotch tape spell across her.
    "Is this a proposal?" Katt asked, bewildered.
    "See what I mean? You're a forever optimist!"
    "Then why am I here?"
    "Because, my dear, you make me look bad. And my pets are hungry," Mr Bill chortled. "You are so charitable, I'm sure you will enjoy feeding them." He cast a summoning spell into the shadows and swarms of slavering arachnids swarmed towards the trapped Katt who squirmed and struggled against her gluey bonds.
    “Oh noooo! Mr. Bill," she cried!
    Will Katt escape the web of the dastardly Mr. Bill? Don't miss Part 3!

    HOROSCOPE
    Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
    You will never again be able to live in peace due to the enduring and seductive power of your moose call.

    PKrs BALL
    All players are invited to the Annual PKrs BALL & Benefit to be held at 7 PM EST next Friday at the Perilous Inquirer.
    Free Liquor will flow. Free Bandages will be soaked. Door Prizes will be Handed Out by the Door Prize Steward and a Drawing will be Held for a complete 52 Volume set of The Perilous Inquirer.
    Benefit donations are strictly voluntary and may be placed in the mailbox. 100% of your donation will go to the Widows & Orphans of Alien Abductees.
    Don't miss this Signature Siege Event!
    Ghost Hosted by DeadBob.

    The Perilous Inquirer
    Vol. 1, 52nd Issue
    3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
    News & Booze!
    Free current issues are on the "News" steward.
    Free named liquors are on the "Booze" steward.
    Back copies are free on the shop named, "Siege Droppings."
    Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
    Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
    Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

    ~sine die~
    :sad2:
     
  2. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    7,565
    Likes Received:
    314

    Took you two years to wear her down, huh?
     
    DeadBob and kelmo like this.
  3. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2013
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    512
    I am forever prone to trouble.. *sighs*
     
  4. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    7,565
    Likes Received:
    314
    There is no trouble that can't be solved by throwing wave after wave of meat shields at it.
     
    Victim of Siege likes this.
  5. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2013
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    512
    Yes.. just like them succubus, deamons, imps, mongbats, oh oh and the Queen Succubus...
     
  6. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    7,565
    Likes Received:
    314
    Don't forget the gargoyles. I think they had the highest killcount of all.

    I was casting so many resurrections that it even interrupted my jaunty tune.

    Ah, so many corpses. Good times.
     
    Dust_Priest, Kattasrophe and Pignasty like this.
  7. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2013
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    512
    Okay Fine.. them Gargoyals were mean..
     
  8. Kattasrophe

    Nothing But Trouble

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2013
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    512
    Deadbob.. that 52 volume set of the Perilous Inquirer is mine.. just sayin :p
     
  9. Tjalle

    Tjalle Grand Inquisitor
    Professional Stratics Veteran Campaign Supporter Gilfane

    Joined:
    May 12, 2008
    Messages:
    4,847
    Likes Received:
    1,305
    Last issue?
     
  10. Hoffs

    Hoffs Gilfane Keeper of the Hall
    Stratics Veteran Gilfane

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,051
    Likes Received:
    459
    o7 (*salutes job done by Bob this past year*)
     
    DeadBob likes this.
  11. kelmo

    kelmo Old and in the way
    Professional Stratics Veteran Alumni Dread Lord

    Joined:
    May 12, 2008
    Messages:
    17,376
    Likes Received:
    4,692
    *applauds*
     
    DeadBob likes this.
  12. startle

    startle Siege... Where the fun begins.
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Gilfane

    Joined:
    Feb 29, 2004
    Messages:
    3,279
    Likes Received:
    1,263
    Once again, well done, DB !
    You MUST return...........:cool:
     
    DeadBob likes this.