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Gnome Bowling Gold Medalist Looking for a 5-peat!

Discussion in 'WoW WotLK Beta' started by nerdicusrex, Aug 15, 2008.

  1. nerdicusrex

    nerdicusrex Guest

    <b>Gnome Bowling Gold Medalist Looking for a 5-peat!</b>

    Orgrimmar-- Four time gold medalist and current Gnome Bowling world record holder, Grok, will face stiff competition at this year's Alterac Valley Games.

    Two years ago, Grok was nearly unseated at the Wintergrasp Games by a young upstart Tauren. Awata Bighoof, with his 50 inch horn spread, has all the tools necessary to get some impressive hang times on the long distance tosses. Renowned Gnome Bowling trainer Durg had this to offer, "the more accurate you are on the distance tosses, the easier it is to get points when they start running."

    For those unfamiliar with the finer points of Gnome Bowling, judges love to give extra points when you hit a Gnome who thinks he's escaped only to turn around to see another mustachioed midget flying straight at him. Judges tend to chuckle gleefully at the high pitched squeals resulting from such a toss.

    Bighoof leads the field of those looking to take down the nigh invincible Orc in AV this year. Grok, however, has his own advantages. He ultimately defeated the bovine blaster to retain his number one ranking at Wintergrasp. Noone can skip a Gnome quite like Grok several Dwarves note. The Dwarves asked their names be withheld citing political concerns.

    With a good toss, a competitor can skip a Gnome five or six times. Get the angle just right and you've got Gnomes flying everywhere. Grok has told reporters he also likes to use the little fat ones. "Gnomes are quick, and every extra inch counts when they scatter." It is also a well known fact that fat Gnomes bounce. Grok says "you can't beat the extra points you earn from an out of control bouncer, especially if they have one of those little pointy hats on. I just love watching those little buggers trying to hold onto their hats!"

    Meanwhile, protests over the sport continue from the leper gnomes of Gnomeregan to the ever elusive sand gnomes of the Terokkar Wastes and every faction in between. It seems there is finally an issue that has united all of the ankle biters. But, nobody's listening. As the Alliance's charity case, Ironforge and Stormwind would like nothing more than to have the whole race out of their hair for good. Explorers' League founder and notable Dwarf, Muradin Bronzebeard, has been quoted saying "Gnomes are nothing but a boil of the butt of the Alliance." Political fallout from that drunken revelation resulted in assurances from King Magni Bronzebeard that comments by his younger brother should not be considered to represent any official statement as to which part of the Alliance anatomy Gnomes belong.

    The Horde has its own reasons to despise Gnomes. Warsong Supply Officer Kelm Hargunth recently noted "I can't tell you how many boots I've had to just scrap where the Outriders don't watch where they're walking. They step on a Gnome and POP! Have you ever tried to pick Gnome brains out of chainmail?"

    Famed Troll chef, Zamja, noted "I thrown out all my gnome recipes, mon! I keep gettin pink ponytail Gnomes. I tink dey must be born spoiled. Dey taste horrible!"

    Games officials in Gadgetzan offered no comment on the protests.

    Will the attitudes of the other races have any impact on the longevity of Gnome Bowling in the games? Only time will tell. For now we will watch Grok compete for an incredible fifth gold medal and try not to laugh too hard at the squeaks.

    --Aireyn, Level 70 Priest, reporting for the Undercity News Service.