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[News] Tuesday Tales

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by Guest, Feb 22, 2006.

  1. Guest

    Guest Guest

    <table border="1" width="100%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFFF66"> <tr> <td> <table border="1" width="100%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFFF66"> <tr> <td width="201">[​IMG]</td> <td> <p align="center">[​IMG]</td> <td width="201">[​IMG]</td> </tr> </table>


    [​IMG]loorboards creaked and groaned under the combined weight of the ever-growing number of patrons of the Golden Unicorn Tavern this week, and some were heard to say that if this continued, a petition will have to be sent to Luna, to have the bagball arena relocated to the Shire!</p>


    First to take the floor this week was newcomer Hunter, suitably impressed by the hospitality of Siege, and eager to share recent experiences with all.</p>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#99FF33"> <tr> <td width="657"> <p align="center">&quot;When I came to UO&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Hunter</p></td> <td>[​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#99FF33"> <tr> <td>
    [​IMG]ow This is about when i came to UO
    I've played many games before
    Always a newbie getting scammed ripped off
    something pathetic by older players

    But when I came
    I would say Help plz
    I would have people sometimes fighting to help me
    I have one person who dedicated one day to helping me
    Lord Geldwin </p>

    he helped me go gain skills
    Showed me around
    And in the end gave me one million gold
    To this I raise my beer
    To the good player of UO </p>

    </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    Well done to Lord Geldwin for his generosity, and Hunter for braving the stage!</p>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#99FFCC"> <tr> <td width="663"> <p align="center">Spider Bitten </p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Spyderbite</p></td> <td> [​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#99FFCC"> <tr> <td>
    [​IMG]nce again, this is from Mandolin's memoirs.

    I read this tonight, because it is my own story.
    In the tradition of Gil's best tales.. I tell my story
    through Mando's words. </p>
    In his own words, he writes:

    You see, he and I were sitting in Kelmo's tavern
    the other night, putting back some ales when
    he noticed the dark look on his face.
    "Why the scowl? Is all that black you wear finally
    effecting your mood as well?", I snickered.
    He looked back at me and sighed, completely out
    of character for the Spyder we all know.

    "Forgive me my little friend, I fear I am dampening
    our evening", he replied with a hint of a smile.

    In an effort to change the subject quickly, I said,
    "Tell me more about you, for example how did you
    come to call yourself SpyderBite?".

    With a chuckle he laid a hand on my shoulder,
    "It is not a happy tale, Mando. Not like your jovial
    yarns. But, I shall tell you of it none the less".
    He took a deep draw on his ale and began his story.
    "I was only 8 years of age at the time. My family
    lived out side of Vesper along the shoreline.
    My brother and I were chasing wisps in the woods one
    Spring afternoon while our father was out fishing."

    "My brother, called Tobin, had hidden rather well
    and I was having a difficult time tracking him down.
    Deeper and deeper, I ventured in to the woods.
    I heard the heavy footsteps of an ogre, and hurridly
    headed back the direction I had come when suddenly
    the earth vanished beneath me and I fell."

    "During my descent I struck my head and do not recall
    landing on the surface below me. When I awoke, my head
    swam and my vision was blurred. I could only hear
    the odd squeaks and clicks of something moving about
    a short distance away. My sight began to return to
    me and I was instantly wrought with fear at what
    stood over me."

    "A spider the size of a llama worked its fangs viciously,
    dripping venom upon the floor of the cavern. I scrambled
    backwards to escape the beast until my back was against
    the wall. Behind the monster, I saw others of its like
    gathering, hungrily stepping over each other to get to
    me. They swarmed on me all at once and the first painful
    bite in my side was enough to send me into darkness."

    "Pain wracked my body when I once again gained conciousness.
    I heard voices, but could only make out 'uk v'drin?'.
    Another one in the room said 'rivvil waelin'.
    Cold hands touched my forhead, words of power were spoken
    and the pain began to fade. 'uk orn dro?' spoke the first.
    'Siyo uk zhah orbb tril' replied the second. Both were women
    I could discern. The first much older than the second."

    "'Where am I?' I struggled to ask.
    'You are safe young boy', said the younger one in a thick
    dialect that was alien to me, 'the venom of so many spiders
    should have killed you'."
    "'Mri'Kulssin, take him to your family's home. There he shall
    be cared for'. They spoke in my own tongue for my benefit I
    could only assume.

    'But, what about my family? Can't you take me to them?', I was
    beginning to panic and the pain was returning to my bones.
    'Young one, you have fallen too far to return in your state',
    said the elder woman, 'we sent scouts to determine if there
    were more of you rivven about', her features were beginning
    to become clearer in the low lit room. Dark skin and stark
    white hair surrounded the ancient, yet still beautiful face,
    'The scouts were confronted by several shinduago xellased,
    or surface dwellers I mean', she sighed and laid a hand on
    my forhead again, 'none of your kin survived'."

    "The younger of the two stepped into the candlelight. She
    was beautiful in her own way, 'I am Mri'Kulssin', she said,
    'You will stay with my family, Spider Bitten'." She held my
    hand as I wept long in to the night.
    "I stayed with Mri'Kulssin's family, learning their ways,
    their language, their customs. I was tutored in the arts of
    poisoning, stealth and a bit of the arcane. Mri'Kulssin oversaw
    my upbringing like a watchful sister. She also was very aware
    that I was not ilythiiri or Drow as we call them. She watched
    me struggle with my desire to walk the surface again. And, when
    I was 16 years of age, she took me from the compound and to the

    "'Go little one', she said while packing my horse with supplies,
    'Go the one I've named Spyder Bite', she continued in broken

    "I rode out of the forest, and towards my home. Half way there,
    I turned my mare, realizing I had no family left but for those
    who dwelled beneath the surface. I rode hard towards the
    well in which I had fallen into 8 years earlier only to find
    it sealed beneath a mound of sandstone."

    Spyder stared into his ale as if it weren't there, as I tried
    to absorb the story I'd just heard. We trudged off to his home,
    leaning on each other for support as the ale was heavy in our
    heads. When I dropped him on to his bed, he spoke, almost
    inaudiblely.. 'Mri'Kulssin, I am Elg'Cahl'.

    So are the words written by Mandolin.. </td> </tr> </table> </div> <p align="left">And so we moved from Mandolins to Pangolins, as the next tale began.</p> </div>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FF9933"> <tr> <td width="82%"> <p align="center">&quot; - The Prologue&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Pangolin</p></td> <td width="16%"> [​IMG] </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"> <p align="center"><font size="2">Dedication: &quot;to my father, who is no more.&quot;</font></td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FF9933"> <tr> <td>
    [​IMG]eep faith in the darkest hours
    When the holy light is gone
    Be unbreakable, as the Zento Towers
    Fight the battles of honor, my son

    Let the sword speak your words
    And be brave until the end
    Even when they come in hordes
    Remember, they stole our land

    Their citizens will roam and whine
    When you do not hestitate to kill
    Those who shelter behind enemy line
    For they pay their armies bill!

    But show compassion after death
    No need to become what you fight
    Show them our ways instead
    This way we defeat the night

    </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    </p> </div>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFCC00"> <tr> <td width="459"> <p align="center">The Dragon Rider Saga</p> <p align="center">Part VI - &quot;Decisions&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Yancey DeFlorio</p> </td> <td> <p align="center">[​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFCC00"> <tr> <td>
    [​IMG]ustin searched for days, it seemed,
    Still he found no sign
    Of the friend that he grew up with,
    Whose lives were intertwined.

    All at once he felt the pain,
    It shot right through his heart,
    It brought The Rider to his knees
    As it tore his chest apart.

    When a rider or a dragon
    Die before their sworn,
    The lifeline that connects them both
    In heart and mind is torn.

    The life they shared together
    As one wont be the same,
    Two candles light the darkness
    Better than a single flame.

    Justin knew it right away,
    He looked up to the sky,
    Tears were running down his face
    As he cried, Orn, please don't die.

    Our lives were short together,
    Don't leave me here alone.
    I cant do this without you,
    I cant do this on my own.

    Images flew through Orn's mind,
    Wrapped around him like a spell --
    His memories of Justin,
    The last ones of Roshelle.

    He felt his life-blood fading,
    Growing weaker all the time.
    Soon it would be over,
    Into darkness he would climb.

    His mission was so meaningless,
    The shield was now lost.
    A disappointment of his kind,
    The lives his failing cost.

    Orn, this is The Princess.
    You will not die in shame,
    For the guardian you've beaten --
    Now the shield is ours to claim.

    Justin will be proud of you,
    You're a legend in your right.
    Now connect with him, he calls you,
    He must not lose this fight.

    You're the only one he'll trust,
    He must rise above the pain.
    Many lives depend on him,
    Otherwise, its all in vain."

    Orn took down the cloak he wore,
    He let his rider in --
    The wall he had to put in place
    So he could not follow him.

    Right away their thoughts met,
    Justin's cries were Orn's to hear.
    They both knew that they would lose
    Someone they both held dear.

    Justin, I am sorry.
    Please listen to what I say.
    I'm not sure how much time I've left,
    But you will fight another day.

    This darkness that is coming
    Will tear our land in two.
    Its already killed your family
    And its taken me from you.

    You cannot let this demon win,
    Its you that must prevail,
    For the essence of our way of life,
    Please tell me you wont fail.

    NO! Wait!" screamed Justin,
    "Ill come and you will see.
    Orn, you can not leave me --
    Orn I beg you please!

    "So long, my friend," Orn softly said,
    But every thing must die.
    Just know how much I loved you
    And now, my friend, goodbye."

    "I loved you too," Justin wept,
    I will fight this till the end
    And the thing that has taken you
    Will feel my sword's revenge."

    Justin fell upon the ground,
    Tears flowed free from him.
    All at once he felt alone --
    Orn was gone again.

    Orn felt his spirit fly,
    His soul no longer bound,
    But then, he felt it pulling back
    As his head was turned around.

    &quot;Where is it that you think you go?&quot;
    He heard a voice within,
    And when he opened up his eyes,
    There was Tamarin

    His body lay in Blood Lake,
    A solid ball of flames.
    The madness in his eyes was gone,
    Free of the demons bane.

    Orn, I need to thank you,
    Said Tamarin, quietly.
    My death released the darkness hold,
    My soul is now set free.

    Now, I will give what I have left
    So one of us will live,
    And maybe, someday, you'll think back
    In order to forgive.

    Next, blue light surrounded them,
    As two life-forces became one.
    Then, the last thing Orn heard Tamarin say:
    I'm proud that you're my son."

    Our past may be our prison,
    Unless the ties, we break --
    To start our lives anew today
    By the choices that we make.... </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    Yancey's announcement that next week's tale would be the final chapter was met with sorrow and dismay.
    I am sure this finest of bards will not disappoint, though, and continue to keep us returning for more and more of his ballads, as his words work their magic on us. Who says that the spell of recall does not function in our lands? Methinks Yancey has found the secret. </p> </div>

    Now, as to this next piece... could someone please distract Kelmo and Dor a while? I would hate to have all these fine tales lost, if any leap to the same conclusion as the Unicorn's patrons, and summon our noble moderators with cries of 'Cow Porn!'</p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFFF66"> <tr> <td width="597" background="http://uo.stratics.com/newspics/siege/blind_otto_siege_backgrounds_cowspots.gif"> <p align="center">&quot;Cows&quot;</p> <p align="center">Chapter VIII</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Blind Otto</p> </td> <td background="http://uo.stratics.com/newspics/siege/blind_otto_siege_backgrounds_cowspots.gif"> [​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#C0C0C0"> <tr> <td>
    [​IMG]t was hard to remember.

    She remembered fleeing down the alley.
    She remembered the feelings of revulsion that
    the man in grey brought to life in her.
    She remembered the primal need to flee from him,
    to get as far away, as fast as possible.

    She remembered thinking that she had escaped,
    and hoping that she was safe.
    The tingling sensation at the back of her neck
    told her that she was not alone.

    Looking all around her, moving quietly,
    but quickly, yet seeing no one, hearing nothing,
    she had been surprised when she turned ...
    ...and it was simply there.

    It was huge, the colour of iron and granite,
    and its presence was like a wall between her and the entire world.
    A thing of nightmare, huge, horned, and radiating power...
    She'd never truly known sheer terror until that moment.
    She'd flung up her hands to protect herself - to no avail.

    She didn't remember it moving,

    it just simply had her, held fast, in the next instant.

    And it looked at her. Into her.
    Black eyes so deep she'd feared she'd fall forever within them.
    Somehow, at the brink of the abyss, she'd torn her eyes away.
    It held her that way, looking at her,
    as if appraising her worth.

    The rest of the world beyond this beast seemed the slip away.
    Still it studied her, judging her.
    Steel sinews furling and flexing,
    and all the while it did so she felt smaller and smaller,
    as if she were shrinking under its weighing gaze.
    She began to tremble and found she'd lowered her head,
    all she could bring herself to face was the ground at her feet.
    She felt utterly helpless and worthless...

    and yet some part of her sparked in rebellion at the thought.
    She was not worthless, she was not some insignificant speck!
    And that spark became a flame, igniting embers of defiance.

    She lifted her head, trembling still,
    yet pushing her shoulders back and eyes wide,
    she looked this horned beast in the eye.

    "Leave me alone!" she shouted,
    but her voice came out only a whisper.

    It had turned its head at that,
    regarding her fully with a single eye,
    much the way a bull does the cow, she thought in fear.
    And she'd sworn she heard it's thoughts in her own mind,
    thinking "you will have to do."

    and that it something like a grin crossed it's face.
    But she couldn't remember for sure,
    for in the next moment both of them shot towards the sky,
    and its strange arms engulfed her,
    pulling her against its massive stone-like chest.

    She was surprised to find that she could feel
    each hard muscle moving and rippling under
    its strange metallic skin.
    After watching the huge mechanical beasts earlier,
    she had expected this creature to feel like plate mail,
    or a shield, or helmet - but this...
    ...this was alive.

    In spite of herself, she looked it's entire form up and down.

    Suddenly the wind stung her eyes.
    She looked down and realized they were in the air,
    and gasped at how high they already were.
    The winds that whipped at them tore her simple
    robe to shreds, and she could hardly draw breath.

    She buried her face in the beast's chest and clung to it.
    She tried to scream....

    Her world went black - she had no idea how long for.

    But when she awoke, she was lying naked on an altar before it.
    She had no idea where she was,
    but she knew it was some place high.
    It looked like the top of one of the old forts.

    The ancient stone work was almost the same colour
    as this massive beast that held her in its gaze.
    With a bull-like snort, steam rose from it's nostrils
    into the night air. It stepped forward...

    ...and stopped, it's eyes level with hers.

    She felt the cold, hard, stone behind her and beneath her,
    and wished it would swallow her up, so she could escape.

    Before her, the beast simply stood, and gazed at her.
    It's strange face was expressionless.
    the cords that bound her fell aside.
    But how? The beast had not touched them.
    No one else was here.

    She did not have long to ponder this.

    It reached out, and held her in it's arms - not roughly,
    but tenderly, gently.

    The heat from its embrace filled her,
    and kept her from shivering despite the night air.
    A tingling sensation followed its claws
    when they brushed against her flesh.

    Somewhere beyond the terror that tried to consume her,
    she marvelled at how something so powerful could be so gentle.
    Fear took hold of her again,
    as unwanted images of what the creature
    was about to do to her cascaded through her mind.

    She was young, and had not yet known much more intimacy than
    a brief fondling behind the cow shed with the butcher's son -
    which had been shamefully interrupted when her mother
    appeared on the scene.

    The mental images of the beast's intentions were torn asunder
    as she remembered her poor mother, squashed to death by the hoof
    of the huge metal beast earlier.

    But then, she was brought swiftly back to the present,
    as the creature lifted her, and positioned her on the altar again.
    Just as she was drawing in a breath for the loudest scream in
    all of Sosaria's history, it spoke.

    "Mother." it said to her.

    This was too much. She passed out again.

    Her last thought was that she knew this nightmarish beast
    would watch over her and protect her for the moment.

    But, just before blackness fully overwhelmed her thoughts,
    she wondered... "Why?"

    </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    What &quot;Cow Pour'n?&quot; Where? I find no trace of that term in the dictionaries of Sosaria!</p>

    *quickly crafts shield of ban reflection*</p>

    Moving on....</p> </div>

    Naamah read a short passage from a book she had found, before a passing warlock cast the curse of the keyboard at her. Still - she did provide me with a copy of the book, and it is presented below.</p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFFF66"> <tr> <td width="609"> <p align="center">&quot;Evil I love to Hate&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Naamah</p></td> <td> [​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFCC66"> <tr> <td> <p align="center"> [​IMG]











    </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    Naamah, if I may offer help - and save myself from spending too much time fighting with an annoying picture imp - most of the story tellers make use of a tool named <a target="_blank" href=http://uo.stratics.com/uowedding/>UOWedding</a>, to avoid the plague of carpal tunnel, and the curse of the melted keyboard.</p>

    I would be more than happy to help you learn its use, if ye are in need of assistance.</p>

    Thank ye for the tale - and I hope the minor setback this week will not keep you from the tavern door in weeks to come!</p>


    Next, Gilfond gave us what he referred to as &quot;a short tale&quot;...</p> </div>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#008080"> <tr> <td width="459"> <p align="center"></p> <p align="center">&quot;Fear of Sailing&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Gilfond Skyling</p> <p align="center"></td> <td>[​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#66FF99"> <tr> <td>
    I at one time feared the open ocean
    it was a fear inspired by nothing more then ignorance
    As a Knight I was given a task to face some of my fears
    the sea was the biggest one
    and so i choose that as my fear
    I went to lord Py and told him of it and he gave me my first knight quest
    to sail around the whole Sosaria

    so I prepared myself to set out from Skara docks
    for my house at the time was close to Skara
    i set sail north
    from Skara
    i was afraid
    to step on that boat
    deathly afraid.

    I thought I might faint, but I took faith in Mithras and stepped on the boat
    i told the tiller man my destination and he started me on my course
    i sailed north the sea air in my hair and face
    it wasn't so bad
    I could feel the boat roll under me, and many times i almost lost my footing, but i was too agile
    to fall
    I felt this wasn't so bad
    so i reached the northeast edge of the country
    and sailed west towards yew
    I decided to cut my time sailing down a bit and took the bridge under the yew prisons
    but at this time it was overrun by ratmen and orges and orcs and bandits
    and a few bandits decided to try and steal my boat

    i would not let them take it and soon 4 dead bandits were on the deck of my boat
    i tossed there bodies over board and thought how easy it was to clean up messes at sea
    still west I sailed

    To my horror the water suddenly rose up ahead of me
    in an elemental form
    it struck at me with magic but I sailed near it and got my war fork into it
    a few good blows broke the magic that binded it together
    and it shattered in an explosion of water getting me soaked

    i laughed and enjoyed it
    this wasn't so bad!
    westwards I sailed

    but to my horror a serpent from the deep rose up
    to steal me of my life
    i quickly put it down with a few well place stabs
    after dispatching the sea serpent
    i set off westward

    a few more water elementals rose up to meet me but were quickly put down
    i finally reached the north west edge of the land
    and sailed south
    south down past minoc
    farther south i sailed
    i came around the edge of the peninsular there east of vesper
    i mean west
    no it is east
    o my I've gotten my directions all wrong
    I went north of Skara then east from there
    then south
    then I sailed west towards vesper
    I sailed south of vesper
    until I reached an area that was closest to Valor

    You see, I had to sail to Valor to recite the knights code
    and this was a big fear
    out in the the open ocean i was to go
    for up till now I've been close to land
    but now i had to go out into the open ocean

    i readied myself and set sail
    south towards Valor isle
    i reached it and disembarked
    i walked towards the valor shrine
    i had to go through giant serpents
    dark wisps
    and mongbats
    all fell before my warfork

    i stood on the shrine of Valor and recited the Knight code
    upon reciting it i had completed that part of my quest and set back to my boat
    west i sailed again
    and then north i sailed at the edge of the land
    it was a pleasant journey and I felt relieved
    for i had defeated a fear beyond measure
    and felt good at that
    as I pulled up to the skara docks I felt regret for leaving my boat
    and knew I would sail again </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    That was the short version. I hear that some strange thing called the 'director's cut' is in the works, whatever that may be. </p>


    Angharad then got feet a tapping, and ale a flowing, with a song!</p> </div>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#CC9900"> <tr> <td width="658"> <p align="center"></p> <p align="center">&quot;Alcoholic's Anthem&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Angharad</p> <p align="center"></td> <td> [​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#CC9900"> <tr> <td>
    What's the use of drinking tea,
    Indulging in sobriety,
    And teetotal perversity?
    It's healthier to booze.

    What's the use of milk and water?
    These are drinks that never oughter
    Be allowed in any quarter.
    Come on, lose your blues;

    Mix yourself a shandy,
    Drown yourself in brandy,
    Sherry sweet, or whiskey neat,
    Or any kind of liquor that is handy

    There's no blinking sense in drinking,
    Anything that doesn't make you stinking -
    There's no happiness like sinking,
    Blotto, to the floor.

    Put an end to all frustration,
    Drinking may be your salvation -
    End it all in dissipation,
    Rotten, to the core.

    Aberrations metabolic,
    Ceilings that are hyperbolic,
    There are for the alcoholic,
    Lying on the floor.

    Vodka for the arty,
    Gin to make you hearty;
    Lemonade was only made
    For if your mother's at the party

    Steer clear of home-made beer,
    And anything that isn't labelled clear -
    There is nothing else to fear,
    Bottoms' up, my boys! </td> </tr> </table> </div>


    Abel then tried to tell a few jokes.</p>

    I had not taken the advice of Angharad's anthem - perhaps I should have before listening to them.</p>

    In any regard... here they are!</p> </div>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FF99CC"> <tr> <td width="685"> <p align="center">Jokes (?)</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Abel</p></td> <td>[​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FF99CC"> <tr> <td>
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Because the birds laughed at him.

    Why do cows moo?
    Because the grass grows slow.

    So an old man walked into a bar
    And he said yo homey
    So then the beer bottle magically flew at him

    So why did Santa die?
    cause he was too fat
    Why was he too fat you ask?
    Cause he ate too many cookies.

    <font size="2">['joke' removed in interest of good taste] </font>

    Why did your mom invite me over?
    To eat dinner. </td> </tr> </table> </div>


    Hrm. Yes. Well.</p>

    NEXT!</p> </div>

    </p> <p align="left">Thankfully, the next offering came from someone who does have a sense of truth, honour and courage. </p> <p align="left">To the surprise of many, Py Lethius appeared at the podium, and presented this fine offering:</p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"> <tr> <td width="639"> <p align="center">&quot;The Death Lay of Bowie Gizzardsbane&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Py Lethius</p></td> <td> [​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"> <tr> <td>
    I give you The Death Lay of Bowie Gizzardsbane

    Harsh that hearing for Houston the Raven:
    Fools had enfeebled the fortress at Bexar,
    Leaving it lacking and looted the while
    Hordes were sweeping swift on his land,
    Hell-bent to crush him.

    The cunning old prince
    Did not though, despair at danger's onrushing;
    Hardy with peril, he held it, perused it,
    Reading each rune of it. Reaching the facts, he
    Thumbed through his thanes and thought of the one
    Whose guts and grey matter were grafted most neatly.
    "Riders!" he rasped, "to race after Bowie!"

    "Bowie," he barked when that bearcat of heroes
    Bowed to his loved prince, "Bexar must be ours
    Or no one must have it. So hightail, burn leather!
    Hold me that fortress or fire it and raze it.
    Do what you can or else do what you must."
    Fame has its fosterlings, free of all limits
    Boxing all others, and Bowie was one of them.
    Who has not heard of the Knights of Mithras?

    Fifty were warriors, but he fought the best,
    Wielding a long knife, a nonesuch of daggers
    Worthy of Wayland. That weapon had chewed
    The entrails of dozens. In diverse pitched battles
    That thane had been leader; by land and by sea
    Winning such treasure that trolls, it is said,
    Closed hills out of fear he'd frisk them of silver.

    Racing now westward, he rode into Bexar,
    Gathered the garrison, gave them his orders:
    "Houston the Raven is raising a host;
    Time's what he asks while he tempers an army.
    Never give up this gate to our land.
    Hold this door fast, though death comes against us."

    The flood of the foemen flowed up to Bexar,
    Beat on the dam braced there to contain it.
    But Wyrd has no fosterlings; favors no clients;
    Bowie the war-wise, winner of battles,
    Laid out by fever, lost his first combat,
    Melting with death. Yet the might of his spirit
    Kept a tight grip on the trust he'd been given.

    "Buy time my bucks," he told his companions.
    "Be proud of the price, our prince is the gainer."
    Bold thanes were with him, thirsty for honor,
    Schooled well for battle and versed in all weapons;
    Avid for slaughter there; each against thirty,
    They stood on the walls and struck for their chieftans,
    Houston and Bowie, the bearcat of heroes,
    Twelve days they ravaged the ranks of the foemen,
    Tens, though can't harrow the hundreds forever
    That tide had to turn, Tiredly the thanes
    Blocked two wild stormings and bled them to death.

    The third had the drive of Thor's mighty hammer,
    Roared at the walls and rose to spill over,
    Winning the fort. But the foemen must pay,
    Heroes were waiting them, hardy at killing,
    Shaken no whit, though sure they were lost.
    Ten lives for one was the tariff for entry;
    And no man got credit. </p>

    Crushed and split skulls,
    Blasted off limbs and lathers of blood
    Were the money they soughted and minted themselves-
    Worth every ounce of the weregild they asked.
    *takes a sup*
    Of every eleven, though, one was a hero
    Turned to a corpse there. Cornered and hopeless,
    They strove while they yet stood, stabbing and throttling,
    Meeting the bear's death, dying while fighting.
    Chieftans of prowess, not chary of slaying,
    Led and fell with them. </p>

    Alone by the wall,
    Travis, the red-maned, the truest of warriors,
    Pierced through the pate and pouring out blood,
    Kept death marking time, defied it until
    His sword again sank, sucking blood from a foeman.
    Content then, he ended. </p>

    So also died Crockett,
    Who shaved with a star and stamped to make earthquakes,
    Kimball, the leader of loyal riders,
    Bonham whose vow was valor's own hallmark.
    Crazed by their losses, the conquerors offered
    No truce to cadavers; the corpses were stabbed
    In hopes that life's spark would be spared to afford them
    Seconds on killing. </p>

    Then some, taking count,
    Bawled out that Bowie was balking them still;
    Like weasels in warrens they wound through the fort,
    Hunting the hero they hated the most.
    Least of the lucky, at last some found him,
    Fettered to bed by the fever and dying,
    Burnt up and shrunken, a shred of himself.

    Gladly they rushed him, but glee became panic.
    Up from the grip of the grave, gripping weapons,
    Gizzardsbane rose to wreak his last slaughter,
    Killing, though killed. </p>

    Conquered, he won.
    In brief is the death lay of Bowie, the leader
    Who laid down his life for his lord and ring giver,
    Holding the doorway for Houston the Raven,
    Pearl among princes, who paid in the sequel;
    Never was vassal avenged with more slayings! </p>

    </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    So taken by this tale were those in the street without, they tried to re-enact the battle... but were quietly referred to a good theatre in Britain, there to polish their acting skills.</p>

    The votes were called, and the prize went, as well it should, to the penultimate chapter of the Dragon Rider Saga!</p>

    Yancey then drew the evening to a close with this offering:</p> </div>

    </p> <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#99CCFF"> <tr> <td width="685"> <p align="center">&quot;The Domino Jester&quot;</p> <p align="center">by</p> <p align="center">Yancey DeFlorio</p></td> <td>[​IMG] </td> </tr> </table>
    <div align="center"> <table border="1" width="80%" bordercolorlight="#FF0000" bordercolordark="#FF3300" bgcolor="#99CCFF"> <tr> <td>
    The Domino Jester
    gaily pranced
    bedecked with bells
    and impish grin.
    With a strutting
    and impious wit,
    he mocked maid,
    knight and crown.

    With reckless impunity
    gathering mirth
    like miser's coins,
    the fool went on
    lost in his role
    and lost his head
    one ill-blessed day
    when a jest went wrong. </p>

    Now that head,
    upon a pike
    strands outside
    the city gate.
    All flesh is stripped
    by raven folk;
    and still the skull
    grins at its fate. </p>

    Now you would think
    there'd be a dearth
    of fools to claim
    so dread a station,
    But the opening
    was filled at once
    by a half-wit in need
    of a vocation. </p>

    And in the long
    cold winter nights,
    when hearts hide
    from spectres grim,
    they say a phantom
    strolls the dark,
    hunting laughter
    once again. </p>

    </td> </tr> </table> </div>

    'twas good to meet so many once more last night!</p>

    I regret the late hour at which this report is offered - but there was little I could do to avoid it.</p>

    Still - I hope the tales are made the better for the waiting!</p>


    What's that Kelmo? Cows? I haven't seen any cows. I've not seen much of anything, come to that. </p>

    Hmm. Tell you what - you turn a blind eye to the cows, and I'll not mention what I heard about certain sheep. Good? Good!</p>


    Remember, Story Night occurs every Tuesday - feel free to come along if you want a break from the tedium of killing and being killed repeatedly!</p>

    </p> </div> [​IMG]



    </p></td> </tr> </table>
  2. Guest

    Guest Guest


    Oh my, the creative sig opportunities!

    *waves image file*

    Kat...oh Kat, BOTH Kats, I think Spyder wants a new sig!


  3. Mandolin

    Mandolin Guest


    Oh my, the creative sig opportunities!

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Nope.. its no good.. won't do. He's not flexing in Castor-esque fashion. [​IMG]
  4. He's flexing something all right... just not his arms. I think it's called 'the bounds of good taste'.

    *goes to smack Otto with a copy of 'a guide to better dressed superheroes'*

    Of course, it's probably just a clever diversion to draw attention away from his sudden interest in cows. When I suggested that he wasn't really doing the female point of view justice in his ongoing story, that was NOT what I had in mind!
  5. imported_Falon of Eldor

    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

    Jan 29, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Thank you Blind Otto for the information. Sorry about the pic imp. I will be better prepared next time. There are 3 more books to that one to follow!
  6. Katharine

    Katharine Guest

    How come Py didn't win simply for showing up?! *chuckles* Wish I could have been there but sadly that thing called work kept me away [​IMG]

    *waves to Py* Welcome back!
  7. Guest

    Guest Guest


    How come Py didn't win simply for showing up?! *chuckles*

    [/ QUOTE ]Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

    Nor should you win a story competition just for waltzing in... [​IMG]
  8. Katharine

    Katharine Guest



    How come Py didn't win simply for showing up?! *chuckles*

    [/ QUOTE ]Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

    Nor should you win a story competition just for waltzing in... [​IMG]

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Yes but this is Py!!! Helloooo..... *chuckles* Py should win just for showing up since we haven't seen him in forever cause he's been on that place that shall not be named [​IMG]
  9. Guest

    Guest Guest

    You are a sweet for saying so... However, I am a one-trick pony thus far at story-telling, rehashing what I think is a good tale and one of my favorites, but it is a borrowed tale not of my making. I have not the time for crafting my own... and I am no Maker, that honor belongs to such as Otto and Siofra.
  10. Guest

    Guest Guest

    [/ QUOTE ]Yes but this is Py!!! Helloooo..... *chuckles* Py should win just for showing up since we haven't seen him in forever cause he's been on that place that shall not be named [​IMG]

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Ahem, it is CWS Story Night, not a Py-pularity contest! We can be glad to see him without provoking outrage amongst the Siege storytellers.

    Although...now that I think about it, perhaps he should have been ganked for telling one of his oldest stories on his Story Night re-debut [​IMG].

  11. Katharine

    Katharine Guest

    Oh bah, you coulda sang your ABC's and I still would say you should win. [​IMG] cause you came back. Always thrilled to see old friends or any old players for that matter wander back home [​IMG]

    Welcome back Py! I'll drop by Wintermoor at some point one evening just to see if I can annoy ya... *coughs* I mean say hi! [​IMG]
  12. Guest

    Guest Guest

    *smiles* Good to see you out and about, old man.
  13. Katharine

    Katharine Guest

    Shhhhh I'm starting a fan club! hehehe Cept I dunno, maybe Py being back aint so great, cause then ifn there's a battle somewhere just gonna have him bossing everyone around and ... stuff! Sooo many pro/cons here *sighs* hehe
  14. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Until such time as Knight Lethius is ready to asume the High Seat of Wintermoor, I'll be doing the bossing around, thank you very much. He spent the last year on a Sojourn to discover where home really is. Much has changed and will change again shortly, let him become aclimated to the Sosaria of today before forcing him to take upon the heavy mantle of Lord of Wintermoor.
  15. <blockquote><hr>

    not a Py-pularity

    [/ QUOTE ]

    ...oh geez.....
  16. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Yeh what Sio said.............she been doing all the bossing around now, and ye dunwanna get her temper riled, nor her dander up or she will lecture ye in some puzzling numeric bianary lingo, &amp; unless ye from the planet of numerologys or wherever those strange people come from that speak that way here on forum at times in 10000101010 whatevers lingo that is, and ye would never know she said to ye nor ordered ye to do, for penance, but ya know it will be ... BAD !


    trust me, dont get her dander up !! HAR [​IMG]
  17. *starts training alligators just in case there's a py-eating contest*

    Good to have you back sir! Regent Siofra does an amazing job running the Knights, and I see no reason (other than the grey hairs that Otto has probably given her) for her to step down any time soon - but it is good that Wintermoor's elder statesman is back where he belongs.

    Now - the next time you want to get a good tan, there is a nice quiet beach southwards of Trinsic. You knights always go to SUCH great lengths to get the simplest of things done!

    P.S. As a loyal employee, I feel it is the place of this scribe to utterly embarrass... um...*coughs*... ask this one question regarding the blind one.. will there be a knightly title in his future any time soon? I am simply trying to anticipate the atmosphere if he arrives home one day and requires that the halflings and I call him 'Sir Otto'.
    Much laughter, holding of the sides, and rolling about, most likely, but it is always good to be prepared.

    *curtsies politely*
  18. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Can you imagine if Otto were Lord of Wintermoor?

    Fast forward to the next knighting ceremony, where Otto stands and

    *holds up Caliburn, shining in the sun*

    *lowers sword*

    "I dub thee..."

    *hears gurgling sound, and the thump of body hitting the floor*

    Oops...we need another knightly candidate. [​IMG]

  19. Mac on SP

    Mac on SP Guest

    Wonderful reporting of Story Night Otto.

    I do wonder if anyone knows of a story that might have been called "These three things" or something like that. I have heard it only once a long time ago in Wintermoor, but it's ghost lingers in the back of my mind. It had something to do about some ladies that were disgused on a stage trip. During the trip the stage was attacked and the ladies drove off the attackers. They then captured the captain of the guard who had been working with the thiefs and turned him into a woman and sent him to have done to him that which had been done to the ladies in the past.

    Does this tale sound familiar to anyone? Is there a copy of it that can be posted or at the very least told one night in the Shire?
  20. Guest

    Guest Guest


    Ye store has me thinking. I guess ye Mac, and Py and Castor and the other guys best be glad us KSS ladies are not in possession yet of new alien tokens for gender changing and the fact we have no stagecoaches in Wintermoor yet !


  21. Mac on SP

    Mac on SP Guest



    Ye store has me thinking. I guess ye Mac, and Py and Castor and the other guys best be glad us KSS ladies are not in possession yet of new alien tokens for gender changing and the fact we have no stagecoaches in Wintermoor yet !



    [/ QUOTE ]

    One more good reason to give thanks to Mithras
  22. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Cheeky scribe! Promotions are to be earned through endurance, valor, courage and dedication. By letting the true light of the spirit shine through without flickering, and by standing strong against the relentless tides of evil.
    Not to be handed out on the pestering of a half-elven scribe!

    Besides, a title gives no extra protection on the battlefield, nor wisdom in the planning of tactics. It gives no extra compassion to the heart when tending the wounds of others, nor extra wisdom while extracting justice.

    Should any choose to present me with awards at any time, I will humbly accept them, so as not to offend, but they will have no influence on my heart whatsoever. I remain true to my roots, and follow the virtues.

    I would rather my fellows point out my flaws, that I can strive to erase them, than shine light on my strengths. What use is light to a blind man, anyway?

    Now, back in the library with thee! There are scrolls to scribe, and ink pots to clean!
  23. Katharine

    Katharine Guest

    Otto, hope you made some lovely elven couches for your house, I have a feeling your scribe will be directing you to one of those tonight! *snickers* [​IMG]
  24. Guest

    Guest Guest

    That reminds me... Scribe!!! Scribe!!! When you're done cleaning the ink pots, don't forget to change the sheets and do the laundry! While you're at it, clean the stables, and polish the beetles!

    *ducks flying ink pot*
  25. Katharine

    Katharine Guest

    Otto if I stop by Snow Blind sometime and see you out on the snow sleeping on a little couch, I'll know you talked one too many times. [​IMG]
  26. No, Skylark - it's more likely to be ...

    *Otto takes a step forward, to pick up the ancient sword, ready to perform the knighting*



    "INITIATES!!! How many times must I demand that you put RAILINGS around the edge of this roof???"

    Now.. this beetle polishing business...

    *quietly conceals a really large spring underneath Otto's chair, and carefully positions the couch outside*

    *As an afterthought, puts a small red cushion on the couch, with concentric yellow circles lovingly embroidered on it*

    Wax your own beetles, mate. I'm a scribe, not a beetle polisher!

    *footnote*: Anyone looking for Otto or I around here tomorrow isn't too likely to find us - while celebrating 10 wonderful years of RL marriage by playing Ultima may sound fantastic to one or two of you, I have other ideas.
    On top of that, our Internet provider is doing stupid things this week, so we might not be able to log in even if we want to.

    *looks at pouting husband*

    Oh, all right Otto, you can log in for a little while! If the ISP gets it's act together. Sheesh.... men!!!
  27. Katharine

    Katharine Guest

    Oooo HAPPY ANNIVERSARY YOU TWO! *hugs both*
  28. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Congratulations to you both!

    I hope someone will watch the little Ottos and Beatrices for ye so ye can enjoy some time together. Enjoy!

    Thanks to all who gave me a warm welcome, and to all the others, see you on the field! [​IMG]
  29. Wulf2k

    Wulf2k Stratics Legend
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend Crusader of Chaos

    Feb 27, 2004
    Likes Received:

    Thanks to all who gave me a warm welcome, and to all the others, see you on the field!

    [/ QUOTE ]
    That's where I intend to deliver my warm welcome =]
  30. Angharad is my new role model.


    Oh yeah, and congrats on the 10 year thing!

    *patiently waits for the SpyderGut sig to appear*