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OT: History Test

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by Guest, Jan 6, 2008.

  1. Guest

    Guest Guest

    The following were answers provided by 6th graders
    during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of
    the best humor is in the misspelling.

    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all
    wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
    The climate of the Sarah is such that all the
    inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

    2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
    they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
    without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
    Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he
    ever reached Canada.

    3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred

    4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
    without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
    had myths. A myth is a female moth.

    5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around
    giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
    from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
    career suffered a dramatic decline.

    6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
    hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

    7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
    battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
    because they thought he was going to be made king.
    Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

    8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
    by Bernard Shaw.

    9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
    she was a success. When she exposed herself before
    her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

    10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
    Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
    Another important invention was the circulation of
    blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
    because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

    11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a
    100-foot clipper.

    12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
    Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly
    on his birthday. He never made much money and is
    famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
    comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
    pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
    heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by

    13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
    Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author
    was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his
    wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

    14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
    Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
    Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
    of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
    rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse
    divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died
    in 1790 and is still dead.

    15. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
    Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
    was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
    hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
    Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
    1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
    seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
    They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
    supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

    16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
    compositions and had a large number of children. In
    between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
    up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
    Bach was the! most famous composer in the world and so
    was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and
    half English. He was very large.

    17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
    was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
    the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
    Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

    18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
    thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by
    hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
    of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
    up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick ****r,
    which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur
    discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
    naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman
    Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of
    the Marx Brothers.

    COMMENT: And they all got promoted to the seventh
    grade. Which should cause concern in all of us.
  2. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Oh that is too funny !

  3. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Out of the mouths of babes.
  4. ah, that's funny. Future G. Bushes in the making
  5. Noc

    Noc Guest

    Ktorr, are you in 5th grade?
  6. Guest

    Guest Guest

    I remember a story my mother tells to this day. I was in K or 1st and a TA or someone or other came up to her laughing to tell her what I had said in class about what you hear when you hold a sea shell up to your ear. I had said what you hear is your blood circulating and not the ocean. My mother replied "well it is" much to the dumbfoundment of the person.
  7. Guest

    Guest Guest

    i like #18 "Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers"
  8. Guest

    Guest Guest

    No, 7th now.
  9. Lorddog

    Lorddog Crazed Zealot
    Stratics Veteran Stratics Legend

    Oct 25, 2004
    Likes Received:
    heres a good one.

    my wife heard my oldest son squishing ants on a window ceil when he was around 3-4 yrs old. He keep saying GD ants, *squishes*, GD ants *squishes*

    she looked at him very concerned and asked him "what are you saying?!?"

    she finally figured out he was saying "Got Them Ants". If you say it out loud you will see what she heard.

  10. Guest

    Guest Guest

    This list is el oh elz.


    5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around
    giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
    from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
    career suffered a dramatic decline.

    8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
    by Bernard Shaw.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Not sure which is the worse killer, hemlock or wedlock. hmmmmm
    I guess it's safe to say that most people's careers suffer declines upon death, but after a couple thousand years, I think he has a solid posthumous career. He even got to play as himself in a Bill &amp; Ted movie!

    I'm not one for cannibalism, but I might try a piece Joan. That is, if I was around then.