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(Player News) The Perilous Inquirer - Third Issue

Discussion in 'UO Siege Perilous' started by DeadBob, Jul 18, 2013.

  1. DeadBob

    DeadBob Ancient Alien
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    The Perilous Inquirer V1,3
    Vol. 1, Third Issue
    July 19, 2013


    "blah" DECLARES WAR ON EVERYBODY Too New To Defend Themselves
    Lilith says it's fine by her.
    Brand new NEW2 newbs have reportedly lost their birth suits when ganked by NBK members bravely singing, Brave Sir Robin.
    "Any new, minimum statistic, unequipped player who turns his or her back on a gang of NBK is looking for a stomping," said Trix.
    "She gets so excited she soils her armor," Sugar Smacks noted from upwind.

    UO GMs NOT CANNIBALS SAYS UO
    UO spokesperson Woot Woot Barney today denounced as "mere speculation" reports that GMs lured players into a Tokuno wooded area for an Iron Chef Competition. "They were the chefs," Diablo accuses, "And we were the ingredients."
    This reporter stared at the veteran player, as he leaned noticeably to the left in the saddle.
    "What happened?" I asked.
    "It was horrible. Some of us followed runes marked 'Good Food' to a woods. We were jumped by GMs wearing chef's hats & carrying cleavers. They slaughtered several people I knew and popped them into open ovens. Then they danced around adding spices and chanting, 'Kick-it-up-a-notch.'"
    "They chased me," Diablo said, "Yelling, 'Get that one! He's already half baked.'"
    The big man shifted uncomfortably in his saddle, leaned left again and fixed me with his steely eyes. "I can show you proof," he said.
    Diablo looked around carefully. Then he dismounted and mooned me.
    OMG! His left buttock is missing!
    "They almost got me," he said. "It was real close, I tell you."
    But UO spokesperson Woot Woot, even when confronted with this eye witness testimony, dismissed it derisively, saying only, "Well, that evidence is half-arsed, ain't it?"

    TINA TINK interview
    - by Kattasrophe (Age 12)
    Tina Tink, 58, is the guild leader of NEW2. She likes doing a little bit of everything ranging from helping people, crafting and fighting. Tina says one of her favorite things is doing the graduation ceremonies
    Tina says her sister, Freja (who is also Tina) is a much better fighter than her. She says one time she was mining in Britain and a bunch of thieves ordered all the miners to give them their jewels and ingots. "Two of the newbies went red that day," said Tina.
    Tina said one of the most important things she does is helping others anyway she can.

    NOTE
    Found on a body in the streets of Luna:
    "I can't take it anymore. I'm going for a walk."

    POETS CORNER
    The ghosts on Siege ain't the dead,
    They're the living you never see.
    PKs who lose their heads
    Are more alive than chars you can't see.

    CLASSIFIEDS
    Chumlee is looking for shoes! Any kind will work (must be unblessed) and he prefers to take them off of your dead body. Got shoes? Then your gear is safe!

    The Perilous Inquirer
    Reporting on Siege Life
    Address: 3rd house on left out the Luna south gate. (Sealed copies of the current issue are on the steward.)
    Publisher: The ROFLtimes
    Editor: DeadBob
    Reporters: Kattasrophe, Otero.
    Reporters Wanted! Submit stories to [email protected]
    Lawsuits: Dewey Cheatum & Howe

    ~sine die~
     
    #1 DeadBob, Jul 18, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2013
  2. Skunk

    Skunk Sage
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    Another great issue, keep them coming.

    Sent from my SCH-S720C using Tapatalk 2
     
  3. Nurse Miss Maude

    Nurse Miss Maude Seasoned Veteran
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    Thank you for another entertaining issue. Got my issue from the "employee" at your house. Just shout out "News" and he'll toss an issue right down to you...hits your pack every time!
     
  4. Val Van Wolf

    Val Van Wolf Seasoned Veteran
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    DeadBob, I love love love your publication!!! Kudos and other forms of positive reinforcement!!! Keep it up!
     
  5. LetheGL

    LetheGL Seasoned Veteran
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    "She gets so excited she soils her armor." "OMG! His left buttock is missing!"

    Picked up a copy whilst checking out the sever, good stuff! Made me laugh :)