Please forgive me if this post is rambling and incoherent. I am not drunk, but I have been drinking a lot of coffee, and I'm not used to stimulants, and it's late at night. Also, I have a reputation for sarcasm, but please understand that this post contains no sarcasm; if a line or phrase comes off that way, it is unintentional. I'm sorry. I have been cruel. I've been excessively cruel to people who have done nothing to deserve it - on the forums rather than in-game, out-of-character rather than in-character, and with no good reason besides the need to take my anger out on others who have never done anything to harm me and are completely unrelated to the things that annoy me. Please understand, everybody who I have bitched out, abused, belittled and otherwise hurt, that this is not your fault. I have not been treated badly (by those that I am unpleasant to, at least), I have no frustrations great enough to justify this retaliation, and I have, despite popular opinion, no mental condition that forces me to act this way. I am purely to blame for the way that I have acted. I'm not asking for you to forgive me; all that I ask is that you understand that it is not your fault, and that you don't take my words to heart. Please. My literacy does not make me better than you. If you can't express yourself online as articulately as I can, that doesn't make your opinion any less meaningful than mine, nor does it mean that I am more intelligent than you. For too long I believed that because I could type well, it meant that my words were somehow more worthy than those of people who could not, and that alone was permission for me to treat them as I wanted to. I was wrong. If you take away my grasp of the language, I am just a stupid little girl with unremarkable ideas, no better than anybody else on this forum and quite often worse. I'm sorry that I thought that way. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I have just turned nineteen years old. I'm not a child anymore. My behaviour has been childish, toddlerish even, and for that I'm sorry. To anybody who thought that you were being criticised by an adult with the wisdom to back her words up and were hurt because of that, don't be. I am not as mature as my language makes me look. You weren't arguing with somebody with life experience enough to form valid arguments and make judgements on your worth as intelligent people. You were on the receiving end of a temper tantrum by a petulant, immature teenager with a superiority complex. If you have ever been hurt by anything that I have said, please discount it. I didn't mean it. I have been needlessly and pointlessly angry, and have expressed myself in entirely the wrong way by lashing out at undeserving, innocent people. I'm sorry that I mocked you. I'm sorry that I teased you. Again, I'm not asking that you forgive me or accept my apology, but if my words have inflicted any damage, I hope that this heals it. Because you are better than me. All of you, by virtue of having emotional control, by your humility and by your kindness, are better than me. Please, please, please discount my hurtful words, because they mean nothing, and I regret every last one of them. You are good people. I don't hate you. You have done nothing wrong. If you take nothing else away from this, even if you don't think this apology is genuine, please accept that. Finally, there is a person who indirectly made me look at my behaviour and realise just what a monster I've turned into, a former friend of mine who commented on my outbursts in a previous thread. I won't name you, but I'd like to say, thank you. If you hadn't commented, I would never have noticed how cruel and unpleasant I have become. So thank you. I hope that I can redeem myself in your eyes eventually, but if I have said and done too much for that, I understand. Thank you.